How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

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Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 5:33pm
What if they don't?
Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 5:35pm
I don't view all of those things as important (status, the respect of other people). So, they don't enter into my hopes for my children.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 5:39pm
I guess I truly just don't get that. Being a nurse and being a doctor are TOTALLY different careers, even if they are both in medicine. There are many compelling reasons for why one would want to be a nurse and not a doctor. There are totally different responsibilities and benefits of each.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 5:45pm
Eh? Because they're totally different professions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 5:51pm
I would want to know why my dd would want to be a nurse, *in particular* and what things she feels she can get out of being a nurse that she can't out of being a doctor. I bet whatever she wants to get out of being a nurse, she can get as much (and for a higher pay) if not more by being a doctor. That's why I would encourage her to be a doctor instead.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 5:51pm
Got me hanging, of course I get off the hook because on most days, I am actually "working at home" doing the dc. But it ain't nothin' for dh to ask me what is for dinner and me tell him that it is whatever HE puts into the oven.

Thankfully, neither of us live a marriage of check and balances. We are not really to picky about who gets what and when or who gets how much time with the kids. Of course if I really had my way....I would never have to cook and if he had his way, I would never make meatloaf again.

To each their own, but like PJM said...we have gone down this road before. In a nutshell, some feel that if your at home all day...then your dh should do nothing (barring birth or death) when he gets home but play with the kids...if you want take-out---you better get in your car and go get it yourself. Others (like me) feel that if the wife needs the help, the dh can pitch in on occasion and if take-out is the evening meal...whoever is closest and has the least amount of kids better get it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 5:52pm
please see my post (#997) -- and my reasons are not status or respect.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 5:54pm
((Taking a bow, fingertips touching floor---gracefully swinging back up and cracking my head on the shelving unit in my way))

Thanks....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 5:58pm
My marriage isn't one of "checks and balances" but I just feel that as parents we both want to spend as much time as possible with our kids. My dh almost never goes grocery shopping because I can get out of work early to do it. I don't think it's fair that he spends his precious out of work time at the market when he can spend it with the family. If we get home at about the same time then one of us cooks while the other plays with our dd then the other person cleans while the "cook" plays with our dd. If I get home a lot earlier and I got to spend a lot of time with our dd then I will cook *and* and clean so that my dh can get some quality time with our dd. Why does that sound strange?
Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 6:01pm
Wouldn't you have to pretty much hate your life to to rag on and on to everyone around you about how horrible your life is? I'm not talking about "grumble grumble, offf to work..." I'm talking about situations like Laura described http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pssahwoh&msg=12027.909

That sounds like a person that hates their life to me.

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