How has your position changed (Or not)?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
How has your position changed (Or not)?
42
Wed, 03-04-2009 - 7:13pm

Think back to before you had children. How has your position changed regarding children and the type of care they receive changed? Or hasn't it? Have you changed how you feel about what is better for your particular family's situation?

Have you mellowed? Have you become more strident?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Thu, 03-05-2009 - 10:11am

I have mellowed too. I was heard to say to my fiance (now DH) that I would never ever be a sahm. Then life happened. I still think that ftwoh or ptwoh is preferable in most situations - for me; but obviously not all situations.

I like your 20 year rule, but at this end the difficulty is to determine which things need to be addressed so they are not messed up for life and which things can be safely ignored. ;) I have been known to ask myself, "Will this mess up his entire life life?"

My current one is whether or not to make my 4th grader play an instrument next year. I really think it is a great thing to play an instrument and I would like for him to learn how to read music. Plus, it provides a good social network in Middle School and High School. It was a great thing for me and my sister ( the social aspect mainly- we are not musical people) and has been excellent for ODS. Although, he is a sports fanatic, he doesn't show an athletic ability that will allow him to be good enough to be on a team in HS (except for football as a lineman and I have very very mixed feelings about that). I think he needs something that will make him be a part of a group- he has a tendency to be a loner and already feels he is an outsider in many other ways. As afar as messing up his entire life - eh - don't know- but it could have a great positive impact on it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Thu, 03-05-2009 - 10:13am
Cavalier!?! I have never been Cavalier about anything. (Go Hokies!)
Avatar for 4thekids2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-05-2009 - 10:21am

We

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
Thu, 03-05-2009 - 11:56am

Great question.

I never had the opportunity to SAH until my kids were in elementary school, and that was only temporary because of a job loss. It really opened my eyes. It's a whole hell of a lot harder than I thought it would be. I found that I was very poorly suited for it.

I am pregnant with my first biological child right now (older kids are adopted) and I am faced with going back to work after - from where I sit now - what seems a very short period of time (3 mo.). Which for some people is a blessedly long time to be off work, I know. In addition, the cost of childcare here has jumped up quite a bit since my boys were small, and so finding a way to WAH is looking quite attractive at the moment.

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Why hide your light under a bushel of bears, I ask you?

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Why hide your light under a bushel of bears, I ask you?
Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Thu, 03-05-2009 - 12:06pm

I don't think I had much of a position prior to the birth. In general terms, I figured you hired someone to take care of the little bugger. Then the reality of it all hit and I went through a bit of hysteria, convinced that the child would never learn to speak correct English or act human unless she had the very best of care. Then I discovered that most of the care available in my area was sub-standard.

I had similar hysterias when it came to schooling. Dd was probably 8 or 9 already by the time I chilled out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2009
Thu, 03-05-2009 - 12:31pm
Hey did you watch the Hokies' basketball loss last Saturday night? wink, wink.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Thu, 03-05-2009 - 1:36pm
Pbthht
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2008
Thu, 03-05-2009 - 4:18pm

They have wonderful memories of that choice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Thu, 03-05-2009 - 4:26pm

We discussed it before we got married. I was going to woh and what kids we had were going to cared for by a combination of dh (we would tag team it between our job schedules), extended family, and/or dc. Which is what we did with Joy. It was when Erica came along that all bets were off and I ended up sah/wah for the next 12 years. My position didn't change but my reality did. I went back to woh when Erica went to school for 6th grade. At first only pt, then ft by the time Joy and Erica were both in high school. When Dylan came along, we back to our original plan for dc. When he was 3 I had the opportunity to revive my at home career.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Thu, 03-05-2009 - 5:56pm
I've always wanted to minimize my need for paid childcare. It's a big reason why I chose academia over medicine. To me, the whole point of having children was that I wanted to be with them. If I could go back in time and change ONE thing, it would be to wait one more year before having children so that I could work 2-3 jobs, pay off all my debt in one fell swoop, and then SAH for however long I felt like. I love working, but I consider it more of a hobby.
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