How has your position changed (Or not)?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
How has your position changed (Or not)?
42
Wed, 03-04-2009 - 7:13pm

Think back to before you had children. How has your position changed regarding children and the type of care they receive changed? Or hasn't it? Have you changed how you feel about what is better for your particular family's situation?

Have you mellowed? Have you become more strident?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Wed, 03-04-2009 - 7:18pm

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my position hasn't changed. EITHER sah OR woh is a completely viable option GIVEN Good parenting.

However, our childcare arrangements changed as needed. When the kids were younger than 3, they were in home dc situations. When they turned 3 (4 for youngest dd because she wouldn't potty train, LOL!) they went to preschool. At that point, we had a part time nanny. When all went to public school, we hired live-in nannies. After about 3-4 years of that we went with live-out nannies.

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Nope. Not a single bit. If anything I am SO glad that I was never a sahm. I was divorced over 4 years ago. I can't imagine what AWFUL shape I would be in if we didn't have MY salary to survive on!

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2009
Wed, 03-04-2009 - 9:17pm

My changes have not been so much before having child and now but while in the process of raising children.

I have mellowed a whole lot over the years.

I have learned that there is not a perfect way to parent but a range. The extreme ends (neglectful and complete authoritarian) are not good but there is a whole lot of middle ground between those two extremes.

A few years ago I started to use with the 20 year rule. Some things seemed so important at the time but in the scheme of things over a lifetime they really are not. Unless it is something that will effect things 20 years in the future it is really not a big deal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2008
Wed, 03-04-2009 - 9:51pm

Not sure if this qualifies as a change but I've gone from thinking there was no reason to stay at home to there being no reason not to work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2004
Thu, 03-05-2009 - 6:29am

My position has changed.

At 8 months pregnant, my husband gently threw out the idea of SAH to me, and I'll admit that up to that point, the thought had never even crossed my mind! I guess I had the idea in my head that SAH was for people with large families with several children. I had always worked, I liked to work, and I felt since we were young and energetic, pulling of dual WOHP would be a breeze with just one single child.

Of course it didn't really work out that way. My oldest is 10. I've sah, woh, and wah. I don't really have a position beyond not being a fan of extreme opinion.

A few friends and family members had children before I did, so I surely had a lot of pre-conceived parenting ideas that have evolved over the years. I said a lot of, "My will child will never..." and so on. I think post-delivery we all eat at least a little crow!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Thu, 03-05-2009 - 6:32am

before kids,i had a job that paid a heck more than the "little" i make now,lol.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Thu, 03-05-2009 - 6:36am

i like your 20 year rule but there's no way to channel that until your kids are in their 20s,right?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Thu, 03-05-2009 - 6:44am
i'm sorry your sister and SIL "regret" SAH.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2009
Thu, 03-05-2009 - 7:07am

Don't quite understand you question but the age of the children has nothing to do with it.

Potty training is one example. It can seem so important when going through it. But 20 yers down the road will it really matter if a child was potty trained at 2, 2.5, 3 or 3.5.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Thu, 03-05-2009 - 9:00am

Actually, the age of potty training can be make a huge difference for some people. For SIL, having her twins potty trained at age 2 meant that she could get rid of her au pair and send them to all day preschool. In order to attend the school, they had to be potty trained by 2.5 y/o. She's a single mom and the cost savings to her was significant, plus having them at the school at age 2 gave them a sure spot in the school at age 3. The school is a feeder school to the private school she wants to send them to for elementary school so it is very important to her.

Not having her son potty trained by age 3 has caused significant headaches for my neighbor. She has a 4 y/o who goes to all day preschool and planned for her 3 y/o to go there this year as well. Unfortunately, he had a will of his own so not being potty trained meant that she had to keep him in his home daycare, which is a PITA for her logistically, having her kids in different places on different sides of town. Now, with two months left of preschool, he *finally* potty trained last week at 3 yrs/8 mths (the neighborhood wanted to throw a party for him LOL).

For me personally, it wouldn't have been that big of a deal if my kids were not potty trained at whatever age, but it can be for many parents and affect the future, even in what might not seem like a significant way to you. Overall though, yes, I agree, that there are many things that are important in the here and now but won't be 20 years from now!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2009
Thu, 03-05-2009 - 9:11am

I actually think I've mellowed a bit - real life experience will do that to most people.

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