How many children & how far apart...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How many children & how far apart...
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Sat, 07-26-2003 - 12:38pm
Jumping off of a topic mentioned in another thread...

How many children do you have? How close in age?

Do you think children who are closer in age are going to have closer relationships as they get older?

Do you think children who are one of many siblings (more than 1 other) feel that they have less time w/mom & dad?

If you have more than 2 children, do you feel that you have enough time with each of your children?

Did your experience as a child have anything to do with your decision of number of children & spacing of your children?

If you could do it all again, would you change anything?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-26-2003 - 12:51pm
How many children do you have? How close in age? I have three children, ds1-just turned 21, dd getting ready to turn 20 and ds2 getting ready to turn 16.

Do you think children who are closer in age are going to have closer relationships as they get older? definitely. my two oldest although are very different, are extremely close. one lives on the coast of nc and the other down by palm beach, fl. they talk all the time. they love they youngest, but he is still a teenager, and they just roll their eyes at him(as if they didnt act like him when they were 15).

Do you think children who are one of many siblings (more than 1 other) feel that they have less time w/mom & dad? no, i dont. we all spent/spend special times together, one on one, three, five, however, and seem to be satisfied.

If you have more than 2 children, do you feel that you have enough time with each of your children? same as above.

Did your experience as a child have anything to do with your decision of number of children & spacing of your children? very much. i never just wanted two children, and when i did, everyone would say we had the perfect little family, and i wanted to barf. i wanted at least three as i am one of three and so is dh. i wanted one girl and the rest boys, as i had and i wanted to try to have them close, so i did. lee and jaime are 14 1/2 months apart and my brother is 15 months older than i am. we waited though to have another, because i wanted lee and jaime to remember when their little brother was born. i never had that. lauren was here twelve months after me, and i didnt even know i was alive yet, much less her.

If you could do it all again, would you change anything? yes, i would have four a year apart from one another. i love them close in age.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-26-2003 - 12:59pm
How many children do you have? How close in age?

3 DDs. They are 20, 18 and 14.

Do you think children who are closer in age are going to have closer relationships as they get older?

No, I think it is a personality thing. My oldest two are two years apart but do not have a lot in commmon. They have different interests etc.

Do you think children who are one of many siblings (more than 1 other) feel that they have less time w/mom & dad?

I think that also is more a of a personality thing then a size of family thing. Some kids want/need more parent time then others.


If you have more than 2 children, do you feel that you have enough time with each of your children?

Yes.

Did your experience as a child have anything to do with your decision of number of children & spacing of your children?

The reason that I wanted three was as a child in a lot of families that I knew that had two child there was almost a divide in the family. One parent was close to one child and the other parent was closer to the other so in some ways it was a us against then dynamic. I wanted to avoid that. I know realize that that was a dynamic of those particular families not of all two children households.

If you could do it all again, would you change anything?

I would have had a bigger gap in age between DD1 and DD2.





iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sat, 07-26-2003 - 1:35pm
How many children do you have? How close in age? ///////I have three boys. My oldest is 3 yrs (to the day) older than my second, and my second is 14 mos older than my third. Their ages are 5 (in sept) 2 (in sept), and 8 months. (1 in nov))

Do you think children who are closer in age are going to have closer relationships as they get older? ////// I think my younger two will be closer as they get older, but the baby just gets on my toddler's nerves right now! lol

Do you think children who are one of many siblings (more than 1 other) feel that they have less time w/mom & dad? /////// I think my oldest son definitely feels that way, but then, he had 3 years of being the center of attention, so even one sibling was a big transition for him. My middle son didn't have much time to be the "baby" of the family, so I think he missed a lot in that respect. And my youngest gets some one-on-one time, but nearly enough, because I'm very busy with all three of them.

If you have more than 2 children, do you feel that you have enough time with each of your children? ////// Not all the time, because I don't get much one-on-one time with any of them, because of being so busy, like I mentioned above.

Did your experience as a child have anything to do with your decision of number of children & spacing of your children? ////// Not really. I have one brother who is almost 6 years older than me, from my mother's first marriage.

If you could do it all again, would you change anything? /////// I think I would have certainly been more careful and waited before having my third, as he was a big surprise, but perhaps if I'd waited, I would have never had a third at all. We really hadn't planned on a third child. Not that I regret him at all! ;) But I'm glad I will have all the baby stuff over with soon, and I look forward to them all being close in school as well. I think that will make them closer as they grow. However, having three in college at the same time will probably have us living in a cardboard box in our old age! lol --->Dawn

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 07-26-2003 - 1:54pm
I have two dd's who are 2 1/2 years apart. How they get along depends on the day but it's pretty standard that the older one picks on the younger one.

I think three kids would be my limit with regard to being able to give my kids the attention they deserve. I'm one of six kids (born 2-4 years apart each) and feel like the older kids were pushed away and forced to grow up before they were ready because the younger ones displaced us and needed so much attention. I feel that mom was way too busy with the babies while I was a teenager. I have a feeling she subscribed to the the first 5 years are what counts school of thought here as her efforts were definitely spent on the little ones.

There is no doubt that my mom kept having babies because she loved babies. She didn't consider much how it affected the lives of her other children. After the 4th child was born, it was like we were all one unit. It was very rare to have any one on one time with mom or dad. When numbers 5 and 6 came along, the older kids were expected to babysit and pitch in because 6 kids was a lot for mom and dad to handle. I always resented that as I didn't have a say so in how many kids they had. I feel my parents had more kids than they were prepared to care for and they expected the older kids to fill in. That was acceptable back in the days before birth control where you didn't realy have a say so in how large your family was. Not so in a day and age where you pick the size of your family.

Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 07-26-2003 - 2:34pm
I have two boys, 3 years apart.

Do you think children who are closer in age are going to have closer relationships as they get older?

I'm not sure about this, but I don't think being closer in age guarantees a closer relationship. I'm sure their personalities and sex affects it too. I have a brother who's 3 years older and we're not close at all--completely different personalities.

Do you think children who are one of many siblings (more than 1 other) feel that they have less time w/mom & dad?

Do they "feel" that way? I'm sure some do. And I'm sure some actually *do* have less time with mom and dad. I have a friend who will have 4 kids under the age of 5 and a half. With all the time infants and toddlers need from mom and dad, I can't imagine how there's enough individual time for each of them. But if that's what they're used to, they may not know the difference.

If you have more than 2 children, do you feel that you have enough time with each of your children?

I only have two and with the little one napping and the older one in school, I get individual time with each of them when the other is at school or sleeping.

Did your experience as a child have anything to do with your decision of number of children & spacing of your children?

Hmmmm. My mom had two kids 3 years apart, but I didn't follow in her footsteps on purpose. We were actually set on only one child until Griffin turned 2 and we decided to try for another because we didn't want to have an only child--partly on the urging of my mom (an only child) and the only-child neighbor boy.

If you could do it all again, would you change anything?

No. I'd have two kids, three years apart and both would be boys.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-26-2003 - 2:36pm
How many children do you have? How close in age? 3 CHILDREN AGES 8,6 AND 3

Do you think children who are closer in age are going to have closer relationships as they get older? MY CHILDREN DEFINATELY DO AND MY SISTER AND I ARE ONLY A YEAR APART AND HAVE BEEN BEST FRIENDS FOR 26 YRS.

Do you think children who are one of many siblings (more than 1 other) feel that they have less time w/mom & dad? MY DAD DIDNT HAVE TIME FOR US. HE WAS A SINGLE FATHER AND STRUGGLED THROUGH COLLEGE AND WORKED TWO JOBS UNTIL I WAS ABOUT 12, BY THAT TIME I HAD ALREADY 'ESTABLISHED' MY RELATIONSHIPS WITH FRIENDS AND SUCH THAT HIS TIME WASNT THAT IMPORTANT TO ME. I MAKE SURE TO SPEND AS MUCH TIME AS POSSIBLE WITH MY KIDS. I AM A TRUE BELIEVER THAT ITS THE QUALITY OF THE TIME YOU SPEND RATHER THAN THE QUANTITY. i CAN SPEND 'ALL DAY' WITH MY KIDS AT HOME, BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN IM ACTUALLY SPENDING TIME WITH THEM, JUST THAT WE ARE CO-EXISTING. ONE ON ONE TIME IS ESSENTIAL FOR CHILDREN OF ALL AGES.

If you have more than 2 children, do you feel that you have enough time with each of your children? YES, MY OLDEST TWO ENJOY DOING DIFFERENT THINGS WITH ME. MY DS ALWAYS WANTS TO PLAY A GAME OF 'WAR' WHILE MY DD ALWAYS WANTS TO DO OUR HAIR AND MAKE-UP. MY YOUNGEST DS WOULD LOVE NOTHING MORE THAN TO JUST CUDDLE WITH MOMMY ALLLLLL DAY. SO WHEN I SPEND TIME WITH THEM IT IS USUALLY ONE ON ONE. OF COURSE MY 4TH CHILD IS DUE IN FEBRUARY AND THE ONLY REGRETS I HAVE THERE IS THAT, YES, THE DEMANDS OF A NEWBORN WILL TAKE AWAY TIME FROM THE OTHER THREE. HOWEVER AS I LEARNED WITH MY YOUNGEST, INVOLVING THEM WITH THE CARE OF THEIR NEW BABY BROTHER/SISTER IS EXTREMELY REWARDING AND CREATES A STRONG BOND BETWEEN THEM. THIS HELPS THEM WITH THE 'ANXIETY' OF NOT GETTING ENOUGH OF MOMS TIME AS WE ARE SPENDING TIME TOGETHER, QUALITY TIME. (MY DD SAID SHE WONT NEED ME AFTER THE BABY IS BORN ANYWAY LOL, SHE SAID 'HOW CAN WE SPEND SO MUCH TIME TOGETHER WHEN I HAVE A NEW BABY TO TAKE CARE OF HEHE. SHES ALWAYS BEEN VERY MOTHERING AND SPENDS ALLLLLL DAY NOW AT HER AUNT TANYAS WITH MY NEW NEPHEW WHO IS 7 WEEKS OLD) THE DEMANDS OF A NEWBORN ARE TEMPORARY AND IF YOU INCLUDE THE OTHER CHILDREN IT HELPS TIME TO GO BY AND GIVES THEM A SENSE OF BELONGING.

Did your experience as a child have anything to do with your decision of number of children & spacing of your children? YES, MY MOTHER WALKED OUT ON MY SISTERS AND I WHEN I WAS 3. SHE WANTED TO PARTY AND DO HER OWN THING AND SO MY DAD RAISED US ( I DIDNT MEET HER AGAIN UNTIL I WAS IN MY TEENS). i ALWAYS FELT EMPTY GROWING UP. LIKE MY MOTHER ABANDONED ME AND MY FATHER LOVED ME BUT HAD NO TIME FOR ME AS HE WAS TRYING TO MAKE ENDS MEET (THIS I LOVE AND RESPECT HIM FOR, HE GAVE MY SISTERS AND I A CHANCE AT LIFE). I MADE THE DECISION AS A YOUNG CHILD THAT I WANTED 4 CHILDREN, IT WAS ALWAYS IMPORTANT TO ME TO BE A 'REAL' MOM. TO LOVE SUPPORT AND GUIDE MY CHILDREN THROUGH LIFE WITH RESPECT AND THE KNOWLEDGE THAT THEY ARE LOVED. I CHOOSE 4 CHILDREN MAINLY BECAUSE I WANTED 2 BOYS AND 2 GIRLS, I WANTED THEM ALL BEFORE 30 BECAUSE I WANTED TO ENJOY LIFE WITH THEM. MY GRAND MOTHER HAD MY MOM WHEN SHE WAS 45 AND BY THE TIME MY MOM WAS A 10 SHE JUST DIDNT HAVE THE ENERGY FOR HER AND SO SENT HER TO LIVE WITH MY AUNT WHO WAS THEN 30. WHEN IM 45 MY KIDS WILL ALL BE 'GROWN' AND I WILL STILL BE ABLE TO ENJOY THEIR ACCOMPLISHMENTS ETC. (NOT SAYING THAT THOSE WHO CHOOSE TO BECOME PARENTS LATER CANNOT KEEP UP AND WHAT NOT, JUST THAT IN 'MY' FAMILY THAT HAS NEVER PROVEN THE CASE)

If you could do it all again, would you change anything? YES, I WOULD HAVE WAITED UNTIL I WAS 20-21 TO HAVE MY FIRST INSTEAD OF 17 WHEN I WAS OBVIOUSLY TO NAIVE AND 'MISSED OUT' ON ALOT OF THINGS MY FRIENDS WERE DOING. I AM A STRONG ADVOCATE AGAINST TEENAGE PREGNANCY BECAUSE IVE BTDT. IT TOOK ME UNTIL MY DD WAS 2 TO 'KNOW' WHO I WAS AND WHAT I WANTED. I WAS IN COLLEGE ETC, BUT I WAS STILL IN THE PHASE OF LIFE THAT I FIGURED EVERYTHING WOULD JUST FALL INTO PLACE. I DIDNT REALIZE THAT I HAD TO MAKE IT HAPPEN. SO YES I WOULD HAVE WAITED A FEW MORE YEARS THAN I DID.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-26-2003 - 4:47pm
I have two, dd4 and ds3. Ds turns 4 Aug. 6, and dd4 turns 5 Aug 29. They look like twins - in fact, since ds was 4 months old, they have always had the same exact size hands and feet. Same hair, same eyes. I think they look more like twins than most boy-girl twins look like each other.

Though they fight just as much as other siblings do (maybe even a little more...) I feel they will have a close relationship throughout their lives. This summer is the first time they have really been seperated for amounts of time... kids going in different directions with different grandparents for the weekend, etc. They sure do miss each other a whole lot when the other is gone; their reunions are almost tear-wrenching they are so happy to see each other. Two minutes spent oogling over each other, and then right back into the fighting. My kids are kinda like the old couple everyone knows, who has been married forever, who just can't get through the day without making each other miserable and challenging the other.

I do feel as though they both get enough mom and dad time. Because they are so close together, it is very easy to spend the weekend taking them to the park together, see the new Disney movie, etc. They are learning to read together, learning to share (or, in theory, supposed to be, lol), learning to compromise and negoiate. So far, I don't hear the complaints that I hear other kids make... 'so and so wants to watch the Wiggles for the 80th time today to shake his butt to and I am on the phone'... or, 'why do we always have to spend so much time at the playland when I want to go to the arcade?' - Hey, Im sure my day is coming, but in this respect, things have been a breeze.

I am the oldest of 3 children... older than one brother by 2 years, older than the other almost 8 years. I can't really say that this situation really influenced our decision to have the kids spaced as we did, because, sanity alone is reason enough for anyone not to actually PLAN their children so close together. I do remember that my baby brother was often very left out... which may be why after ds turned 3 I felt more hesitant and closed to the idea of having more children. I feel like if we had another child right now, the poor kid wouldn't have a chance with siblings like these.

I also have two stepchildren, aged 9 and 10. They are approx. 18 months apart in age. (So hey, I can blame this all on dh's superfertility.) A change in custody is pending, so it will be interesting to see how the family dynamic gets upheaved if things go dh's way.

Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 07-26-2003 - 9:38pm
How many children do you have? How close in age?

*I have three. DD1 will be 6 in December, DD2 will be five in October, and DS just turned 2 (in June)

Do you think children who are closer in age are going to have closer relationships as they get older?

*Who knows. My oldest two are less than a year apart. They are very close but they also love to terrorize each other.

Do you think children who are one of many siblings (more than 1 other) feel that they have less time w/mom & dad?

*I'm sure some do. It hasn't been an issue here.

If you have more than 2 children, do you feel that you have enough time with each of your children?

*I'm with all three of them pretty much all day, every day. I have more than enough time with each.

Did your experience as a child have anything to do with your decision of number of children & spacing of your children?

*Not really. I have one brother who's older by four years. My kids kind of just came when they came. It seems pretty perfect now.

If you could do it all again, would you change anything?

*Nope

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-26-2003 - 10:05pm
How many children do you have? How close in age? Two - 26 months apart.

Do you think children who are closer in age are going to have closer relationships as they get older? Not necessarily. DH is much closer to his brother who's 9.5 years younger than to his brother who's 26 months older (same age spread as my kids).

Do you think children who are one of many siblings (more than 1 other) feel that they have less time w/mom & dad? Too early to say.

If you have more than 2 children, do you feel that you have enough time with each of your children? Sometimes I feel that Petey gets less time because Joey's the baby. But Joey hasn't been "focused on" re: letters, numbers, sheer amount of reading time, etc., since he's the second born.

Did your experience as a child have anything to do with your decision of number of children & spacing of your children? YES. I really enjoyed having a sibling, but felt that 4 people in a family was the most I would enjoy.

If you could do it all again, would you change anything? Maybe have my kids 2-3 years earlier. Also, I'm really torn about gender (like I had a choice LOL!). I think the boys have a better chance of being close throughout their lives because they're the same gender, but the rivalry will be more intense. And I long for a dd sometimes.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Sat, 07-26-2003 - 11:23pm
How many children do you have? How close in age? THREE CHILDREN. DD IS FOUR, DD IS 2.5 AND I HAVE A 4 M/O. THE FIRST TWO ARE 20 MTHS APART AND THE SECOND TWO ARE 26 MTHS APART.

Do you think children who are closer in age are going to have closer relationships as they get older? NOT NECESSARILY. I THINK IT DEPENDS ON MANY THINGS, PERSONALITY AND COMMON INTERESTS AS WELL AS AGE. MY BROTHER IS 7 YEARS OLDER THAN MY SISTER AND GROWING UP, THEY WERE CLOSER THAN I WAS TO EITHER OF THEM. NOW THAT WE ARE ADULTS, I'M MUCH CLOSER TO MY SISTER, ESP NOW THAT WE BOTH HAVE KIDS. MY BROTHER AND I AREN'T "CLOSE" BUT WE DEFINITELY HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP, AND ARE CLOSER THAN WE WERE WHEN WE WERE GROWING UP.

Do you think children who are one of many siblings (more than 1 other) feel that they have less time w/mom & dad? I DON'T THINK YOU CAN MAKE A GENERALIZATION. IT OBVIOUSLY HAS A LOT TO DO WITH HOW WELL THE PEOPLE PARENT THEIR CHILDREN, AS WELL AS THE PERSONALITY OF THE CHILD. SOME KIDS ARE MUCH NEEDIER THAN OTHERS, AND MIGHT FEEL THEY NEED MORE TIME WITH MOM AND DAD.

If you have more than 2 children, do you feel that you have enough time with each of your children? YES DEFINITELY. I AM A SAHM, SO THAT DEFINITELY HELPS. AND DH DOES SPECIAL THINGS WITH OUR OLDER TWO - BOTH TOGETHER AND ONE ON ONE. DS GETS A LOT OF ONE ON ONE FROM ME WHEN DD IS AT PRESCHOOL. THE BABY GETS A LOT OF ONE ON ONE, SIMPLY B/C I'M BREASTFEEDING, LOL. MY DD PROBABLY GETS THE LEAST AMT OF ONE ON ONE TIME, BUT WE STILL HAVE SPECIAL TIMES TOGETHER AND I WOULDN'T SAY THE TIME IS LACKING AT ALL.

Did your experience as a child have anything to do with your decision of number of children & spacing of your children? YES, DEFINITELY. I WAS A MIDDLE CHILD, AND I SUFFERED FROM MIDDLE CHILD SYNDROME. SOME OF IT WAS SELF-INDUCED, SOME IT WAS DEFINITELY THE RESULT OF THINGS MY MOTHER DID (NOTHING BAD, JUST ALWAYS MAKING EXCUSES FOR MY BROTHER AND SISTER FOR GETTING AWAY WITH THINGS OR GETTING SPECIAL ATTENTION). THE DYNAMICS OF OUR FAMILY ALSO ADDED TO THAT - MY BROTHER HAD A SPECIAL BOND WITH MY MOM BEING THE ONLY SON, AND MY SISTER WAS ADOPTED, SO SHE WAS ALWAYS "SPECIAL." ON THE UPSIDE, I HAD A SPECIAL BOND WITH MY FATHER, STILL DO, THAT I THINK MY BROTHER AND SISTER DON'T HAVE. ANYWAY, I SWORE THAT I WOULD NEVER HAVE AN ODD NUMBER OF CHILDREN, SO IT LOOKS LIKE I WILL BE HAVING A FOURTH (POSSIBLY BY ADOPTION). IN TERMS OF SPACING, MY AGE HAD MORE TO DO WITH THE SPACING THAN ANY EXPERIENCES I HAD AS A CHILD.

If you could do it all again, would you change anything? NO, NOT AT ALL. I'M GLAD THAT OUR CHILDREN ARE CLOSE IN AGE. IT IS DEFINITELY CHALLENGING, BUT MY OLDER TWO, AMIDST ALL THE NORMAL FIGHTING, ARE VERY CLOSE (AT LEAST RIGHT NOW, LOL). DD IS VERY PROTECTIVE OF HER LITTLE BROTHER (AND THE BABY TOO), AND HE (THE MIDDLE ONE) IDOLIZES HIS SISTER. I HOPE THEY REMAIN CLOSE AS THEY GET OLDER, BUT IF NOT, I'M NOT TOO WORRIED - AS I SAID BEFORE, I'M MUCH CLOSER TO MY SIBLINGS NOW AS AN ADULT.

~Maureen

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