How much "extra help" do you need?
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| Thu, 08-21-2003 - 11:26am |
So, I was having dinner w/my SAHM friend last night and she was complaining to me about how they've had to let go of their dog walker b/c she was costing them too much money (almost 7K a year!) This friend also has: (1) a part time nanny (20-25 hours/week, also does personal assistant type stuff like grocery shopping, mailing packages, other errands), (2) a housecleaner, comes in a couple times a week, (3) gardener/lawn maintenance guy. I should also mention that her DH works fulltime and cooks every night (or they order in). The nanny also works weekends and one night a week so my friend and her DH can have a weekly "date night." She is a SAHM, volunteers at her DD's school, goes to play group w/her DS, but no other outside work.
My other friend who's a WOHM has a nanny also, who takes care of her 3 kids while she and her DH are at work. She has no other "extra help." Cleans her house herself, walks her dog herself, cooks, etc.
Both women are great moms and have really well behaved kids. My WOHM friend is actually a less stressed person than the SAHM friend, and she complains a lot less too!
So I wonder . . . how much "extra help" does one need? Is it however much you can afford? Does it reach a point where you feel like you're not pulling your weight b/c you've got so many others doing work for you? Although I'm envious of the amount of free time my SAHM friend has, I also don't know if I'd feel comfortable in her position. Honestly, I just wouldn't feel like I was pulling my weight around the house.
Any thoughts on this?
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Maybe I would not love it and miss the kids but a girl can dream can't she?
Kristi
&nbs
I know a SAHM like that except her dh doesn't do the cooking, her mom who lives with her does. And she has all those other "helps" -- well except a nanny which she is contemplating getting one since she had her second baby.
Anyway, "how much extra help do you need?" It depends it depends it depends.
"how much extra help do *I* need?" Other than the nanny since I WOH FT, I gues I don't absolutely need any other help, but I think it's worthwhile to have a gardner since I hate to mow the lawn and so does my dh, and I think it's worthwhile to have a cleaning person come a couple of times a week since I hate cleaning and I don't have many hours that I spend with my dd that I'd rather spend the time with her than cleaning.
Have you read the "Nanny diaries?"
Disclaimer: Totally meant in fun-not trying to provoke an agrument with any one with 2 live-in nannies that is a hands-on mother.
Kristi
&nbs
Slam me if you will, but when I see my SAHM friend passing off so many chores to the "extra help" it (sadly) makes me think a bit less of her and I view her as somewhat of a lazy person - especially when she's in the middle of a rant about how stressful her life is! I wish I didn't feel this way, but I do.
I am way too much of a control freak to allow someone else to take my children to the ped (outside my mother and my husband) I might even miss the poopy diapers after awhile. I would just like the option of missing them :)
Really, I am teasing. I love my children even when people clap as we leave Walmart (because they have been so ill behaved) and I am covered with toddler mud prints and when I win weirdist object in your purse because I have hotwheels, spare pacifiers and a sippy cup with an undetermined beverage still in it. I wouldn't trade it for the world or for two live in nannies.
Also, in regards to your friend, some people always think they have it rough and can not see outside their narrow little world. My mother, who I love dearly, would complain if she won the lottery. She would have to pay too many taxes or there would be too many forms. My sister thought she had it rough over Thanksgiving 2 years ago because she could not get her Palm Pilot to work and her dishwasher was broken. She has a maid and works part time. At the time, I had a nursing newborn, a preschooler, working full-time with a DH taking chemo. Plus, I don't have a maid or a dishwasher. My DH and my aunt pratically had to physically restrain me from jumping on her. I was so mad and still am when I think about it. No concept of anyone's life outside her own.
Kristi
Edited 8/21/2003 12:59:53 PM ET by kmgalligan
&nbs
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