How prevelant is this attitude?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
How prevelant is this attitude?
222
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 11:29am
A post below peeked my interest, as I have run into this a few times IRL, and alot online. How prevelant is the thinking that SAHP's are just home because they expect someone else to support them. Or because they are too lazy to get a job or keep a job. I didn't really keep up on the story of that governor who had twins while in office, but if I remember, her husband was a SAHP and it was constantly rumored that he wasn't a SAHD, he just couldn't keep a job. That may be true, I don't know, but I found it interesting that it even came up.

In the past, I have run into alot of people (alot in my own disfunctional family) who view the SAHP (me at the time) as someone who either cannot or won't hold down a job. They (in a general sense) tend to overlook the SAHP as someone who is not worthwhile of their time and attention. I know that there are judgements made on both sides of this, and I think we hear alot of the SAHP's judgements here because it tends to ruffle feathers. But I'm wondering how many other people have run into the WOHP's judgements or even to hear from WOHPs here who have the same judgements because I really don't understand this way of thinking.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 9:59pm
and i have all those values, without a degree. i havent recd the degree yet, but that doesnt mean i dont value it, i just have a different time line than you.

btw, as far as limiting my horizons, it is because of my dh we moved out of state, and if *we* didnt agree, *we* wouldnt have done it. does going to school in south america count??? or because i was only six yo, nullify it? there are gobs of ways to broaden horizons without going to college right out of high school.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 9:50pm
oh, right. not addressing the point of her post was your point????? i think not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 9:39pm
your dd sounds much like mine. she has been a dream since her pretty little face hit the air 19 1/2 years ago. she wasnt tough, but i did worry when she stayed out late, who she was with, whether the ones she was with were putting on a show for me, or were they genuine, etc. its an over-all worry. she always came home on time, called if she were going to be even five minutes late(as did my son). but the outside stimuli, that we have no control over is worrisome too. my dd has told me since she has been out of the house and living at school, the things she got into in high school, and she was really a great kid. one thing that stands out in my mind, which we dont really think about is, other parents would provide alcohol and "take their car keys", so they wouldnt drive after drinking, but it makes me furious how other parents just take it upon themselves to offer my children beer, when i havent approved it, and think its ok, because they are not going to let them drive. the kids would just call and tell me where they were and the parents were there, and they are going to spend the night. why wouldnt i agree? and i would always know the kids. they would always be at the football games, and other events, so i didnt worry, but what if she got alcohol poisening? or an allergic reaction?

im not lecturing you at all, just pointing out what was so stressful for me, and why im tired. not to mention my ds1 has ADD and depression the school system gave me *no* help or advice about how to handle. that really took its toll.

i really hope things go well for you, and your children dont get into too much, but dont think just because you have rules, and guidelines, and consequenses, they will be followed. teenagers brains "rational" section is upside-down and backwards and they act like it!! LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 9:05pm
this is exactly why i am looking forward to it now. when i graduated from high school, i was scared of my own shadow, didnt know what i wanted to do, and as far as approaching a professor????? NO WAY. i would have died before i spoke to one. at my age now, i am very well equipped with maturity(quit laughing!!), and responsibility to tackle college as well as secure in my knowledge of myself as a whole as to what i want to study.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 8:59pm
that is really hard for me. i was actually thinking about this in the car today, as we just got back from vacation, hence my sporadic posts. infant stage was not hard for me. i couldnt wait to be a mom, and mine were all very easy babies. they all slept through the night by 4,6 and 8 weeks. my absolute favorite age is between 1 & 2. four seemed like a turning point with my kids, as they all turned in a different direction for better or worse, mostly better. elementary school age was the most difficult for me emotionally, anyway, i guess, because i stressed more over them getting along with others and kindness, rather than the academics, as they are all above average academically.

i guess we're just different. i see the teenage years as the toughest because they(all of them, even my little fairy princess!!LOL)try to get and stay one step ahead of all the parents. i really made an effort to get to know the parents of their friends well into their teenage years, as what is available to them in school is very scarey, and the peer pressure, blatant and suttle, is prevelant whether the kids(and parents) think they succomb to it or not. i often tell my youngest, who insists he does not give into peer pressure, the suttle pressure has more effect more often than the blatant, ie: how they dress, fix their hair, talk, etc. as compared to "hey, want to share a joint?". i think for me it was/is the toughest because as a parent, you(general use) start losing control, and must start to let go which is often the most difficult thing to do in raising children. they in turn are trying to pull away, but are afraid of what they will find at the same time.

when they are young, the control is easy, as their brains are smaller, immature, and undeveloped so the confrontation is not as prevelant. i dont think parents who are older are unsuccessful, or incompetent, i feel for me, having raised 2 3/4 children already, im tired, and dont think i could face teenagers in my fifties, as it was tough enough in my forties. and too, if in your fifties, its your first time around, what difference does it make, because there is nothing to compare it to. for me, ive been there, and the emotional pressure is there whether they are angels or not, its the nature of the beast.

the physical end of raising children was never really hard for me. all my kids are calm, laid back, and relaxed. its the emotional end of it that has been the toughest for me. maybe we are just thinking in two different realms?

so do we have a truce?? i see what you're saying, but im just voicing how i would feel if it were me, not you, or anyone else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 7:41am
Yeah, that's a possibility, too. Depends on how good you are at multi-tasking. :)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 04-17-2003 - 3:07pm
And also about how much time we need/don't need with our kids!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-17-2003 - 2:17pm
Or all of the above?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-17-2003 - 1:50pm
That we have more time on our hands than "the average Joe"? Or that we like arguing more than most people. Or maybe that we have a screw loose someplace? Plenty of explanations -- take your pick.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-17-2003 - 1:48pm
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Thank you.

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