How prevelant is this attitude?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
How prevelant is this attitude?
222
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 11:29am
A post below peeked my interest, as I have run into this a few times IRL, and alot online. How prevelant is the thinking that SAHP's are just home because they expect someone else to support them. Or because they are too lazy to get a job or keep a job. I didn't really keep up on the story of that governor who had twins while in office, but if I remember, her husband was a SAHP and it was constantly rumored that he wasn't a SAHD, he just couldn't keep a job. That may be true, I don't know, but I found it interesting that it even came up.

In the past, I have run into alot of people (alot in my own disfunctional family) who view the SAHP (me at the time) as someone who either cannot or won't hold down a job. They (in a general sense) tend to overlook the SAHP as someone who is not worthwhile of their time and attention. I know that there are judgements made on both sides of this, and I think we hear alot of the SAHP's judgements here because it tends to ruffle feathers. But I'm wondering how many other people have run into the WOHP's judgements or even to hear from WOHPs here who have the same judgements because I really don't understand this way of thinking.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 10:12am
You got married at 18 and a half. How did you broaden your horizons without college?

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Avatar for tickmich
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 10:13am
Yes, it is possible to educate oneself without a college education and I do know of "self-made" people. Abraham Lincoln studied for a few weeks to become a lawyer.

However, most educated people have gone to college. College is also a unique experience.

Thats great that you obtained gainful employment at a good salary w/o college . However, the statistics indicate that a college education does in general lead to better paying jobs.

Obviously, you do place some value in a college education. Otherwise, you wouldnt plan on going.

Michelle
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 10:23am
Honestly? I have never, ever run across that attitude IRL. I have many friends and acquaintances IRL that WOH and the most common complaint I hear from them is that they can never catch me by phone because I'm always running around somewhere, lol. There is one mom at my youngest dd's school that, when overhearing another friend and I talking about our upcoming tennis lesson, said "it must be nice to have time to play games during the day"...but she said it with a smile and I took it with a positive swing rather than look for a negative or begruding slant on it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 10:47am
Well, first of all, I wasnt addressing you at all. So dont assume that I was trying to sound superior because I planned to sah.

You said you had trust funds and such? Well I dont know of too many 22yo's who had that kind of cushion. The *average* 22yo is either fresh out of college or working at an entry-level type job. They are putting themselves and their children in what could be a precarious position by not being prepared financially and emotionally to parent.

There are exceptions to every story, thats true. But *most* 22yo's (or 20yo's or 19yo's) are not really in a position emotionally or financially to be having children. I DONT see sah as an entitlement-I see it as a wonderful amenity if you can AFFORD to do it. But I would never have done it if I felt it meant I was going to shortchange my children down the road because of it.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 10:51am
Yep,my dh is only five years older than me,but that still put him 5(or more) years ahead of men my age in salary and more importantly,*savings*,so I was able to sah with my first child.If I had been married to another 26 year old,I doubt if I could have.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 2:50pm
Dj - I think it is highly admirable that you planned ahead - smart!

You know, everytime I respond to a post on this board in the early morning hours (when I sit here and drink my breakfast) I tend to get really #%(*$%()$y. Perhaps I did read too much into your post.

I can understand why you would think that some younger SAHMs can't really afford to do it, don't look to their child's future, etc., etc. I did not have a trust fund, we are funding them for our children. We started with nothing at 22. I never even finished college, and my dh was fresh outta the military. It took us a few years to actually afford to allow a SAHM, but those first few years, we did it anyway. My children were too close in age to make working practical and affordable. Precarious, maybe. But we survived, by luck, or something. I just don't think that most people who start that early are that incapable of surpassing entry level jobs and low incomes in those first few years.. heck, if we did it (or, HE) without college, the chances would seem okay for those who actually went and obtained a useful degree :)

Demographics are a funny thing. I live in a low SOL city (We actually made the Forbes cheapest places to live for a few years running). With my first pregnancy, there was only one OB in town that would accept the military insurance we had - the same doc who accepted medicaid. I gotta tell ya, being 22, I was one of the older ones in the waiting room almost everytime! 90% of my friends who are parents have children older than mine. Rare here is the women above 30 who is childless or unmarried... I do realize that the same is not true for the rest of the world... must be somethin in the water here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 3:01pm
Well what about those sahms who were "smart enough to plan to sahm". Well everything about them. The whole point is that young girls are allowed to plan not to work, and get away with it.

Saving enough "to be able to sahm" does not translate into anything like "saving enough to be able to support oneself and ones children without the assistance of someone elses paycheque".

I'm guessing that most sahms who did that would need to replace their husbands income if it was taken away. The savings generally just allow the sahm to sahm without giving up more than she feels like giving up. It hardly ever equates to such a sum that another parent isn't required to go out and pull in another income, and usually one of far greater import than the sahms savings, in order to support the sahm and the children in an ongoing fashion.

Simple test. If you never got married could you have had a children anyway and been able to support them on your savings? Its done by design in Hollywood, by women who are so rich that not only do they no longer require a paycheque, a few generations of their family won't either. I beleive Madonna. You, not so easily.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 3:09pm
Bwahhahahahhahahha.

<>

Oh no, I'm not playing devils advocate. In what way would I be playing devil's advocate? I simply refuse to let those who would, pretend that they can sah without expecting someone else to support them. I don't really care if this brutal reality gets anyones knickers in a knot. A reality it is.

Why is it anything to me? Well if you can manage to trace back this thread to the original one that inspired it, you will realize that we are discussing the reasons WHY women put less time in the workforce than men, and how that translate to fewer opportunities, less value on the female worker and a situation where she earns 74 cents on the male dollar. So if you want a reason why your decision not to bother supporting yourself is of concern to me...that is it I guess. Women like you, who are comfortable having someone else support you, are costing me twenty six cents on the dollar. Hows that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 3:09pm
I think we both have skewed frames of reference. I have only one close friend who had a child before she turned 30.

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Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 3:11pm
Actually, he couldn't keep a job. He was home and the kids still had dc so he wasn't a SAHD. He just didn't work. If you knew anything about the story, you'd know that the comments weren't made because he was a SAHD but because he had a history of not being able to keep a job.

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