How young is too young?daycare?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2003
How young is too young?daycare?
954
Tue, 12-02-2003 - 1:00am
If you have a career and you had a baby what age would you think is apropriate to send your child to daycare/dayhome after they were born?

I have a friend that is a dayhome provider, she has 10mnth old twins and she was provinding care for a 2yr old. Mom of the 2yr old just had a baby and she was back to work when baby was 4days old, in my friends care. It is only half days now, but she is soon going to be full time, the baby is almost 5wks. Thoughts?

Be who you are and say what you feel because those  who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 11:41pm

Yep, it must be pretty easy to answer with just cut/paste arguments...


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 11:49pm

How very small minded to think that a family unit consists of two parents and children.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2001
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 1:29am
Hmmm...how can I make this clear....

I love my job. I am a process development engineer. I love math and science, get a kick out of developing new processes and running experiments, figuring out how to make our transistors more reliable, more repeatable, and with greater yield. I love testing them - that little bit of excitement you get just before you get the result. I love the pride that I feel when we release a record-breaking result. I enjoy what I do, and my company, and my boss - both push pretty hard.

But I simply don't live for it. I don't want to do it 24/7. My boss is pushy and annoying and I really only want to work with him 8 hours a day, though I end up working nine. Luckily, it's illegal to force me to work 24/7. At least I get paid in return for putting up with him.

Caregiving can be the same way. You can love your child...enjoy raising them, teaching them right from wrong. And there is simply nothing wrong with NOT wanting to be with them every waking minute...and I'm guessing here...but waking up, breastfeeding, chasing around a toddler, cooking, cleaning up, diapers, mopping up spills, cleaning the toilets, mowing the lawn, having the oil in the car changed, paying the bills, buying a gift for the one-year old's birthday party. 24/7. Just as I don't have the temperament to handle my boss for 24/7, some people can't handle this type of work 24/7. Ok, so you get to sleep - but my friends who are parents tell me that from the sixth month of pregnancy until their child is two - they pretty much don't get 8 hours of sleep - EVER.

That's not to say that caregiving is a bad thing. But not being valued? Well, in that respect - you are correct. The "value" of a job is determined by how much it pays, and even caregivers in retirement homes get peanuts. It's clearly a job that is not valued monetarily - because it's something that many people feel "anyone can do". Maybe that will change. Maybe not.

My mother is a mom. She was a SAHM - she was a single mom who worked for 5 years. When she married my dad, she became a SAHM - stayed that way until I was 12 (so, for 13 years) when my dad got laid off during the trucking de-regulation of the 80's. She LOVES being a SAHM. She likes housework. She watched my nephew 2x per week and is doing the same for my niece. It's her thing. From her, and my auto-mechanic dad, I inherited a knack and an enjoyment of working with my hands. I work with my hands at work (at least until January, when the lab portion of my job takes a 2 or 3-year hiatus). At home, I putter - I cook, bake, clean, quilt, knit, draw, crochet.... I could TOTALLY SAH. I have that same mentality. I LOVE being at home, and I love caring for people. I'm the one baking cookies for my coworkers, making baby quilts for their kids, planning potlucks. I'm my mom's "sounding board" when she's feeling blue. I care for people. My only problem would be outside interaction, which I could easily get by continuing with the occasional cooking or quilting class (as I do now anyway).

I am also, however, good at juggling, and could handle WOH. Who knows how well I'd do at either until it really happens.

My sister, OTOH, would simply not be able to stand it. All the "at home" things she does because she has to - she doesn't enjoy it (not that you have to enjoy cleaning to SAH, but it doesn't hurt). She loves her son, but he's a rambunctious, talkative, bright kid. And she and her husband are quiet and introspective. And the unending questions just tire her out. And she simply couldn't do that all day, every day. My mom - extremely patient. My sister - not. She's a GREAT parent with a GREAT kid.

No one (at least, not me) is saying that being a parent/caregiver is a bad thing. We resent your insistance that it's the "only" thing. So, my great-great grandmother was a SAHM. Whippee. She had 18 children in 22 years (15 of which lived to adulthood, with 2 sets of twins). She WORKED THE FIELDS ON HER FARM - as well as caring for the house and children. Now, do you really think her kids got individualized attention? Do you really think ANY kids before the last 20 years got individualized attention? Heck no! And we don't have any stats to see how those kids turned out! Sure, my mom SAH, and I turned out great ;), but she also helped raise my dad's kids, for a total of 7. Hardly individualized. And my MIL SAH (and dh turned out great), but she had two kids and a series of exchange students. My friend Karen turned out great -but wait - goodness ! Her mom WOH. Karen is 41, so I can say we pretty much know how she "turned out". And isn't that what matters? You can be a great, loving, caring SAHM, and still turn out a deadbeat child - they don't come with guarantees, you know.

YOU are certainly reading more into this topic. NO ONE is saying that you should have low self-esteem because you don't have a job. We ARE saying that it's rude and ridiculous for you to suggest that people should feel guilty about working and supporting their family. Just like we don't get to choose where our tax dollars go, you don't get to choose where your tax dollars come from - from working folk like me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 8:06am
attack? okay....

while i realize that "second-rate" was part of the preceding dialog, what i was objecting to was all new and all you: <<"with care providers who care as much about your child as they do the neighbour's dog">>. even momofhk, who admits to care that i think anyone would rank well below second-rate and that she, herself, depicts as outright criminal doesn't claim to have cared no more about the children she cared for than a neighbor's dog. your esteem for blood ties is remarkable and at least borderline unrealistic; your depcition of second-rate (and from what i've seen all dc, in that you don't allow any distinctions from what you saw used by people who were a part of the social-services clientel you worked with and what a parent without flags at cps or living in abject poverty would likely use) is equally remarkable and absolutely unrealistic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 8:45am
<>

So that you'd have something to be all holier than thou about. Just think how meaningless your life would be without WOHMs to be hateful and condescending to. If every Mom was like you, you'd be miserable because you'd having nothing to lord over others, you have no one to pose and preen before and frankly, you'd just be some ordinary schmoe instead of the Olympian Super Mommy you portray on the internet.

Frankly, I doubt your self esteem could handle it.

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 8:58am
I think my DS1 speaking at 14 months was pretty cool. Do you think if I breastfed longer than 6 weeks he would have been speaking at 12 months???
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 9:00am
I think we all are. One can only hope.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 9:04am
Well, now...it might just have ended up having the opposite effect. Dd was nursed until she was over 2 and spoke her first words when she was not quite 2. Ds, on the other hand (also nursed for that long), was speaking complex sentences in two languages by the time he was 2. Couldn't have anything to do with personality could it? Naaaaaa....


Laura

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 9:05am
That is one of the most beautiful, well-thought-out posts I have ever read here. You made my day. Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 9:08am

Or my son, who was breastfed longer than either of his sisters PUT TOGETHER. . .who had a language delay until he was 2.


Do you think if I hadn't breastfed him that long that he might not have needed speech sessions?


((Disclaimer to the sarcastically challenged:

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