"I just don't want to work"

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2007
"I just don't want to work"
2418
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 10:06pm

Hi all... I'm new to the board and I am curious.


I am in my mid twenties, unmarried, no children. I work in an extremely competitive field with many other women my age. Many of us are making six figures and the job is very stressful. We all have a great work ethic, but sometimes when the stress gets really bad, I'll often hear the girls (never the guys) saying things like "Arrgghh... I'm so sick of work. I just want to marry a rich man, have kids, stay home and NOT WORK."....... I was raised by two working parents (two very loving, caring hardworking parents). My mother was very successful in her career, and I feel that when I get married, I will (like my mom) continue to work and raise children at the same time (my mom was definitely "super mom" ---she did it all and was great!)...... My main question: many of the women in my work stay in the position for about 5-7 years and then leave.....the funny thing is...

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Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 12:14pm
Perhaps she didn't want to move in with them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2004
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 12:21pm
I in no way believe that SAH is a valid option for ALL or even most, but I'm a little offended at the thought that if you realise that there's more to life than money that you somehow must have more than you need. I'm just pointing out that not all SAHPs have a load of money that allows them to do it, as the poster that I responded to pulled out. I really would like to think that MOST of us on here can see that! I mean as a single mom who takes care of her own mother, I would hope that you see your time with them as precious. Money is a necessity, but to some there's never enough even though they spend $500 on a pair of shoes. Everyone has to make sacrafices regardless of their choices. If you stayed home your sacrifices would be too much to be realistic. However, for someone in my circumstances, SAH means sacrificing *stuff* (stuff that I used to get when I worked, but have found ourselves getting rid of over the last couple of years because we have discovered it wasn't as necessary as we once thought). For WOHP the sacrifice is time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 12:23pm

Ah, so it's not that she was forced to move far away from family.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 12:23pm

<<

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 12:24pm
You're only sacrificing "stuff"?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2004
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 12:25pm

Exactly, there are ways to get brand names and good stuff without spending a fortune. I feed my family of 4 on about $60/wk because I subscribe to a list that tells you what groceries to buy at a great price using coupons. I buy mostly name brand foods for less than half the cost and I don't put much more work into it than any other family because I pay a small fee to have someone else do it for me. We have fairly new cars because we just make sure that when we trade them in we do not increase the payments. I only buy clothes for the kids at second hand stores (the ones around here ONLY carry name brand with NO stains) or on sale. Ditto for my clothes and shoes. Although I do have friends who SAH and have to have the best clothes for their kids and themselves and they manage it just fine and their DH's don't make that much either (I really hope they aren't going into debt, though). I take in a couple of kids p/t to babysit while some of my friends do things like teach violin or work from home to pull in as much money as I would probably bring home after daycare and other expenses. I do CD, but that's partly for money and partly because I believe in saving the environment for my children and I BF mainly for their health and also to help with costs. My point in that is that those things help save money, but are not my sole motivation for doing so and I'd probably try to find a way to do both even if I did work because of their PERSONAL significance to me.

Now, if we still lived where we used to I would probably continue to work since I used to do research at a major university (although one of my old boss' would have allowed me to bring my child to work with me), but I don't have access to those types of jobs anymore so I feel that staying home with my kids is where my energy is best spent for our family.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 12:26pm

They bought that house and stayed those years to make it a home and a decent place to live.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 12:30pm

"Principal and interest are things you know going in.

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Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 12:31pm

Let's see:

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2004
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 12:33pm

"With all the working women out there who say they just want to get married, have kids and not work, who actually do end up getting married, having kids and not working....would it be safe to assume that there could be some stay-at-home-moms who are secretly staying at home because they dont' want to work? And maybe they are covering up this fact by saying "I dont want my kids in daycare!""

I'm sure there are some, but they are in for a RUDE awakening!!

"Have you ever heard of any stay at home moms who were really not that good of mothers? Or are they all selfless saints, giving up their careers to raise their kids?"

YES, I know some SAHM who are HORRIBLE mothers. I told one friend that I thought she'd be better off (and her son as well) if she would at least get a part-time job (BTW, this was not unsolicitted advice). Luckily she listened and went back to work part-time and was happier for it, and so was her DS.

"I'm just curious as to everyone elses opinions. I think its great that some people decide to stay home with their kids because they feel that is the best way to raise them. However, I find it hard to believe that every single stay-at-home-mom is doing it for the right reasons."

The same could be said of WOHM. There are plenty who have to do it, there are plenty who are better off doing it, but I used to have a boss who worked because it was expected and you could tell it tortured her to drop her son off at daycare. She had to switch providers a couple of times and would cry everyday because she just never felt right about her desicion, but she just felt that she had an education and she HAD to use it. She was the boss and made really great money and felt that SAH would somehow make her less of a person. Thank goodness when she had her third child she decided to at least try staying home for a couple of years and LOVED it.

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