I just have one question...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
I just have one question...
28
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 2:33pm
Why is everyone here so defensive?? Holy Cow! I have only come here a few times lured by links on the main ParentSoup message board list but sometimes people are downright nasty to each other here! I don't see why. Everyone makes the decision that is right for their family. Who is anyone else to judge that? Surely, we can all co-exist peacefully without implying that one camp or the other are unfit parents? Yikes! Reading the posts here is exhausting!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 2:37pm
Because only one week ago in my hometown paper, a columnist instructed a 39-year old woman with a 6 month old to "get her personal priorities in order" - essentially, SAH - before she should consider having a second child. Bias against dual working parent families is alive and well!

"Child care is not optimal." Another quote from the past 24 hours on this board.

Can you see why a woman who CHOOSES to have a career and children might get a little defensive?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 3:48pm
Hi;

I guess my feeling is if I am confident enough in my decision to work or not (I WOH BTW) and still give my child the love and care she deserves, that's good enough for me. I also feel that the decisions other parents make with regards to working or not are THEIR decisions to make and I have no right to judge those decisions. It just seems to me that there is a lot of hostility here on both sides of the fence and a great deal of trying to justify one's decisions. Why? Life to too short to spend it judging other people's lives. Just like people in different professions should be able to get along, I don't see why SAH or WOH parents can't simply respect each other's decisions and peacefully co-exist. Why is this a debate at all? It's a personal decision that should be respected as such.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 3:53pm
Some of us like the intellectual exercise!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 4:01pm
That, and some of us just like the oppurtunity to argue..er, I mean debate, because we're such nice girls in the real world!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 4:20pm
Speak for yourself!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 4:28pm
OK, got it...you don't really hate each other, you just like to fire cannons at each other to see what comes back! LOL

Well, enjoy!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 4:29pm
Well I guess all I can say is this..if you don't like it, no one is twisting your arm to read the posts. We wouldn't want you to get too exhausted! LOL

People come here after posting on the sugary sweet support boards, and they're great if you're into everyone getting along and never disagreeing about anything, but I happen to enjoy conversations with a little bit of substance. I don't see the nastiness you're talking about. I see some good healthy disagreements and a lot of people from all over the world who are friends because of an internet board (even if they *do* disagree). I think it's great.

Sue

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 5:28pm
You guys are FRIENDS??!! My goodness, I'd hate to see what you'd say to your enemies! LOL

You don't think it was just a *tiny* bit nasty of you to basically tell me to get lost if I didn't like it?? Especially when I was just wading in with yet a different opinion - that one is not necessarily *better* than the other? I came (on two different occasions now) because my interest was caught by something I saw on the main board page. I was disappointed both times when I got here because all I read was a whole lot of virtual sticking out of tongues at each other. I wanted to add my opinion - but I guess it wasn't welcome because I am one of those *sugary sweet* people who respects the rights and choices of others and does like everyone to get along. Sorry I spoke.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 5:37pm
Arguing and debating is fun. None of us have to post here, or even log on at all. So why do we do it? It's fun. It can be downright engrossing to get caught up in an argument which has absolutely no real world repursussions. We don't know each other IRL so no argument will end in somebody being fired, losing a friend or being a victim of violence because an argument spun out of control.

Want to know how seductive arguing is? You're posting repeatedly with an argument (or debate point) about why we shouldn't be arguing. It happens about once a month. Some people post that particular topic and then can argue with a dozen postings about the uselessness of arguing before they suddenly realize they've been...arguing.

It's fun. Dive in.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 5:55pm
Actually...I didn't say anything about arguing or debating being bad or wrong. I'm all for a good debate.

What I was commenting on was how defensive and downright nasty people seemed to be about this particular subject. You have to admit, there is one poster in particular who really gets everyone else's backs up. But there are many posters who fire some pretty mean shots at each other. Is it just arguing for arguments sake? Or does each side of the debate honestly feel they are somehow better than the other? My opinion was (and is) that we are all equal and we all make the right decisions for our families at the appropriate times and I was expressing that. Patting me on the head and telling me I'm just one of those silly people who drop by once a month and really don't get it is a bit condescending if you ask me.

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