I need a compass !

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2008
I need a compass !
18
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 1:22pm
Hi,
I will admit that I'm an idiot! My husband and I had to get out of our neighborhood so we decided to buy a house. It was time anyway. We've been married since 2005 and living in a 2 bedroom apt. I decided that I should go to LPN school because I wanted a career with a purpose and a decent paying job that would pay for the mortgage in case my husband lost his job. The LPN program was horrible and people dropped out in droves! I tried to give it more time but decided that I didn't want to get my nursing license from this place. I'm trying to get my nurses' aide license in the meantime so I can work. Before I dropped out my husband kept hinting around that he wanted kids. I'm 34 and the clock is TICKING! I feel like I can't do it it all and my life is out of control. The positive thing is that my husband just got a raise today. I don't have to work but I've always felt that marriage should be equal. He works too hard. I feel guilty. If he wants to have a child then it makes no sense to complete the LPN program anyway. I would have to stay home with the baby since I have no family to help watch the baby while I'm at work. I don't like the concept of daycare. I also weigh about 190 and have been trying to lose weight before I had a baby. Some people say not to bother to lose the weight. I know I should only gain about 15 to 20lbs during pregnancy since I weigh 190. I wasted all this money and time on this nursing program. Also, after seeing some of these rude, unhappy nurses who are competitive beyond belief (instead of trying to focus on the patient) I don't know if I want to pursue this profession.
I think I have superwoman syndrome. I don't think it's possible to have it all.
Can motherhood really be a career? Deep down I still feel guilty that my husband will be the only one working.
Thanks,
dee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 1:28pm

Your original concern about what would happen if your husband lost his job seems to have gotten lost. Do you now have sufficient reserves so that if he did (and is there a likelihood of that in the near future) you'd be OK? What about health insurance and all that.

Motherhood is wonderful but it almost sounds like you are considering this because you can't figure out what else you want to do with your life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 1:37pm
um what was your question?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2008
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 1:53pm

Well, Perhaps I'm on the wrong board but I think I would be happy being a stay at home mom. Why is society making me feel guilty for that?
I don't want people to get the wrong idea. I eventually do want to have a child. I was just taught that you should have your career and finances in order first. That doesn't seem like it's ever going to happen. I'm tired of chasing the dream of a career. My clock is ticking and I don't want that opportunity to pass by either.
I'm looking for support and not for people to be rude. If I was looking for rude people I would enroll back in school and hang out in the nurses lounge!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 1:58pm
It's a question you need to answer for yourself -- why IS society making you feel guilty for something you think you want to do. Short answer is nobody can "make" another person feel guilt. They can send out signals, but you decide whether to receive them and internalize them or not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 2:50pm

<Well, Perhaps I'm on the wrong board but I think I would be happy being a stay at home mom. Why is society making me feel guilty for that? >


I get the same grief sometimes because I WOH.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2007
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 4:00pm

Welcome to the board.


You need to know that you posted this post in the debate section.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 4:30pm

You say you're tired of trying to find a career, and you're only in your thirties? You're too young to be so discouraged!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 5:41pm

I would find that compass and figure out what you really want before you proceed with any changes. Do you want a child or children? You don't mention wanting any, just that your dh is hinting about it. How about having a good conversation with him about it and do some thinking about it yourself. Yes you do have to take age into consideration, but you kind of sound like well this nurse thing didn't work out & maybe I want too much so maybe I don't know if I could have it all. Who the heck cares about having it all? Nobody does, becuase for one thing, we all want different things. So please scrap that notion.

And the idea that your career and finances need to be all straightened out before you have kids--well you don't have to. The finances yes, that's good to have them in good shape, especially if you are going to sah. Are you going to sah long term, short term--meaning for a year & then put them in daycare? Until all kids are in school full time & then you'd only need a part time daycare arrangement. Or until they are out of high school & never go back to work--pretty unusual these days, but decide what you really want and what you can really afford. If you are going to sah & want to start having kids now, then no the career training can be put off for awhile.

Anyway, I would start with some counseling/soul searching & conversations with your dh. Then go from there.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 6:49pm
i was thinking of eleanor roosevelt's famous line about nobody having hte power to make you feel inferior without your permission...i think some guilt is natural to feel but much is not,too.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 7:31pm

You sound like you are making excuses. If you want to sah, sah. You do not need to blame all the rude nurses in the world as your excuse to sah. If you want to be a nurses aide or LPN, go to a different program. If you want to sah, than sah.

Who is making you feel guilty??

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