I need a compass !

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2008
I need a compass !
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 1:22pm
I will admit that I'm an idiot! My husband and I had to get out of our neighborhood so we decided to buy a house. It was time anyway. We've been married since 2005 and living in a 2 bedroom apt. I decided that I should go to LPN school because I wanted a career with a purpose and a decent paying job that would pay for the mortgage in case my husband lost his job. The LPN program was horrible and people dropped out in droves! I tried to give it more time but decided that I didn't want to get my nursing license from this place. I'm trying to get my nurses' aide license in the meantime so I can work. Before I dropped out my husband kept hinting around that he wanted kids. I'm 34 and the clock is TICKING! I feel like I can't do it it all and my life is out of control. The positive thing is that my husband just got a raise today. I don't have to work but I've always felt that marriage should be equal. He works too hard. I feel guilty. If he wants to have a child then it makes no sense to complete the LPN program anyway. I would have to stay home with the baby since I have no family to help watch the baby while I'm at work. I don't like the concept of daycare. I also weigh about 190 and have been trying to lose weight before I had a baby. Some people say not to bother to lose the weight. I know I should only gain about 15 to 20lbs during pregnancy since I weigh 190. I wasted all this money and time on this nursing program. Also, after seeing some of these rude, unhappy nurses who are competitive beyond belief (instead of trying to focus on the patient) I don't know if I want to pursue this profession.
I think I have superwoman syndrome. I don't think it's possible to have it all.
Can motherhood really be a career? Deep down I still feel guilty that my husband will be the only one working.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2008
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 1:34am
I think you should finish your schooling.There are nurses out there who still care about the patients. You could be one. As for parenting being a full time job, I read somewhere that it is actually equal to two full time jobs. I am more tired at the end of the day staying home with my three year old than I ever was working 50 to 60 hours a week.I also feel my life is more meaningful raising him.Not that nursing is not meaningful.As for the lbs.they're right, the baby will take most of that and if you decide to nurse that will help you keep it off,providing you eat right.So,whatever you decide, good luck to you and your fellow.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
Fri, 01-18-2008 - 3:28pm

Maybe nursing isn't the career for you, but it doesn't necessarily follow that if nursing doesn't float your boat the only alternative is

Yeah well, that's just, ya know, like, your opinion, man-The Big Lebowski 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 01-18-2008 - 10:06am

Why do you feel that society is making you feel guilty?

<<I don't want people to get the wrong idea. I eventually do want to have a child. I was just taught that you should have your career and finances in order first. That doesn't seem like it's ever going to happen. I'm tired of chasing the dream of a career. My clock is ticking and I don't want that opportunity to pass by either.>>

Outside of nursing, what else have you tried?


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2007
Fri, 01-18-2008 - 8:10am

Wow, so many issues, where to begin!

First of all, you should finish the LPN degree. Even if you decide to sah you can always fall back on the LPN when and if you are ready to go back to work. An education is never a waste. You had mentioned working as a Nurses Aid, I did that for years and i can assure you, the pay is crappy and the work is long and hard! You are better off getting the LPN or even RN. The pay is much better and if you need to pay daycare at some point, you are going to want a job that allows the finances to afford good daycare.

Who is making you feel quilty? If it is society, then you need to just forget that and worry about what you and your dh want. IF your dh wants you to continue to work, then that is another issue. You two need to discuss what your goals and plans for your family are. Personally, I could care less what society wants for me and my family. I only care about what works for me, my dh and our kids. So sit down and talk with your dh and figure out a plan!

As for losing weight, it is possible to get pregnant at your current weight. But if you want to lose weight, then start a program and get that under control. You will feel better about yourself and have a more energetic pregnancy when you do decide to have a baby.

As for motherhood being a career.... I personally don't look at it as a career! It is what I love doing at this point in my life. When I think of career, I think of a job that you go to, get paid for and work at. And yes while


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Fri, 01-18-2008 - 3:55am


Have you thought about getting your AD and be an RN instead of a LPN?


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2006
Fri, 01-18-2008 - 3:33am

~I'm looking for support~

An ivillage


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 9:13pm

Okay, you asked for it. Here's my advice: Don't let time pressure make you feel as if your life is out of control. It isn't. You just don't know what you want to do. That's fine.

Nonetheless, the time pressure is real. So finish your education ASAP. An education is never a waste. While you're finishing your degree, lose some weight. 190 is too heavy for pregnancy and isn't good for you. It will be much safer for you (and your baby) if you drop some weight before you try to get pregnant. And you'll be more likely to conceive at a healthy weight, and have more energy during your pregnancy. Talk to a doctor and get some kind of plan to help you set weight loss goals.

This isn't a SAH/WOH thing at all. It's about you figuring out what you value and going after it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2007
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 9:05pm
How is it society's fault that you're conflicted about what you want to do?



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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 7:31pm

You sound like you are making excuses. If you want to sah, sah. You do not need to blame all the rude nurses in the world as your excuse to sah. If you want to be a nurses aide or LPN, go to a different program. If you want to sah, than sah.

Who is making you feel guilty??

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 6:49pm
i was thinking of eleanor roosevelt's famous line about nobody having hte power to make you feel inferior without your permission...i think some guilt is natural to feel but much is not,too.