I want to stay home But I want to work..

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2007
I want to stay home But I want to work..
36
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 7:38pm
A little background.. My husband and I just got full custody of his daughter (3 1/2) I love her like my own and her "Bio-mom" is pretty much out of the picture and out of state. She calls me mom (her doing) and I have no problem with it because like I said, I love her like my own. Now the question, stay home OR work? I have been going crazy for the last 3 months trying to figure out if I should stay home with her and be broke! Or work and have some fun money, and not worry about how we are going to pay the rent that month. I feel like I should be home with her after all she's been through, and I'll never get those years back if I dont. I dont want to regret it later, but I dont want to be broke either! I need some advise. The job im at now is the best job ive ever had, granted its only $12.00 an hour but its full time and I bring home about 1900.00-2,000.00 a month on my own. I have no college education, all I have is a GED. Im so affraid that if I quit my current job i'll regret it because I need the experiance and the money. I am also affraid ill regret it if I dont stay home with my daughter... what to do? Advise needed. Thanks

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 4:32am

I think your dd needs stability and a predictable routine most of all. It is up to you to decide what that routine should look like and there is no reason why it could not include your working. Start looking around for a good DC for her and start figuring out where she will go to school and what sort of aftercare is available in your local system, all that fun parent stuff ;).

It is also really important that you sit down with your dh and establish some ground rules about how you will share the childcare and housework and discuss what is important to each of you in terms of parenting. Expect this to be an ongoing discussion for many years to come.

It does sound like a good job and if they like you it could perhaps lead to an even better job down the road. Given your lack of degrees, experience and a steady work history are even more important for you than it might otherwise be. Good luck and congratulations on having become a mom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2007
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 5:32am
If SAH puts your rent money at question, I would say WOH. Perhaps you can find a way between your schedule and your DH's to minimize the time your SD is in othercare if that's a concern for you.

~~~~~~~~~

Kitty

"Armour.com also has some wonderful tips for emergency preparedness, which include laying in a big supply of canned meat products. When the end comes, you can ponder whether you've been eating the Four Horses of the Apocalypse."--Moon.Pie.Zappa


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~~~~~~~~~

Kitty

"BTW, I hate Lifetime. Their movies will suck you in and all of a sudden you've watched 3 in a row, used every tissue in t

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 7:34am

What has your daughter's experience been up to now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2007
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 11:44am
She did come from an abusive, neglectfull home before she came to live with us. She had a lot of behavior issues and was not potty trained, she has completely turned around since she has been with us. She rarely has tantrums anymore, she listens, and is now
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 11:46am
However, consider that she has made all this wonderful progress while you still worked. Who cares for her while you and your dh work?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2007
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 12:04pm
She is with the babysitter durring the day. Her babysitter has a daughter the same age as her, and they have horses (my daugher LOVES horses) I pay her about 500-550.00 a month (does that sound right? or is that really cheep?) I dont think I pay her enough.. but at the same time she is a SAHM and I just let her do her normal day to day stuff and take our daughter along, all I ask is that she is safe and NOT in pull ups!! Thats my biggest thing with her, im not sure if she just doesn't put the time into the potty training or what, but when she is home with us she has no accidents, but when she is with the babysitter she is peeing her pants and put in pull ups! Its annoying but I dont say much about it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2007
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 12:09pm
Also.. she has some behavioral problems with the babysitter and doesnt with us? I dont know if its because at home she knows the rules and knows she gets a time out if she doesnt listen or has a potty mouth ect. Or is it because of something the babysitter is doing or not doing? I just see how well she does with me and her dad and I wish we could afford for me to stay home...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 12:16pm
The daycare sounds like a really good situation and at a really good price. You can work with the DCP to manage whatever problems you may encounter with the kid. The things you mention sound well within the range of normal problems you would get with any kid and are not a reason to quit, IMO.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 12:28pm

I agree. I think the biggest thing that this child needs is consistency, which can certainly be accomplished with woh. And it sounds like this family does need the second income to boot.


Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Sat, 11-17-2007 - 12:49am
I am a stay at home mom. My son loves it but call me selfish i miss working!!. If i were try working part time just to get you out of the house.

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