If you could do it over again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
If you could do it over again?
66
Wed, 01-16-2008 - 9:10am

Just been thinking alot lately about these last 10 years of my life (my kids are almost 10) and wonder if I had it to do over again, would I have quit my job and given up so much to be with my kids? I think I would have quit but would have gone about things sooooo differently.


My advice to anyone thinking of quiting to be home with kids is....don't take yourself out of your own life (financially, career wise, socially)!! Too many of us make this sacrifice only to find ourselves, years later, wanting back "in" (jobs for example) and not being able to get back even close to where we were before.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Wed, 01-16-2008 - 9:44am
i think you can look at it both ways - would i have sah all those years or would i have woh all those years,too if i could do it all over again.

my oldest is 10 and she loves that i'm home when she gets off the bus.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2007
Wed, 01-16-2008 - 9:56am

It sounds like your situation has much more to do with how your husband handled what finances you did have coming in the house and spending wisely than it did with being home.


It also sounds like you totally took yourself out of the picture when you decided to stay home, with outside involvement and finances within your home. I don't know of any of my friends who stay home who have stopped helping with family finances, or friends outside of the house, or being socially involved with life. I know personally, I take care of our finances but my dh knows what is going on with them as well. Just because I am not the one bringing in a paycheck doesn't mean it is "his money". We have always both been involved in our finances.


If your children are 10, why have you waited until now to go back to work? You could have gone back when they started school, or even checked into daycare. There are lots of good ones out there. I hope things turn around for you!

Lori


wife to Tony


mom to 4 great guys!

Lori

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Wed, 01-16-2008 - 10:00am

Looking back (we've been married 34 years; will be 35 this June), I can say that yes I would do it all over again given the same dh and the same children. The only thing that I would have liked to do over is to have our youngest child (Dylan, almost 10) closer in age to his sisters (who are 20, 17, and 13 years older than him). But then he probably wouldn't be Dylan so I really don't want that. I would have liked Erica (our 2nd) to not have had her problems but, again, that would mean that she wouldn't have been Erica. And I wouldn't want that, problems and all. So to go back to my first sentence, I have little/no regrets with the way that my life has been. I've been a sahm, a wohm, and a wahm. We have homeschooled and sent our kids to public school. All as our situations have changed. Life isn't static and our reaction to it shouldn't be either.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-16-2008 - 4:55pm
Totally OT, but I gotta tell you that dd copied a pair of her favorite jeans, without taking them apart. I explained to her how to baste fabric on top and make a pattern from that (although I have never actually done it), and she did it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Wed, 01-16-2008 - 8:27pm

Give her a high five from me. There is a book on how to copy ready to wear (rtw) clothing but I can't remember the name of it and so far I haven't gotten close enough to find it by goolgling it. I've done it by folding the garment in half along the center front and pinning and tracing the seams onto paper with a pencil. The curves are a bit tricky and you need to remember to add seam allowances.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 5:32am
Lots of wisdom there...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 9:12am

I think that is very good advice.


Although I would not trade the time that I currently have to spend with my child as a SAHM (after all, time is something we can never get back), I have also been aware that I’ve lost touch to some degree with both friends and career contacts. It is important to spend some time maintaining both. (And, it’s easy to forget this when you’re wrapped up in raising your kids.) And, I’ve begun to make steps (even if they’re small steps) to re-establish those contacts. Your advice is a reminder to me of how important this is. Thank you.


And I think it may be easier (for both ourselves and the people

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 10:44am

Thank you. Age has to have some benefits to it.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2007
Fri, 01-18-2008 - 10:18am


This is true. Very hard to re-establish a career at the same rate of pay. Some divorced women wind up at jobs paying 20K with no health insurance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2007
Fri, 01-18-2008 - 2:37pm

My son is three and his dad and are aren't together anymore. We really enjoy having a half week each with him and we all get along well. I get jealous because my ex works an evening job, so he gets to spend all day playing with him when he has him. When I have him, I work full-time and kiddo is in daycare. I know someday I'll regret not being the parent home to play.


If I had the money, I'd quit my job today and spend everyday with my little boy. :)








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