If you hadn't had kids...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
If you hadn't had kids...
1649
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 10:34pm
And your dh made enough $$ to support both of you comfortably, do you think you would be working?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 06-09-2004 - 10:58am

Was your daughter born healthy?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 06-09-2004 - 11:00am

Yep...I don't understand why she keeps avoiding that question.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 06-09-2004 - 11:02am

Why don't you stretch your thoughts a bit, open your mind to numerous possibilities

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 06-09-2004 - 11:31am
I assumed that you could since you said you did. I was asking what would you have done or considered natural IF you couldn't or needed extra help along the way. I wasn't talking about the 'vast majority' of women. I agree that the vast majority of women can breastfeed, but some of those need help getting started and a few more can not do it exclusively and one or two more can't do it all all. If a woman doesn't have enough milk or doesn't produce enough, the natural option as I see it would to be let the child starve. I prefer to take an "unnatural" approach to it and let the child live and thrive.

Janet

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 06-09-2004 - 11:44am
"The child who will experience ultimate bonding and attachment will be the one who is ff by a non-parent as well as being fed (whatever way) by a parent."

Really, where did you come up with this? You do realize that bm in a bottle would be better than formula in a bottle right?

"First...this child gets to bond and attach to more than just parents. Parents are unique - but they aren't everything. Other relationships have alot to offer a child."

I agree that parents aren't everything and that other relationships have a lot to offer a child. However, I think there is a big difference between parents, relatives, and close friends who have a genuine vested interest in a child, vs. paid substitutes who are merely paid to do so. In other words, clearly pay does not insure that a substitute will develop a genuine vested interest in a child.

Furthermore, seeing as most children go through quite a few changes in caregivers/dc situations, I thoroughly believe that this not only leads to an overall lack of consistency, but also disrupts the development of a genuine vested interest in a child in the first place, both of which compromise the quality of care. Bottom line: inconsistency as well as the lack of a genuine vested interest = low quality care.


"Second, this child understands the difference between parent and not parent in the first place. Meaning...this child is developing the ability to apprecite what is special and unique in the way parent relates...a child with only parent in their life is not developing that appreciation, and if left too long, will not develop an appreciation for parent as special and unique - but will develop an perception of everyone else as "wrong".

Hmm, I would have to disagree in that I don't think children need to be taught "the diiference between parent and not parent," nor do I think they need to be taught "an appreciation for parent as special and unique." BTW, what do you mean by "if left too long?" Are you suggesting that a combination of parental care and dc/substitute care is *healthy*, where as having parental care without supplemental dc/substitute care is *unhealthy*? Why? Do you really think that children somehow *need* dc/substitute care? Again, why?





iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Wed, 06-09-2004 - 11:55am

While I didn't agree with O123's post, I don't agree with your response either. These bits in particular:


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No it doesn't. But pay does not ensure that a substitute will NOT develop a genuine vested interest in a child. It is my duty as a parent to choose a caregiver that has high potential of developing such a genuine interest.


<>


AGain, its my duty as a parent to choose a caregiver that has high potential of developing such a genuine interest. Ds and Dd have had no more inconsistency in their dc situations than they will in teachers as they go to school. In fact, they've had less. And *most* of that inconsistency has been due to major life changes in our home life (moving three times, etc) than it has in the quality of their dc environment. Neither child has ever had a caregiver in a dc situation for less than about 9 months. And their changes in caregivers weren't due to turnover; it was due to natural progressions in the children's ages.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-09-2004 - 12:10pm
So at what magic age do you believe "children" will be ready to accept, appreciate and deal with relationships that do not invovle "genuine vested interest"? The longer you isolate them from other real important kinds of relationships, the less chance they'll have of ever being ready.

Childern most certainly do need to be provided with good solid chances to learn that the world will not always respond to them as will a parent, and that a parents response is not the only acceptable or good or useful or trustworthy one. They are not born with some sort of instinct that tells them that parents are like this and others are like that. They learn exactly what they experience. Which is why yes, I think allowing a child to experience only that "vested intersest" care as you define it, is very unhealthy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 06-09-2004 - 12:27pm
"If she's in school 6 hrs a day - she is being educated and cared for by not you. Whether you like it or not."

I agree that she does recieve *group education and socialization* at some level, however I disagree that she is being *cared for* for 6 hrs a day, in the same sense that a child who goes to dc for 6 hrs a day is *cared for*. However, I tend to think that teachers are teachers, and school is school, and that caregivers are caregivers, and dc is dc.

BTW, I have worked as a dcp, a preschool teacher, and an elementary school teacher and feel that there are some inherent differences between each situation. For instance, as a dcp my primary responsibility was that of caregiving. As a pre-k teacher my primary responsibility was to provide edcational experiences, although caregiving did come into play on a fairly regular basis depending on the child as well as the age of the child. However, as an elementary teacher, my primary responsibility was to provide educational experiences, period. Did I *ever* provide caregiving, yes of course, but the occasions were few and far between, rather than something that came into play on a regular basis.

I think most people tend to have some rather inappropriate expectations/perceptions of both dcp/substitute caregivers as well as teachers. For instance, I do no think it is appropriate to refer to dcp's as *teachers*, nor is it appropriate to refer to dc as *school*. Likewise, I do not think it is appropriate to refer to teachers as *substitute caregivers*, nor is it appropriate to refer to school as *substitute care*. In other words, dc and school are *not* one in the same. Although most people seem to think dc is school and school is dc, there is in fact, a significant difference IMHO.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 06-09-2004 - 12:31pm
"I absolutely believe my dd's teacher this past year was a wonderful caregiver."

Hmm, upon asking my dd's 1st grade teacher if she considered herself to be a caregiver or a teacher, she said: a teacher.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-09-2004 - 12:35pm

I have several friends that are teachers. I asked them if they only taught and did not caregive at all. After they gasped for air after laughing so hard, they answered that being a teacher was a mixture of jobs including caregiving.


"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

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