If you hadn't had kids...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
If you hadn't had kids...
1649
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 10:34pm
And your dh made enough $$ to support both of you comfortably, do you think you would be working?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 8:12am
except that given the volume of momofhk's posts about anti-working it is clear that she not only doesn't understand why moms work, but also thinks that it's WRONG somehow that moms work. AND that you can't be a good mom AND woh. Read enough of her posts -- it comes through loud and clear.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 8:19am
There's an undercurrent in this thread that sahms are a bit selfish if not volunteering. IMO, part of this, here and above in this thread, is becoming a sah/woh issue. I know you work and PKA works (not sure about meldi) but it's as though some here are disappointed that FSW doesn't volunteer and is therefore selfish. I have to reiterate what we all know, sahms are just as busy and just as tired by the end of the day as are wohms.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 8:20am
That's fine and in the particular case I'd agree. I just wanted to point out that it isn't the necessary conclusion from not getting it. I mean, there are a lot of WOH people who have absolutely no idea why someone would SAH who don't think it's "terrible" to do so, isn't that correct?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 8:22am
But there are so many things were money is nice, sure, but the warm body is really what's needed. Like the dental outreach program that I worked for. If I didn't have my volunteers for the day, the day was a complete nightmare. I could have a pile of money in front of me but it wouldn't have done any good.

Small example (doesn't really have to do with volunteering, but it illustrates a point): this past Friday we had a memorial luncheon at our house for my mother-in-law. I have a 14 month old and I'm 31 weeks preg and my husband told everyone that the luncheon would be at our house and then promptly became too busy at work to do any of the prep (whatever!) leaving me to prepare for 30 people on my own. I thought that a few of my sil's were bringing dishes, but then at the last minute said they didn't have time so they offered money. Can't eat money! And money was not helping me make meals or shop or clean. See, time matters. I'm not saying that money DOESN'T ever matter, but there are A LOT of situations where the money doesn't matter a wit.

Meldi

Meldi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 8:25am
"I needed a respite because caring for an infant is incredibly hard and exhausting, and not very rewarding at the beginning. Don't you agree?" I know I don't.

Maybe it has something to do with expectations going into it - I certainly thought it was going to be incredibly hard and exhausting and not very rewarding at the beginning and was delighted to find I had been mistaken. I wonder, was your perception that you had gone through so much that was incredibly hard and exhausting and not very rewarding at the beginning to become an attorney that hanging out with your baby would be comparatively easy?

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 8:31am
Because I don't truly believe that people just don't get the reasons why people work. I think that when they say they don't get it they are sticking their nose in the air in disdain. How hard can it be to understand that someone works because they like it? You don't have to agree with it, but it's not that hard to understand. I see the whole "not getting it" thing as pure disdain.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 8:32am
So when your baby starts school, will you refuse to volunteer at the school?

Susan

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 8:34am
Do you really believe that? How hard is it to understand that someone might want to SAH because they don't want to be away from their baby? Or becase they don't want to miss the "firsts"? Or whatever. You don't have to agree that it's necessary but you would really have to be a complete moron to not get it. And most of the women on this board are NOT complete morons.

To me the whole not getting it thing is full of disdain when applied to this argument. On either side.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 8:38am
"Do you really believe that?" Yes.

"How hard is it to understand that someone might want to SAH because they don't want to be away from their baby? Or becase they don't want to miss the "firsts"? Or whatever." I wouldn't have thought it was very hard until I started reading this board.

"You don't have to agree that it's necessary but you would really have to be a complete moron to not get it." Probably.

"And most of the women on this board are NOT complete morons." I absolutely agree.



"To me the whole not getting it thing is full of disdain when applied to this argument. On either side." Sure.




Edited 5/25/2004 8:56 am ET ET by cocoapop

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 8:42am
I sah right now and I feel I was able to do more volunteering BEFORE I had kids (I was able to do more of *everything* then... but that's beside the point, ha ha) I'm trying to organize a little group of moms in my mom's club to do some volunteering sometimes and have other mom's watch the kids. I don't know too many people willing to put the kids with a babysitter or dc just so they can go volunteer, lol.

I think that the undercurrent is the *anti* volunteer sentiment. The "it's just not for me." train of thought. "I'll give money, but not my time (or my blood!)" and maybe there's a thought that sahm's have more time on their hands (true if the kids are in school full time, I guess). Personally, I do find it kind of sad that someone can't find an hour or two to give back to the communtity...like fshw could sew for family AND some needy kids, just a little something. Like I said, volunteering helps keep taxes down (not that they are low or anything) but the less bodies there are, the more government subsidies are needed to fill the positions with paid workers or the programs fail.

Meldi

Meldi

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