If you hadn't had kids...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
If you hadn't had kids...
1649
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 10:34pm
And your dh made enough $$ to support both of you comfortably, do you think you would be working?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 12:28pm
That is great for you.

If our children go to school rather than being home schooled I will help out there. Other volutneering, no.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 12:29pm
Ok, I guess I'm confused because to me you have a choice - work or SAH or some combo (pt or WAH).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 12:32pm

That's great, for now.


What if you ever need hospice services? Should you be entitled to the benefits of volunteers in your life, since you're not willing to return the favor?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 12:47pm
Yes. We had the choice. We made it. I have never, then or now, expected to only do things I like. You apparently got the wrong idea. No, I don't see where you are coming from.

Dh & I became engaged, we mutually agreed that I would pursue the avenue of being a sahw. We didn't sit down and say, ok, if you are going to be a sahw then that means you have to cook, clean, do the laundry, and mow the yard. Dh has not in 14 years expected those to be my chores by default that I am the one that is home. We both live in the house, we both dirty clothes, we both eat, we both eat from the garden.

I do the domestic side because I am home, I can do it more easily & more freely because I have the time and no, I don't think he should be in the office all morning, out showing property all afternoon and walk in to cook a meal, throw a load of clothes in and mow the yard before dark. But at the same time dh doesn't expect in the sense of "expect" as you put it to come in and have all these things done for him. Over 14 years he has washed clothes, mowed yards, clipped weeds from the garden, and cleaned toilets. I didn't expect him to do it anymore than he expected me. We both live here, it needed to be done, he did it while I was busy with something else. Perhaps making a prom dress for a friend's daughter, throwing up from the flu, or out doing the marketing for dinner.

See? It is easy to figure out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 12:52pm
"I didn't give up practicing law just because I had a child or two."

And *I* didn't give up being a teacher just because *I* had a child. In fact, I didn't *give up* anything LOL. I'm *still* a teacher as well as being a SAHM. In other words, I get to do *both*, eventhough I don't WOH.

"I'm still me, just with an added, major dimesion to my life. Becoming a mother changed me, but did not change every single thing about me."

I'm still me as well. However, as I have already pointed out, I didn't have to give up being a teacher in order to be a SAHM, I still get to do *both*. Becomming a mother changed me too, but again, I didn't have to choose between being a teacher or being a SAHM, I still get to do both.

"Working is an integral part of my personality, my ethic, just like being a mom."

Working is an inegral part of my personality and my ethic as well, however *paid* work is not. In other words, my personality and work ethic is not based, nor dependent upon a paycheck. Instead it is based on the idea of *unpaid labor*, you know, offering your time, energy, experience, and expertise for *free*. Call me crazy, but I simply prefer to work on a *pro bono* basis. Is there some reason why I should WOH, for *pay*, especially if my heart just isn't in it?

"I like to write and lecture and gain expertise in a certain professional area, in addition to drawing, playing dinosaur checkers, doing a puzzle and snuggling, like I did tonight."

And I like to teach (my own child as well as for a homeschooling coop) and volunteer in my dd's classroom ( I organize a volunteer art program for her class as well as providing one-on-one reading time for each child) in addition to reading, writing, art, music, etc.

Honestly the transition from *teacher* to *SAHM* wasn't dramatic at all. In fact, being a former dcp, preschool teacher, and elementary school teacher actually provided me with a good deal of hands-on experience with children of varying ages and stages. I really feel that my past job experience essientially prepared me for parenthood/motherhood in many, many ways. Again, eventhough I don't WOH, I'm still a teacher IN ADDITION TO being a SAHM. Just to clarify, I don't have to WOH in order to *work*, and I didn't have to give teaching just because I'm a SAHM.



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 12:53pm
Gave up nothing to have dd.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 12:53pm

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Not even if you dd needs you to?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 12:54pm

"we mutually agreed that I would pursue the avenue of being a sahw?"


What does that mean?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 12:58pm

I understand what you are saying....not a life I could or want to

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 12:58pm
OK, that was pretty funny! ;-) 'Tisn't true, though - my mom was raised Methodist before converting to Episcopalianism. (Wow, that was a bold move, huh? LOL!)

I was surprised the site didn't have something about Episcopalians and lightbulbs - maybe, they'd have the butler do it. ;-)

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