If you hadn't had kids...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
If you hadn't had kids...
1649
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 10:34pm
And your dh made enough $$ to support both of you comfortably, do you think you would be working?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 1:00pm
When you decided to become a sahw, did you expect your DH to support you financially?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 1:01pm

"Is there some reason why I should WOH, for *pay*, especially if my heart just isn't in it? "


No.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 1:02pm
I'm curious to what *did* you guys think was the role/job of the SAHPerson?

Edited to add: My question pertains to SAHw/h, not SAHparent.


Edited 5/25/2004 1:05 pm ET ET by iaudrey00

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 1:05pm
They got married at 18 - I doubt they gave it much thought.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 1:10pm
I would say it is not so much "no more work" as it is "no more working for the Man."
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 1:16pm
I wouldn't necessarily say that something's wrong with the brain pattern, but to me, the thought process is a bit different for the person who has the goal of becoming ____ (a profession) and doing what it takes to achieve that vs. someone who's goal is to be a domestic goddess via a SAHW mainly because the second option needs another person. If you want to be a lawyer, you go to college, law school, intern, whatever, then work as a lawyer. *You* work for all those things. Same if you want to be a teacher, an actress, etc etc. If you want to be a SAHW, OTOH, you need a husband and not only that, a husband with enough resources to support a household on his income only. The achievement of your goal is dependent on that other person. Sure, *once* you've found the husband of your dreams or whatever, it may not seem like you're dependent, but the *thought process* that goes into having that *goal* has this other person as an integral part of that road to the goal. I'm not sure if I'm making any sense, but I do see something a bit... "backwards" (for a lack of better word) about that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 1:16pm
I meant before you went back to work.

I guess I didn't find the demands of caring for a totally unpredictable 6 lb. infant who didn't care if I slept or ate and couldn't seem to go 10 minutes without interrupting me to be all that different from the demands of working for 3-4 totally unpredictable 180-lb. partners who didn't care if I slept or ate and couldn't go ten minutes without interrupting me, LOL. And DS had the advantage of being a hell of a lot cuter!

What did I find rewarding about the first three months? I could have lived without the occasional blocked milk duct, but other than that, nearly everything. I couldn't believe how much of a personality he had already - I had been under the impression that he would be kind of a little randomly crying sleeping potato for at least 6 mos. I could not get enough of the feel of his skin or the little sounds he made or the look in his eyes when nursing. Or how relieved he would be when I figured out what it was he needed - even if that was sometimes after several frustrated hours of trying, LOL. I loved watching him learn or imitate new things (Hey! That arm is attached to ME! Check THAT out!) and still do. I loved wondering what he was thinking. I could have cared less that we had no schedule - that just meant that we could do anything at any time, and if it wasn't going well, we'd try something else. Really, I found just about everything rewarding. I was often busy and tired and sore and usually smelled faintly - or not so faintly - of spitup, but always kept it firmly in mind that as my pediatrician told me, "No baby ever died of crying" and that it wasn't personal that he was doing so. As such it was just not miserable or even particularly stressful for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 1:18pm
No, of course not, what I meant, though, was whether it might make it being hard and exhausting infinitely easier to take.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 1:21pm
PJM-I think all of us need to give this line of thinking up. There are takers and there are givers. Most of us are givers and we mostly enjoy giving (of our time and our money.) It isn't necessarily 100% altruistic to volunteer. Volunteers get a lot out of volunteering, wouldn't ya say?

I don't like it that there are people out there who feel no compulsion whatsoever to volunteer in SOME capacity or another in their community (assuming they are above water in their own basic survival) but I also think we need to consider the term "volunteer." If it isn't a choice, it isn't volunteering. If the only reason people volunteer is to Pay Back some help they get or will get, that doesn't make for the best motivation. I volunteer because I have been blessed with so much more than others and I want to share. I also really enjoy most of it and I like improving my community. I don't do it to hedge my bets that someday I may need care in kind. I actually hope I never have to get back that which I have put in.

Just my two cents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 1:24pm

"I had been under the impression that he would be kind of a little randomly crying sleeping potato for at least 6 mos"

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