Interesting take on SAH/WOH/parenting

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
Interesting take on SAH/WOH/parenting
156
Tue, 04-14-2009 - 2:35pm

I don't entirely agree with everything the writer says here, but I do think she makes some extremely valid points. Thoughts?

::: I Hate David Dellifield. The One From Ada, Ohio.

This past week was Spring Break and toward the end, somehow my ex and my nanny fell out of the picture, and I was doing a lot of taking care of the kids, which, I have said before, is not what I’m great at. I wish I were. I tried for four years to be a stay-at-home mom, only to discover that I am not meant to do that.

So, in a moment of innocent desperation, I wrote on Twitter: ��No school today and the nanny's on vacation. A whole day with the kids gets so boring: all intergalactic battles and no intellectual banter.”

I almost didn’t post that Twitter because it’s so banal.

But, in just seconds, because that’s how Twitter works, there was a firestorm of men telling me that I’m a bad mom. Really. Yes.

Here’s one from David Dellifield:
“@penelopetrunk sorry your kids are a burden, send them to OH, we'll enjoy them for who they are” :::

.... and the article continues here:
http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2009/04/13/i-hate-david-dellifield-the-one-from-ada-ohio/

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Why hide your light under a bushel of bears, I ask you?

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Why hide your light under a bushel of bears, I ask you?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 5:17pm
I'm on Facebook too so I can see how a kid would be far more likely to see inappropriate comments/pictures than either of us. It's all about who you friend and which communities you join. Everybody I've friended is >30 and mostly we post pictures of our kids. The communities I join are nostalgia or political. But I can see how a 9yo could friend people she maybe shouldn't friend .(I'm sure 9yo's don't vet the friends as carefully as we do and would just say "yes" to whoever, thrilled to get a friend request). And she might join communities that are far dicier than anything we join just because they looked intriguing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2009
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 5:26pm
I'm another one who opted for not getting dirty. Just not my style. However, that didn't mean that my children didn't get to do those things -- especially with each other.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2009
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 5:28pm
I also thought that isn't that what their friends and cousins are for????
Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 5:37pm
LOL, exactly!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2009
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 5:45pm

See in my opinion that is what's wrong with society today. Your children are bonding with other children who in teenage years are going to get them into a whole lot of trouble and you won't have nearly the influence you think your gonna have.


It's a little dirt, or paint or water or whatever. Think about your fondest childhood memories with your parents, were they playing with you or just sitting watching you. What memories would you want your kids to have and what do you want them to say about their childhood. "Yeah I had a great childhood..... my parents, oh they never played with me, that's what my friends were for" "My mother, get dirty...... yeah right, she never did that" "If we made a mess we caught holy hell for it".


The role friends and cousins play in your child’s up bringing is up to you, but why wouldn't you want them to think of you as the kind of parent who did everything with them, instead of the parent on the side lines. As they get older the dirt will be replaced with sports does that mean that you won't toss the ball around with them if they want you to. I'm sure you will so why won't you get a little dirty? What's the difference, is it that tossing the ball around is more fun for you? If that's the case then you should re think that approach, because it's not about fun for you it's about fun for them and sharing their kind of fun with you.


Crystal
Helping Moms Work At home

Crystal
Helping Moms Work At Home
http://www.MomsFreeTime.com

Crystal
Helping Moms Work At Home
http://www.MomsFreeTime.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 5:59pm

Psst.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 6:02pm

There are plenty of ways to bond with a small child that do not involve the adult always entering into the child's play on the child's level. My kids had great childhoods, but it often involved them wanting to enter into my world, which I think is the way it should be. I am a crafter, so there was plenty of opportunity for us to make art together. We didn't have to make mud pies. But I like to bake, and my kids learned to bake pretty early. We made real pies together, we didn't have to make mud pies. I am a gardener, and my kids have always had their little patch of dirt to do whatever they want with. We planted, and pruned, and weeded, and harvested together. You make is sound like if we are not out there running in the sprinkler with them, or doing all the kinds of things that kids do with each other, we are missing out. In fact, one of the things that *I* think is wrong with society today is that parents too often want to be their children's friends instead of their children's parents. There is nothing wrong with kids playing with other children; it is essential. These people will be their peers for the rest of their lives. Kids have to learn to get along with them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2009
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 6:06pm

thanks for the advice. We're all set here, thanks.

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 6:08pm

Oh, so now we are supposed to do it so our kids will not bond with their peers? Sorry. I WANT my kid to bond with her peers. That is how people become adults. She is almost 17, btw, so I am living the "scary" teen years now.

As kids we would have found it downright weird to have adults meddle in our play. By the time we were 6 or so, we preferred if they were not even around. My fondest childhood memories are of exploring the forest with friends, with my cousins, my brothers or even alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2009
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 6:12pm

That is exactly the problem, kids growing up to fast and baking at a young age, or listening to Mom and Dads music, talking like an adult acting like an adult learning adult behaviour at a young age. As a child I hated getting dirty, as an adult I still hate getting dirty, I do though because my children don't need to cook at age 4 and almost 6 they need to play. My children have friends but most of their friends are leaning to bake instead of playing outside.


I will never be friends with my kids, that's not what a pearent is supposed to be, but I do know that they will come to me when they have problems but they won't if I always make them do my stuff or make them find friends to play with. They always want to help me do chores, but my chore time is their friend time. When I'm done my chores that's time for me to do their stuff with them. They will have years to bake and garden, but only a few years left to get messy and be creative.


Prefering to not get messy with your kids is a choice you make and I would never say that because you don't want to get dirty your a bad parent.


Crystal
Helping Moms Work At Home

Crystal
Helping Moms Work At Home
http://www.MomsFreeTime.com

Crystal
Helping Moms Work At Home
http://www.MomsFreeTime.com

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