Is it better to work then..

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Is it better to work then..
23
Sun, 07-13-2003 - 10:24am
Have the stress of the money be chipping away at your marriage. I know this sounds like a crazy question.

If I work part time the money will still be tight. The stress on my husband is really getting to be too much. And we are constantly bickering about it.

If I do get a full time job..will I feel guilty about putting my son in daycare ( 8 months old) He would only be there aprox 2 -3 days per week, because my husband is an RN and works three days (weekend every other)

I have read posts here that it is better that both the parents work.( for many reasons - no stress of money, vacations, and many more) I personally hate not having my own money.


So, I am at a total loss. How do I not feel guilty about my son if this is what I do. I hear horror stories about day cares, then again I hear good stories too.


Has anyone been in this situation before?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 07-13-2003 - 1:53pm
Yes, it is.

I think that the way you get over feeling guilty is to realize that sometimes decisions have to be made by what is best for the family as a whole rather then each individual person. If something is not good for the entire family then it is also not good for the inviduals.

If the lack of money stress causes a marriage to fall apart that will have a much greater effect on your son then spending a few hours a week in daycare will.

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 07-13-2003 - 10:00pm
I think it is better to work if you do not have enough money to support your family on one income. In my opinion the adults in the family share equal responsibility for supporting the family financially. If one salary will do it, then great, someone can stay home if desired. If not, both parents should do what they need to do to maintain the household. If that means getting a job then you need to do so.

I do not believe that dc is evil. I do not believe that dc is great. I just think it is something that exists because it is needed.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Sun, 07-13-2003 - 10:28pm
Go back to work. If you hate not having your "own" money and your DH is all stressed out and y'all are fighting all the time, it sounds like that's what you really want to do. Moreover, dealing with divorced parents is going to be much worse for your child (esp. long term) than 2-3 days a week of daycare.

JMHO--C

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-14-2003 - 8:51am
Christi:

That was a very reasonable post.


Felicia

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Avatar for biancamami
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 07-14-2003 - 10:25am
Your first responsibility as a parent is to provide clothing, food and shelter for your offspring. In the current situation, are you having a hard time doing that? Are the bills piling up? Then why feel guilty about going out to provide for your child?

Its not about materialism...its about being realistic. These are the best years of your life to build a financial foundation for your family so that you can enjoy life and provide for your children without having to worry CONSTANTLY about making ends meet.

I know for me, the decision was easy. I know that providing for my family is one of the most important aspects of being a Mother....and she is thriving even when not in my care.

Ana
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
Mon, 07-14-2003 - 10:51am
I think you should ask yourself WHY you would feel guilty. There is absolutely nothing about daycare in and of itself that should make you feel guilty. Find one that you feel good about and don't feel guilty about it. Daycare does not damage children, but parents fighting a lot sure can!

Jenn
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Mon, 07-14-2003 - 8:09pm
And you "old-timers" thought I was a militant! ;) Obviously her kid will be better off with HAPPY working parents than 1 resentful pop and 1 miserable SAHM or, worse, divorced parents (DH has divorced parents--UGH--the holidays are hell around here and I wouldn't wish that on anyone).

But thanks! That might be the nicest post I've gotten on this board, other than Cindytree telling me how cute DS is! :) Christi

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 1:33pm
Did I miss a link to your website? I'd love to take a look - you know my younger one is not too much older than your DS.

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Avatar for karenester
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 1:48pm
Decide what kind of child care you will be comfortable with, and look for a good not. Not cheap, but good. If you cannot find anything you feel comfortable with, you may need to rethink your options.

I have always been very happy with my childcare choices, but they took time and energy to research. You can't just walk into the first center with an opening and sign him up. Well, you could do that, but you'd probably not feel at peace or ease duirng the day.

If you just aren't comfortable with day care, can you do opposite shift work or do you have any other options for increasing hours that wouldn't require day care?

I would never choose to live with money stress.

Avatar for tickmich
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 1:55pm
If your husband is not supportive of you SAH or working p/t, and money is tight, then you ought to consider working fulltime.

My DS is 11 months old and is doing fine in a family daycare. The main thing is that you do your research in finding a good quality daycare. However, it may not be easy to find part time daycare. In my area, there is a shortage of good daycares and they will take someone who has fulltime needs over someone who has part time needs. What about a nanny?

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