it's all in what works for your family

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2009
it's all in what works for your family
1353
Sat, 07-18-2009 - 6:38pm

I don't believe that children that have parents that work outside of the house are at a disadvantage... I also don't believe that children that have a parent that stays at home somehow benifit.

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Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-28-2009 - 4:44pm
I see no problem having a 2 bite rule or encourage your child to eat foods. It only becomes a control issue when the child refuses to do so and you make them do it anyway. Eating disorders are about control, so I would never make food a battle that way. It *is* a battle when the child refuses. Some kids will refuse. Is it impossible for you to understand that?
Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-28-2009 - 4:50pm

I don't have unenforceable rules. I also don't want to have to tell the kids to pick up their stuff 10 times--that only teaches them they don't have to do it until I ask them 10 times. If we have a rule, there is a consequence, and it gets imposed pretty quickly--I don't give them a million reminders.

If your approach works for you, great.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-28-2009 - 5:01pm

Your assumption was that if the backpack were taken away, the child would use a plastic bag and dump that on the floor. If that is what what your child would do, then clearly that wouldn't be the right consequence for him or her. You'd have to try something else. The point is that there isn't one magic answer. Kids are all different, and if one consequence doesn't work, or seems too draconian to you, you try something else. For example, with pka's backpack example, she could simply say, no snack until you put your backpack away.

So what would you do if your child wouldn't eat two bites of something?

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-28-2009 - 5:06pm

I think encouraging a child to try new foods is a good thing. I think having a rule about it works fine as long as the child complies. If the child doesn't comply, and the parent makes the child comply (such as by making them sit at the table until they do), it's a control battle. That is risky, particularly when it comes to food. Eating disorders are about control.

We'll just have to agree to disagree.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-28-2009 - 5:10pm
OK, but I don't really see what that has to do with this discussion. I don't think anybody said they put more or less importance on any particular rule. The discussion was about what a parent would do if the child violated the 2-bite rule. I still haven't seen an answer to that one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Fri, 08-28-2009 - 5:46pm

nt




Edited 8/29/2009 6:21 am ET by emptynester2009
Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-28-2009 - 6:49pm

No, no, and no.

I have said numerous times in this thread that I have no problem with the 2-bite rule and think it would work for many kids, so obviously I did not insinuate any such thing. I have not said anything about the terminology. What I said is that it did not work for *my* child because she wouldn't comply with it and I wouldn't force her to do so. I have always encouraged her to try new foods, and I have said numerous times in this thread that I have had far more success with that than with enforcing a 2-bite rule.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-28-2009 - 6:55pm

I don't know what you mean by a specific general child not in your family, but I've asked numerous times how the rule would be enforced for a child who wouldn't follow it. Any child.

If you understand that your 2-bite rule will not work for a child who refuses to follow it, then why are you arguing about this?

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-28-2009 - 7:06pm

I don't use physical coercion or punitive measures. My kids and I have a very respectful relationship that goes both ways. I respect my child's autonomy over her bodily functions, so I wouldn't enforce the 2-bite rule.

So any time your child violates a rule, that's shows she doesn't consider you worthy of her respect? Sounds pretty authoritarian to me.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-28-2009 - 7:09pm

I'm not asking about how far you've ever gone. I'm asking you, what would you do if reminding them didn't work? You have never answered that question, though it's been asked again and again.

Are you saying the only consequence in your house for violation a "house rule" is being reminded of the rule? You would never go beyond that, even if it didn't work?

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