it's all in what works for your family

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2009
it's all in what works for your family
1353
Sat, 07-18-2009 - 6:38pm

I don't believe that children that have parents that work outside of the house are at a disadvantage... I also don't believe that children that have a parent that stays at home somehow benifit.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2009
Sat, 08-29-2009 - 12:46pm
Disrespectful behavior, (like leaving out dirty laundry, or wearing cleats in the house) does not always have a natural consequence.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2009
Sat, 08-29-2009 - 1:00pm
I agree with you completely here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2009
Sat, 08-29-2009 - 1:19pm
I wore "skateboard" shoes for years.
Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-29-2009 - 1:57pm
No surprise there. It's funny how how people don't see the relation. My sil did the no-dessert-unless-you-eat-everything-on-your-plate rule, and her teenage son is a good 25 lbs overweight.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-29-2009 - 2:00pm
When you say a 2 bite rule for new foods doesn't make it a control issue, are you talking about in your family or for all kids? It would be a control issue for my kid.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-29-2009 - 2:29pm

My goal in parenting is not to control my child; it's to get her to make good decisions on her own. Rules are not there just for me to prove that I can exercise control over her. I have control over some things because I'm the parent, but I let her make choices and have control over her own actions as much as possible, and that's especially true when it comes to bodily functions.

My dd is a really good, responsible kid. She has issues with the texture and smell of certain foods, and she was genuinely distressed by the idea of eating 2 bites of those foods. Why would I insist she do it? Just to prove I'm in charge?

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-29-2009 - 2:46pm

Of course not; there are plenty of natural or rational consequences for disrespectful behavior. It just takes a little more thought than saying, for example, you're grounded, for every offense. If you leave out your dirty laundry, it doesn't get washed or you wash it yourself. Or maybe mom won't buy you any more clothes until you learn to take better care of them. I haven't thought about cleats in the house, but I guess you could make the child pay for the damage to the floor or take away the cleats. There isn't one magic answer.

The point is to come up with a consequence that has some relation to the offense, one which will hopefully teach the child something beyond "I have to do what mom says." The child can make a choice, and if he makes the wrong choice, he hopefully learns something.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-29-2009 - 2:48pm
I'm sure it works for many kids. It doesn't work for all kids.
Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Sat, 08-29-2009 - 2:55pm
Yes, BIL had that one too, or rather the plate had to be cleaned either way, but to provide some motivation there was usually the promise of dessert. Desserts were usually very sugary and from the store, mostly various cakes. The kids all love sweets inordinately and will pick junk over real food any chance they get.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-29-2009 - 3:00pm

No, actually, *I* simply said that it didn't work in my family, as did several other posters. I disagree with the implications that have been made--our kids are disrespectful, if we fostered more respect and cooperation, the kids would follow the rule, etc.

I said from the start that this rule would work fine for many kids; it just didn't for mine. Why don't you ask her why she's going on and on about it?

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