it's all in what works for your family
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it's all in what works for your family
| Sat, 07-18-2009 - 6:38pm |
I don't believe that children that have parents that work outside of the house are at a disadvantage... I also don't believe that children that have a parent that stays at home somehow benifit.

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Chimera said taking away a child's backpack, which is much more logically related, was too draconian for her, so I tried to think of another suggestion. You just lectured me about how you had no idea you would do if your kids wouldn't follow the two-bite rule because it had never happened and you don't spend any time thinking about fictional situations. Well, I haven't spent any time thinking about the backpack situation either. But I guess that doesn't work both ways with you.
I didn't suggest *you* do anything. I made some suggestions about what a parent in that situation might do. That's more than you were willing to do when asked how you would handle a situation.
You know, it's pretty hard to figure out what it is you're arguing since all you will commit to is what you *didn't* say. But when somebody lectures me about how *their* kids have the right respect and cooperation, I know what they mean. At least chimera says it outright.
So you have no rule or do not do anything to encourage eating new foods--other than offering them & suggesting that your picky eater eat new foods, correct--I'm assuming you at least do that? Does it work or do they just continue eating the foods they wish to eat?
I ask, because in 8 years of my picky eaters life of eating, encouraging and offering a variety of foods did not ever encourage my picky eater to eat any new foods that she knew she did not like (knew without trying of course).
In the frequently relevant (to so many debates on Ivillage) words of Inigio Montoya from The Princess Bride "You keep using that
So, it's okay for you to tell me that my kid is disrespectful and call my entire relationship with her into question, but I can't wonder why you would jump to the assumption that a kid whose backpack got taken away would start throwing a bag on the floor instead? You can sure dish it out, but you can't take it, can you.
My assumption was that a child who wouldn't pick up his backpack was in a hurry to get a snack after school. Therefore, I thought that a simple, "put your backpack away before you get your snack" would probably work. That's the relation. But I have no idea what I would do, despite you hammering me for details, since I've never had a problem getting my kids to pick up their backpacks. However, I do find it interesting that you see taking away a backpack from a child who habitually refuses to pick it up (a quite logically related consequence) as "draconian," but believe that declining to eat two bites of broccoli is a disrespect to the parent that requires re-examination of the entire parent-child relationship.
I think that a child who is genuinely distressed about being asked to eat foods that she has an aversion to, and who asks her parent not to require it of her, is being far more respectful than the parent who takes this as a sign of personal disrespect that requires "addressing the underlying relationship." I don't believe anyone here has said a word about routine battles of wills here, or a child who says, "you can't make me,"--least of all me. My kid wasn't gaming me or testing me, as yours clearly was--she was genuinely distressed at being asked to eat certain foods. Rather than treating this as some opportunity to prove that I'm "in control," I listened and let her have some control too, over her own bodily functions.
Respect from your kids is indeed something that you forge and reinforce through respect and consistency--but that respect has to go both ways to mean anything. You say I don't need to lecture you on that, but it still seems you don't really know what I mean.
Go ahead and link it.
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IMO, the rule becomes a focus of family meals *IF* it stresses the kid out. For some families this happens and for some families it doesn't. If it doesn't (as in PKA's household), I think the 1-bite or 2-bite rule is a perfectly valid house rule to have. If it's going to cause nothing but trouble (as in your household), a different approach to trying new foods would be better. To each his own.
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