I've been both: SAHM & employed...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
I've been both: SAHM & employed...
11
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 8:32am
...and there were plus and minus to each.

When working, I felt so over-extended. Like I could never catch up. Things would be going on in school that I had to miss, and that killed me, even though I was able to send grandparents in my place. They're little for such a short time that I wanted to be there to enjoy and savor every moment. However, when I worked I also felt some personal achievement in doing my job well and in collecting a salary for that. The money, of course, was helpful to our family budget! It just felt good to deal with adults after years of being home with pre-schoolers all day.

When I stopped working, I felt relieved at first. I caught up on all the house projects that had been "pending", had more time for ME and of course, I was able to attend all the school functions, volunteer in the school library, bake for and be in class for the parties, did a year as PTO president... all great things. But then after living my life around that of my children and husband, I'd get kind of wishful for something of my "own" again!

I think I'll forever be caught in the middle of this debate. There are plus and minus to each -- to work or stay at home. What I am grateful for is that I was always able to choose. I think the real hardship is for single parents or families where the choice is both work, or no one eats.

Sometimes I noticed a real distance at the school between the moms who worked for salary and those who stayed at home; not understanding each other. That's the real shame. Whatever our circumstances, whatever our choice or necessity, we should understand that we all care mostly about raising good, happy, healthy kids. Why not forget the debate and just get over it? I think neither is inherently better or worse.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 8:56am
Because of the ignorance out there. In the past week, another mother at my son's preschool said," Oh it must be so HARD to be a working mom." She wasn't insulting me, but she had no clue how it could be done - just foreign to her. And in this same past week, a fundamentalist Christian told me I was going to he%l for continuing to work once I had children. I said,"Does that apply to my husband too?"

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 10:19am
That's interesting. I've never gotten a negative reaction from the SAHM's when I volunteer at my kids' school. It's more like confusion. As in "Oh, I thought you worked", and I say, "Yes, I do." And they look at me weird, and I say, "I took a sick day (or comp time, or an early/late lunch, or whatever)."

Having a job isn't like being in prison. They do let you out every once in a while. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 12:24pm
We have many WOH moms and dads who volunteer regularly that we never even think twice about who is a sah and who is a woh. I don't WOH should be asked those questions like Oh because you work....ugh! They are involved moms and dads also, we sah don't do it all, by a long far stretch!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2001
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 1:27pm
ITA ... and it truly astounds me how ignorant some people are, and it troubles me how arrogant a few people are about their choice. Arrogant Christians annoy heck outa me.

Linda

 

Linda - wife, mother, grandmum                     &nb

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 8:11pm
Yeah, okay, there IS a lot of ignorance out there, I'll grant you that. But for me, personally, the only "debate" worth worrying about for this issue is my internal, conflicting feelings, and the feelings of my family. I really don't worry about ignorant people or their remarks to me, whichever role I happen to be in at the time. You can't worry about what people who you don't know and don't even respect think about you; it's not worth it.
Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 10:27pm
Her comment that you are going to he$$ is just plain stupid. That did NOT come from her christianity side, but from her ignorance. I am a devout christian and have never met another christian that would say such a thing to anyone. I was a single mother and had to work, now I am married with 3 children and SAH. While I personally believe that it is better or kids to have a parent home it is an individual decision. I am about to start back to work to save money for a trip for the family to go to Disney. I will be working on Saturdays while DH is home to care for the kids. Please ignore people like that lady. Her ignorance is sad.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-03-2003 - 6:50pm
well, look at it this way. wont she be surprised when she runs into you down there because she judged you!! LOL. i dont like ignorant any kind of people...blech.
Avatar for bobcatkathi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-03-2003 - 8:49pm
I've done both as well and SAHM is easier by far for me. But with my children in school, I don't find being at home my best choice. That is why I love teaching. I love SAHM as long as I have children to be at home with otherwise, I'd rather work. But it is easier to be at home regardless of the children's status.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2003
Thu, 06-05-2003 - 3:35pm
Hear hear! This is the most honest post on this subject I have read. IMO, if you are content and believe in your heart that you have made the best choice for your family, there is no issue with ignorant people. It would be water off a duck's back. I think the real issue is when people feel a need to justify their choice - be it under the guise of Christianity or anything else. I have been both WOHM and now a SAHM, and I have come across many who *disagreed* with my choice at the time. My response - none. I don't care what my neighbor thinks when I KNOW what I am doing is what is best for me and my family at that particular time. If/when I need/want to go back to work, I will go back to work w/o concern of the judgements of others. I also think that there is frequently an internal conflict - especially once the kids are in school...

Karen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 06-06-2003 - 8:58pm
I have also done both. They both have their positives and negatives. Although, since I returned to work I am able to be more involved in my dd's classroom/school events. When I was home, I had a little one that couldn't come in to the classroom for these events. My dd is so happy that I attend more now than before.

When I was home, I was part of the SAHM group and now that I am working, I am part of the WOHM group. It really isn't a big deal, it is just common interests that draw people together. I feel I relate more now with WOHM's since I am one. We have more things in common to talk about, like how we manage to get everything done and how our careers are going. When I was a SAHM, it was more about what mommy group you are in and baking all day and such. I do find the WOHM conversation a little more stimulating. The WOHM's seem to be a little more up on current events and politics and so forth than the SAHM's.

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