Judgemental-scratching-my-head post ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Judgemental-scratching-my-head post ...
682
Sun, 10-23-2005 - 2:29pm

Dh and I went to an Indian place for dinner last night. (GREAT!)


As we were about done with our dinner, a lady with her 5 kids, ages about 14 to 6,

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 9:33am

That is why I brought up the story about my DS being teased about wetting the bed. He knew why he had to wear a pullup. We explained he has the bladder the size of a pea and that he would grow up and stop wetting the bed. We never made him feel embarrassed about it -- it was just a fact of life. However, once that kid teased him, and quite nastily I might add, he was crushed. And embarrassed.

Children are cruel. That is the long and short of it. You can do all sorts of things to give your children self-esteem and confidence. But all it takes is one kid to make your child feel like crap.

DS once brought his "treasure chest" to school for show and tell. I think this was in first grade. He loves that thing. It's a wooden one he painted gold and decorated with with "jewels." Inside is his special treasure. He has money from other countries, necklaces from mardi gras, stuff DH brings home from trips, etc etc. He took it to school and one of the boys in his class called him a baby for having it, so all the boys in the class started making fun of him. When I picked up DS that day, he burst out the school door, ran straight into my arms and started bawling. He said he wanted to throw his chest in the trash. I wanted to shoot that other kid.

mom_writer

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 9:34am
My DS2 is greater than the 97th percentile for both height and weight for someone his age. My DS1 is in the 30th percentile for height and the 24th percentile for weight.
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 9:48am

Exactly! When DS1 was having problems wetting the bed, we never mentioned it to anyone and I was worried that DS2 might mention it outside the family. I threatened DS2 that if he *ever* made fun of DS1 or told anyone, DS2 would be in huge trouble. As much as my boys bicker and argue and fight, DS2 has never betrayed that confidence. They know when we say something is "a private matter," that there will be he** to pay if either of them brings that something up outside the family.

Yes, kids can be very, very cruel. And when you have a sensitive kid, like my DS1 or your DS, it can be very hard on them when other kids tease them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 10:07am
I always believed the opposite ... I'll see if I can find a link to define it.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 10:47am
Gee, I don't know for sure. Maybe out walking her dogs in the crisp fall air, far removed from the general pettiness of the board of late. Do you have any idea where she might be?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 11:26am
Yup I'm with you mom2. I don't understand the attitude either. How can you not understand that kids generally want to be bigger and more grown up than they are. Most kids want to push the limits of doing what older siblings do. My 6 year old has not been teased by anyone that I know of. But she sees her sister in a different seat than she is in and she wants to do what she is doing. She sees other friends not riding in any kind of special seat. That doesn't mean that I am going to stop using the correct car seat for her, but she sure does notice it & complain. I thought her attitude was normal, even though I am not going to change my stance from her needing to be in the safest seat for her size.

VickiSiggy.jpg picture by mamalahk

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 11:47am

Doesn't stuff like that just break your heart? DD has been teased for having a "boy coat." Since when did primary colors become exclusivly "boy colors?"

This year for Halloween, DS requested a special costume--he wanted to be the bug from the Bugdom computer game. We planned the costume together, and I made it, and he was very pleased with the result. However, he said he wanted to wear it for trick-or-treating, but not to the school parade. At first I was a bit hurt, but then I understood that he knows the hearts and minds of his fellow second-graders far better than I do. If he thought they'd tease him, he was probably right. Instead, he wore a wizard outfit we had left over from another year.

I was happy to see him stick up for himself in another instance, even though I wasn't too happy about his language. He told me a kid had teased him about having a purple backpack (a "girl" color.) He then thought for a minute and said, in a matter of fact voice, "I think I'll just tell him to go to hell."

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 11:52am
Vanessa had hers taken off this summer. Marissa didn't get hers off until she was 7.5 though. Probably a 2nd child thing factors in too. (Same as the car seat thing) The younger wants to do whatever the older is doing. Theirs weren't taken off cold turkey though. Dh raises them up so they are not right on the ground & encourages them to ride without making any noise. Then they can practice balancing on the 2 wheels with the training wheels still there as a net. When they can mostly ride quietly (balancing & the training wheels hardly ever touching the ground) then they are ready to take them off.

VickiSiggy.jpg picture by mamalahk

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 12:28pm
There's a difference between "gee, I can't wait until I am too big for this carseat" and being embarrassed about being in one in the first place just because most of the other kids your age are bigger. One is normal and healthy. The other may be normal and even common, but I don't think it's the healthiest of reactions. My thirteen year old reminds me almost daily that he'll soon be sitting in the driver's seat. He can't wait.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 12:38pm

Surprise, I disagree.


I don't think the embarrassment, in and of itself, is negative, damaging or unhealthy. It's what you do with that emotion that counts. If you let it color your life, let it become an issue, dwell on it, etc, then it is unhealthy. But just to feel that embarrassment isn't. I think most parents should, and are able to, help their child deal with the emotion in a healthy way.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

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