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|Thu, 09-13-2007 - 12:54am|
i just need to vent. my life is great. i have the most wonderful hubby, great supportive parents, and a beautiful 2 year old boy. so what's my problem you ask?
its the age old question - is staying at home what i really want to do? first of all, no one makes me stay home. the hubby and i decided way before our son was born that i would stay home with him so that we wouldn't have to hand him over to strangers to care for him. I love that i can be there for him, and that my husband has a job that makes it financially possible for me to do this. I just can't shake the feeling that my life is slipping away from me.
i have a master's degree in engineering, and was going to get another certificiation when i found out i was pregnant. i didnt go thru with the new cert since the jobs involved a lot overtime and travel - neither of which are possible when staying home with your baby. I look around at the female couterparts in my family who i went to college with. One is a technology director, another is a senior engineer, one's a doctor, a college professor - all of them have "made it". i feel a little left out and left behind.
i feel conflicted because it should be enough for me to raise my son. it should be enough that i am the most important person to this little person and he is depending on me to give him a solid start in life. it should be enough to make me say proudly "i am a stay at home mother". it isn't.
sometimes i think my lifes just too cushy and comfy so im looking for faults. only thing is, i have no idea who i am anymore, and i have no idea what to do if i get any free time. i just end up cleaning or cooking or doing laundry.
it makes me feel guilty and ungrateful and im tired of thiking about it. my husband is mystified that i feel this way.
does anyone else feel like this? any advice?