just venting

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
just venting
3
Thu, 09-13-2007 - 12:54am

hi everyone


i just need to vent. my life is great. i have the most wonderful hubby, great supportive parents, and a beautiful 2 year old boy. so what's my problem you ask?


its the age old question - is staying at home what i really want to do? first of all, no one makes me stay home. the hubby and i decided way before our son was born that i would stay home with him so that we wouldn't have to hand him over to strangers to care for him. I love that i can be there for him, and that my husband has a job that makes it financially possible for me to do this. I just can't shake the feeling that my life is slipping away from me.


i have a master's degree in engineering, and was going to get another certificiation when i found out i was pregnant. i didnt go thru with the new cert since the jobs involved a lot overtime and travel - neither of which are possible when staying home with your baby. I look around at the female couterparts in my family who i went to college with. One is a technology director, another is a senior engineer, one's a doctor, a college professor - all of them have "made it". i feel a little left out and left behind.


i feel conflicted because it should be enough for me to raise my son. it should be enough that i am the most important person to this little person and he is depending on me to give him a solid start in life. it should be enough to make me say proudly "i am a stay at home mother". it isn't.


sometimes i think my lifes just too cushy and comfy so im looking for faults. only thing is, i have no idea who i am anymore, and i have no idea what to do if i get any free time. i just end up cleaning or cooking or doing laundry.


it makes me feel guilty and ungrateful and im tired of thiking about it. my husband is mystified that i feel this way.


does anyone else feel like this? any advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: yb1115
Thu, 09-13-2007 - 1:53am

We all have to take our own paths. Just because you decided something 2+ years ago or even 6 months ago, does not mean it's the right thing for you now. It sounds like you really miss working, getting ahead in your career, etc. You being happy is one of the best ways to be a good parent. If you aren't happy staying home, then it's probably time to get on with your career be it what you originally planned or another way. Being a SAHM is a job; it's work that not everyone enjoys, understands, or gets into. That's okay. You are a person, first and foremost. You are a mom, second. You are a wife, third. Some women really enjoy staying home with their children full time and don't feel that they are missing out on a job or career outside the home. Some women really enjoy working outside of home with their children on their off-time and don't feel that they are missing out on staying at home with their children. Most moms, I think, fall somewhere in the middle.

My advice to you is to prioritize your life for yourself before approaching your dh with what you want. Once you have done that, you and your dh can make a decision as to whether he wants to be a SAHD or if you will need childcare and who/where will that be.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: yb1115
Thu, 09-13-2007 - 4:55am
Advice? Get a job!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2007
In reply to: yb1115
Thu, 09-13-2007 - 4:58am
Ha! It's wonderful when you can be wise and flippant at the same time :)

~~~~~~~~~

Kitty

"BTW, I hate Lifetime. Their movies will suck you in and all of a sudden you've watched 3 in a row, used every tissue in t