Just what is a SAHM?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Just what is a SAHM?
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Mon, 02-18-2008 - 1:38pm

I was taking a class recently from a well known designer--she is on the design team for a couple of companies, she teaches classes, writes articles, and sells her own creations from time to time online.


She started her introduction by saying "I'm a stay at home mom who also....." and then went on to describe what she does professionally.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 9:39am
The SAHM I know who had a nanny has a husband who is president of his own largish corporation and she has a lot of social obligations and community obligations. Her husband's schedule is so crazy he can't be counted on for anything -- so even if he said he could drive the kid to his practice on Tuesday evening, she always had to be ready in case he were running late. She had a nanny when the kids were small so she could do power lunches and keep the kids on some kind of routine. She had the nanny when they were in elementary school so they didn't have to come home to an empty house if she was out doing her volunteer/civic stints. She had a nanny when they were in middle school to drive them hither and yon while she was doing her volunteer stints. Her youngest is about to turn 16 and getting a driver's license soon. She told me she was going to get rid of the nanny when the boy got the license, but then her daughter, who is a year out of college, announced her engagement. Nanny has now become wedding planner.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 9:43am
I didn't like leaving my kids when they were infants -- I would have hesitated to spend five or six hours away from them for social reasons when they were small. If it were a wedding I really wanted to go to, I would probably bring along a sitter in the car and have her watch the child during the wedding and reception. Or I would have stayed home.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 9:51am
If it persists long enough to prevent the child from normal experiences like play dates, sleepovers, school etc. I think it IS normal to feel this way, but that does not mean that you have to organize yourself around it and give into it forever after. Many people do get over it fairly quickly, but others do not. I live in a culture where people tend to think it is fine to overprotect and generally sit on their kids. A standing joke among Greeks is that the only reason the males are not all drooling idiots is because they eventually have to serve their military service. Of course, their mothers often show up at the barracks daily with tupperwares of food for them, but at least they get some semblance of separation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 9:59am

and that's why/how we're all different.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 10:04am
In Mallory's case, her son is only 17 months. I think that's still within the realm of "probably not going to do long term damage," if she doesn't want to leave him for 8 or more hours. If he was 10 and she said she wouldn't let him go to any sleepovers because she couldn't bear to be away from him for that long, I'd agree that is probably unhealthy. But he's not even 2 yet.


Edited 2/22/2008 10:05 am ET by geschichtsgal
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 10:05am

I'm sorry if it came off that way. I would just hate to see you not get to enjoy social events (especially really important ones like weddings) when there are probably several people that could care for your child quite competently while you're gone -- OR maybe someone you could bring with you to watch the baby while you enjoy the festivities.


I know that for me, my first reaction would have been "how can we make this work?" vs. "we're not going at all".


As it was, I had to leave my 4 month old and 4 year old behind for 10 days while their dad and I took their middle sister to New Zealand for medical treatments.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 10:07am
Then how would you explain it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 10:07am
I guess I don't understand why you are thinking that Mallory is somehow kind of unhealthy for not wanting to leave a kid under two ninety minutes away while she and her husband go to a wedding. I don't know her circumstances, but I am thinking that if I were where I am, invited to a wedding a hundred miles away, in the middle of the winter when anything can happen (that's where I live), I would not go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 10:09am
I'm sure there are all kinds of explanations such as processing glitches or just plain misinformation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 10:12am

No, it's not a matter of what I feel....it's a matter of what you said.

PumpkinAngel

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