Just what is a SAHM?

Avatar for sarahfran
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Just what is a SAHM?
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Mon, 02-18-2008 - 1:38pm

I was taking a class recently from a well known designer--she is on the design team for a couple of companies, she teaches classes, writes articles, and sells her own creations from time to time online.


She started her introduction by saying "I'm a stay at home mom who also....." and then went on to describe what she does professionally.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 10:48am

Well, if we're considering the definition to mean "just what it says," why are moms that clearly do not "stay at home" (playgroups, shopping, activities, gym, etc.) all day considered SAHMs? Why does the "W" in WOHP not include volunteer work? Why can a mom who works an hour a week and gets paid for it still call herself a SAHM, but one who works 5 hours a week cannot? Where should that line be drawn? I don't think it is nearly as objective as you make it out to be.

I mean even among the posters here who are disagreeing with me, there are differences. You believe that a mom who volunteers full time is still a SAHP and a mom who works a couple hours a month for pay can still call herself a SAHP. Texigan would consider someone who does not have a paid job, but volunteers 20+ hours a week a "volunteer"-- a category separate from WOH/SAH and cannot really still call herself a SAHP. A mom who volunteers less than 20 hours/week is still allowed to call herself a SAHM. Pumpkinangel belives strictly in the SAHP=no paying job/ WOHP= paying job definition. In her view, even if I work 1 hour a month for pay, I must call myself a ptWOHP or pt WAHP. But if I do volunteer work full time, I should still call myself a SAHP.

baby in clothes basket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 10:49am
Yes, however, once people quit working over something like that and otherwise reorganize their lives around, it can become a cycle. My point was mainly that it IS normal to some extent, but that does not mean that one should not try to get beyond it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 10:54am
I imagine it would be because the mother is feeling too anxious about it. What I do not understand is when people give in to that level of anxiety on a regular basis.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 10:58am

I think it can become a cycle too, certainly in my mum's generation there were people who were probably SAHMs/housewives more out of habit than because it was best for them or would make them happiest, and probably still now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 11:02am
Yes, there is one in dd's class as well. Actually there were several, but one boy in particular has never been allowed to do anything, no parties, no sleepovers, no field trips etc. Last week the kids had to do a group project for school. He came, but then his mother came to pick him up. He is 16 and 6 feet tall. He has not come the rest of the group meetings.
Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 11:03am

well I think sometimes it's hard to step outside yourself and reign in anxieties.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 11:07am
I am an anxious person myself and I have many completely stupid and irrational fears. It is not that I do not understand, more that I understand all too well. To me, it is not good enough to live your life according to the fears, especially not if those fears affect another person negatively. Sometimes you can not help it, I know, but I still think you should try at least.
Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 11:07am

ouch. that's extreme -- poor kid.


One of my friends is like that with her oldest who is Liza's age and she's always talkinga bout how 'brave ' Liza is (BAHAHAHAHA) but it's more that her son never leaves her side b/c she never leaves his. When he went to kindergarten she fell apart so badly she got a volunteer position at the school so she could go to school with him every day -- she still does and he's in 3rd grade..!

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Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 11:18am

"I guess there was one day that I was gone for 5-6 hours, and it was torture for me!"

If it was torture for you, and not your son, it seems as if your "need" to stay at home is is more of a decision that has benefit for you.

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&nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 11:20am
Maybe it benefits both of them, in different ways.

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