Kids as an "excuse" to stay home

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Kids as an "excuse" to stay home
1429
Fri, 08-15-2008 - 2:16pm

No one would likely ever admit to this...but what percentage of women who stay at home, and have no plans to ever return to the work force, or to do more than work PT...stay home because of the kids, but also for the major fact that they simply don't want to work?


I don't love my job every second, and there's definitely jobs out there that I don't think I could get out of bed for every day. But the idea of never working again, and being completely dependent on my spouse...kind of blows my mind. I realize not everyone's of the same ilk, and one's not better than the other.


I do wonder how many of the women who go on and on about how great it is to be home with the kids, are primarily just relieved to not have to punch the clock every day in addition to being mom.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2008
Fri, 08-15-2008 - 3:02pm

I think just because a SAHM is relieved at not having to juggle working outside the home along with raising the kids, doesn't automatically mean they never want to work again. I think there is a small minority of women who would rather not work, some of them have kids and some don't. My MIL hasn't had kids in her home for a long time now and yet she has no desire to work. When she did work, she was self-employed and she really *can't* work for anyone else.


There is definitely the perception that SAHMs generally have no desire to "work". Sometimes childcare eats up a paycheck and it becomes a

-Darri 41, DH 36, DD 21, DD 10, DD 9, and DS born 03/29/08

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Fri, 08-15-2008 - 3:14pm

That's a good question, and I don't think we'll ever know the answer. If I had married a rich man (so much for Plan A, LOL), I probably would stay at home for a while *even though* I love my job to death. However, that's only because we would presumably have plenty of money for me and the kids to do lots of interesting things outside the actual home. Sure there is the park (well, sort of - they tore it down a couple months ago), but some days it's already almost 90 degrees at 9am. It's too hot and humid to go outside, and there's not much to do in our little apartment with boring old me, so I may as well work and he may as well go someplace bustling with people and toys.

But to not work for the sake of not working? Personally no because I find my job very enjoyable and meaningful. If a woman hates her job, then yes, I can see that she would rather spend her days as a SAHM. I think *anyone* would rather do what they find more enjoyable and meaningful.

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Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-15-2008 - 3:19pm

Oh, probably about the same percentage as the women who woh

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Fri, 08-15-2008 - 3:23pm

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I've never understood why someone would say that to someone unless they're on welfare. If the family can have X number of children, and care for them properly without government assistance, they CAN afford them. Whether the mother working would add or subtract from their take-home pay is circumstantial.

As an aside, I thought this was interesting and related to the topic at hand:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/wayoflife/08/05/lw.nokids.nojob.wives/index.html

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 08-15-2008 - 3:30pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2008
Fri, 08-15-2008 - 3:31pm

I'm a sahm and I've never felt "relief" because I don't have to work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2008
Fri, 08-15-2008 - 3:34pm

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I don't think that criticism should be said to any parent, male or female, on welfare or not.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-15-2008 - 3:36pm

I've seen plenty of sahms who say they'd go crazy if they spent 24/7 with their kids, too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Fri, 08-15-2008 - 3:40pm
I know a couple of men who are what I consider semi-retired SAHDs -- their kids are high school age, and they were SAHDs when the kids were little who never went back to work as people might have expected them to. I used to get a little, I dunno, judgemental, about the whole issue, but then I had to slap myself upside the head and remind myself that whatever works for other families is really OK. Really.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2008
Fri, 08-15-2008 - 3:40pm

I'll admit I'd rather not work.

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