Kids as an "excuse" to stay home

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Kids as an "excuse" to stay home
1429
Fri, 08-15-2008 - 2:16pm

No one would likely ever admit to this...but what percentage of women who stay at home, and have no plans to ever return to the work force, or to do more than work PT...stay home because of the kids, but also for the major fact that they simply don't want to work?


I don't love my job every second, and there's definitely jobs out there that I don't think I could get out of bed for every day. But the idea of never working again, and being completely dependent on my spouse...kind of blows my mind. I realize not everyone's of the same ilk, and one's not better than the other.


I do wonder how many of the women who go on and on about how great it is to be home with the kids, are primarily just relieved to not have to punch the clock every day in addition to being mom.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Sat, 08-16-2008 - 7:50am

"the nicest house on the block, the new car, eating out all the time, and spur of the moment vactions the list could go on and on"


The thing is very few dual WOH couples are able to afford those things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2008
Sat, 08-16-2008 - 7:58am

You would be surprised at how understanding people can be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2008
Sat, 08-16-2008 - 8:31am

"What is best for you kids should always come before your needs and WANTS."


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Sat, 08-16-2008 - 8:39am

"But at all costs you should always try to put your children first if possible."


I disagree, my childre are no more important than my DH or myself.

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-16-2008 - 8:42am

my daughter and I try to live by this credo -- sometimes she comes first. sometimes I come first. Sometimes neither of us come first because something or someone is more important. There are many times her needs trump mine but there are also many times my needs trump hers. by modeling this life I'm teaching her (she's 9) that sometimes we do put others first, we do evaluate situations to decide what's best and that sometimes we do come second or third or even last on the list -- she's first alot on the list. but honestly so am I.

It seems to work well for us.

yes I'm a single mom but I went back to work when she was 14 weeks old and I didn't get divorced until she was 5 so obviously I've always been a working mom ... I don't thinkt he single part of it has much to do with it in my case

and first steps are all well andgood but I think the better firsts are the ones that come when they're older and life is more complicated -- those are the real ones worth savoring.

"If gay Americans are not allowed to get married and have all the benefits that American citizens are entitled to by the Bill of Rights, they should get one hell of a tax break. That is my opinion,"

- Jeane "Dear Abby" Phillips, in an interview with Lisa Leff.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2007
Sat, 08-16-2008 - 9:12am

BTW, I'm not saying that you do this. I'm asking if anyone knows why some people do make this jump to conclusions.


Personally i think people are quick to judge others and well if my life isn't meeting others expectations, then assumptions are easily made that well I have had more kids than I can afford.


I have 4 kids and sah. I have worked part time on and off over the years but I have loved being sah. Part of the reason I have sah is daycare eats my whole paycheck and it isn't worth leaving my kids with others just so I can say, yes I work. IT isn't that big of a deal for me to be working out side my home. Money is tight from time to time but we make ends meet. Bills are paid, roof over our heads, kids have plenty to eat. we may not take vacations to disney every year but we are doing ok.


IT would be so much nicer and easier for all women if we didn't judge each other so much for choices that we all make. Why does it matter if I sah or you work or suzy down the street uses daycare? In the scheme of life these are just things that don't really matter in the end. I have friends that do both, sah and woh. We always find much more interesting things to talk about than whether one of us is working or not!


Lori

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2008
Sat, 08-16-2008 - 10:41am

"IT would be so much nicer and easier for all women if we didn't judge each other so much for choices that we all make. Why does it matter if I sah or you work or suzy down the street uses daycare? In the scheme of life these are just things that don't really matter in the end. I have friends that do both, sah and woh. We always find much more interesting things to talk about than whether one of us is working or not!"


Lori, thanks for giving us all a huge reality check!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Sat, 08-16-2008 - 10:52am

Over the years, I have exploited my kids openly. I have used the girls for free babysitting, free maid services, etc. Now it's Dylan's turn. Isn't that what kids are for?

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Sat, 08-16-2008 - 11:12am

>What is best for your kids is putting their needs before your own.<

But which needs for which child? It all comes down to balancing all the needs of the family, both parents and children.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Sat, 08-16-2008 - 1:35pm

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