Kids as an "excuse" to stay home

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Kids as an "excuse" to stay home
1429
Fri, 08-15-2008 - 2:16pm

No one would likely ever admit to this...but what percentage of women who stay at home, and have no plans to ever return to the work force, or to do more than work PT...stay home because of the kids, but also for the major fact that they simply don't want to work?


I don't love my job every second, and there's definitely jobs out there that I don't think I could get out of bed for every day. But the idea of never working again, and being completely dependent on my spouse...kind of blows my mind. I realize not everyone's of the same ilk, and one's not better than the other.


I do wonder how many of the women who go on and on about how great it is to be home with the kids, are primarily just relieved to not have to punch the clock every day in addition to being mom.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Sat, 08-16-2008 - 2:21pm
i agree.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Sat, 08-16-2008 - 2:24pm

Yes, you are right. For myself, if I had a person who was constantly trying to rebook appointments I had made months in advance, I would be moving on. I am a busy person and I do not like to have to think about these things much. I don't get my hair done, but I get my dog groomed every five weeks, and I make all the appointments once a year for the coming year. Only once in the six years we have used our groomer has she had to cancel an appointment. I appreciate that kind of reliability!

Did you have to move out of your dream house and sell your luxury when when you quit working or had you been able to pay off your car and your mortgage?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Sat, 08-16-2008 - 2:47pm

"life isn't always fair...i'm esp reminded of this this weekend because it's tax free shopping. ds got a pair of shoes that the girls didn't. we were saved. no major meltdowns,lol."

I'm really confused. What does getting shoes for one kid but not for the others have to do with fair? And why would there normally be major meltdowns? We went shopping yesterday. I bought a pair of sports shoes for ds but not for dd. Ds needed a new pair for the coming school year because he had outgrown his old pair. Dd's old pair still fit perfectly well. She wasn't in the least put-out, let alone inclined to have a meltdown, because it was perfectly obvious to her that ds needed a new pair and she didn't. It doesn't have anything to do with unfair...unless it's unfair that her feet are growing more slowly than ds'?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2008
Sat, 08-16-2008 - 3:44pm
Lois I do believe you may have gotten the wrong impression of me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2008
Sat, 08-16-2008 - 4:44pm
You're living pretty well for someone who is supposedly living "simple". Do you honestly have this much of a disconnect with the real world, or are you trying to make a point? Because most of the people in this country aren't driving beamers and living in big ol houses.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2008
Sat, 08-16-2008 - 4:44pm

Your children are a little older than Egd's so I hope there aren't any meltdown issues at their ages if not given new shoes when the other gets new shoes.


But

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-16-2008 - 4:53pm
I dunno-- there were three of us in my family and I don't ever remember my parents getting 3 of anything so one wouldn't feel left out-- my mother (who for someone born in Salt Lake City was more yankee than any of us) used to say very matter of factly -- "nope. this is for her/him" and we just ... accepted it. The only time i remember feeling slighted was when My sister got contacts before I did -- but my father said "she's older and can handle them, you can't" and that was that. I think either approach can work in the long run but certainly my parents way didn't leave me feeling like they loved any of us better at any time (although we all know the sun rose on my brother LOL)
"If gay Americans are not allowed to get married and have all the benefits that American citizens are entitled to by the Bill of Rights, they should get one hell of a tax break. That is my opinion,"

- Jeane "Dear Abby" Phillips, in an interview with Lisa Leff.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Sat, 08-16-2008 - 5:01pm

I'm fairly sure my dd is about the age of one of her kids, but I could be wrong. In any case, I can't ever recall a meltdown about one kid getting a pair of shoes while the other didn't. Perhaps it's the age difference between my two, but there has never been an issue with getting one kid something but not the other. Somehow, they managed to figure out from a very early age that they didn't need to get the same things at the same time, or even get the same things at all.

But I'm still trying to figure out what buying shoes for one kid but not another has to do with fairness....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Sat, 08-16-2008 - 5:20pm

even as a wohm, it has been a joy (most of the time, LOL!) to raise my kids. They are now almost 17 ds, 14 special needs dd, 12 dd and a 10 sd.

I'm laughing trying to figure out what "finer things" in life we have. I guess dh and I have the ability to take a long weekend trip about twice per year. And we can afford to take our yearly 1-week trip to the jersey shore. Our one really big trip was to Disney -- courtesy of the Make-A-Wish foundation -- hopefully, you will never be in that situation.

Maybe you mean my 13 year old Honda Accord that has 192,000 miles on it. Did you know that we're replacing the engine in it because we can't afford a "newer" car right now? Or maybe you mean my dh's 2004 chevy malibu?

We do use some of our extra income to pay for swimming lessons for sd, voice and piano lessons for dd 12 and guitar lessons for ds. We also pay for summer camps (one 2-week session for each) for the two girls.

Maybe you mean my home? I bought it with my ex in 1990 before we had any children. He quit-claimed on it when we divorced and I bought in in my name only -- for the mortgage price. When dh moved in, we converted the living room into a bedroom for his dd. Twelve years ago, I gave up my two-car garage to make a family room. Nope, can't afford any houses this size (5 BR; 2.5 bath) around here.

Through the years, I've had more than PLENTY of fun times with my kids -- MUCH too numerous to even begin to mention.

did i mention that the "jones'" are the family across the street with the sahm -- they have an inground pool, 2 jet-skis, a mercedes and a lexus and vacation for a whole month at the shore.....Yeah, we're so NOT keeping up with THEM, LOL!

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2008
Sat, 08-16-2008 - 6:13pm

Is the age difference between your children big or small?

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