Kids as an "excuse" to stay home

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Kids as an "excuse" to stay home
1429
Fri, 08-15-2008 - 2:16pm

No one would likely ever admit to this...but what percentage of women who stay at home, and have no plans to ever return to the work force, or to do more than work PT...stay home because of the kids, but also for the major fact that they simply don't want to work?


I don't love my job every second, and there's definitely jobs out there that I don't think I could get out of bed for every day. But the idea of never working again, and being completely dependent on my spouse...kind of blows my mind. I realize not everyone's of the same ilk, and one's not better than the other.


I do wonder how many of the women who go on and on about how great it is to be home with the kids, are primarily just relieved to not have to punch the clock every day in addition to being mom.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 1:07pm
I know what you mean, my SIL is a walking billboard for WOHM guilt. Of course, my BIL feels none :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 1:08pm

Perhaps they believe that the benefits received for their trade offs, make them pointless to mention?


Honestly, I know I have trade offs for my choices, but really...not seeing anything big on the horizon that isn't overshadowed by the benefits of the choice.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 1:11pm

"So when you said parents as in plural, you meant one single solitary one and posted those comment to me...why?"

Actually, I believe there is another poster here who has said pretty much the same (that they didn't miss anything) but since I don't have the post number, I won't name them. Maybe later I'll find the post ;)

And I posted my comment to you because it was in response to your comment that you think it's interesting that things only happen during WOH hours. Had you not said that, I wouldn't have responded in turn.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 1:12pm

Your older ds can't do homework at daycare?


Joey has to give me 5 kisses when he calls me by the nanny's name.....


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 1:21pm

The after care program does offer the parents coices of (A) I do NOT want my child to do homework here, (B) my child must START homework, but can stop after xxx minutes or (C) my child must work on homework until complete. As of yet I have *not* wanted him to do it there. He goes to teh after care program 2 days a week, and my ILs 3 days a week. His homework is not going to get done at the ILs house, but I'm not even going to touch on the reasons why.

I guess for the most part I am still wanting to be involved in the homework - or DH to be involved - I expect that as they get older and the homework increases, I will have him and Adam do it there, with us reviewing in the evening, but it is so far not something I am prepared to be one step removed --- I get a feeling for how Jack is grasping the work by watching him. That need will die down as the years progress, I suspect.



iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 1:32pm

But what you and Eileen are saying is two different things.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 1:38pm

"But given your response to the idea that you don't see that they've really 'missed' something they need to feel 'guilt' about, then why the debate points on the missing the 'firsts'?"

Because I have this strange ability to debate sides that I don't necessarily align with *personally*. For example, I happen to be a routine vax-er, but I often debate points in favor of non-vaxing. On this board there seems to be a "need" (for a lack of better term) for a little more balance (JMO, by the way) for the sake of debate.

I never loved WOH because I never had a job that I loved enough to make it worth the TIME I was missing with my young kids (As an aside, 0-5 is much shorter than 5-18. And I'm not saying its less important when they get older, just that when they are YOUNG, they are into being with Mommy. Now that they're older, they still like me to be *around*, they just don't want to be *with* me LOL!). When I was at work, I was wishing I was with them. But...I'm hoping that when I finally get my dream job - which I didn't realize was my "dream" until the birth of my 4th child when I was almost 30 - it will hopefully be one of those things where going to work isn't a chore, it's a calling. I completely understand that mom's who have jobs like that wouldn't want to give it up! But I'm also able to understand that when a mom gives HER reasons for staying at home, they are *her* reasons. They aren't (necessarily) a reflection of anyone else's parenting choices.

I'm also quite aware of the outrageous things that some baiters will say here on the board to try to get a rise or a reaction. I tend not to respond to those posts because for the most part they get pounced on well enough and if I have nothing more or different to add, then I don't.

I'm babbling now.... :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 1:39pm

No one did.

Who said WOH parents miss EVERYTHING while they are at work?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 1:44pm

<It's part of the US cult of motherhood, apple pie and Chevrolet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 1:45pm

Lucky you that you never had to deal with night terrors. They are not fun at all. And Dylan nursed at night clear up until he was 2. Fortunately, we co-slept with him. My kids have always gotten the hours of sleep that they needed between naps and nighttime. But they didn't have the hours that you posted (8:30pm to 6:30am if I remember correctly) until they were in school.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

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