Kids as an "excuse" to stay home

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Kids as an "excuse" to stay home
1429
Fri, 08-15-2008 - 2:16pm

No one would likely ever admit to this...but what percentage of women who stay at home, and have no plans to ever return to the work force, or to do more than work PT...stay home because of the kids, but also for the major fact that they simply don't want to work?


I don't love my job every second, and there's definitely jobs out there that I don't think I could get out of bed for every day. But the idea of never working again, and being completely dependent on my spouse...kind of blows my mind. I realize not everyone's of the same ilk, and one's not better than the other.


I do wonder how many of the women who go on and on about how great it is to be home with the kids, are primarily just relieved to not have to punch the clock every day in addition to being mom.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 5:08pm
Not to mention that most of the so-called "firsts" are pretty hard to determine, anyway. And the firsts that "count" are pretty arbitrary. I was there for my kid's first breath, first cry, first poop in a diaper, first bath, first giggle (never mind it was his Godmother who was holding him who elicted it from him), first time he dipped a french fry into ketchup and it made it into his mouth, first time pulling himself upright in the crib, first temper tantrum, first cuss word, first mouth being washed out with soap, first time on a two wheeler, first time in the principal's office,.....well, lots of 'em. I'm sure I missed some of 'em. I couldn't care less.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 5:10pm

many people forget that, for kids like my alyssa, there are NO milestones at all -- NOPE. She never made a single one -- didn't make her any less special.

Oh, wait, there was that one big Medical milestone -- when she became one of the first patients EVER to have a gene transplantation in the brain!

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 5:33pm
By the way...I'm not sure how this got turned into missing *firsts* specifically and exclusively???
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 5:46pm

Because it was used to illustrate that the reasons for SAH (such as not wanting to lose "firsts") are often about the mother, not about the kids. Again, there is nothing wrong with that. It was brought up because a classic exchange on this board goes something like this:

Poster A: I SAH because I want the best for my kids and I don't want strangers raising them.

Poster B: How is it the best?

A: I think it is so important to be there for the firsts.

B: Why is that important?

A: Because it would break my heart if the nanny was the one to see it and not me.

Of course the above exchange usually takes up 1578 posts over the course of many days, but the it remains the gist of many endless debates here over the years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 5:53pm

Except that I wasn't talking about missing firsts...I was talking about "missing things" in general. Be that the first steps, or the mother-daughter tea, or junior falling and cutting his head open on the stairs. Do all of these things happen only while mom is at work? Of course not. Do I miss a first step or an owie when I run to the store? Sure. But when I'm *regularly* home, I *regularly* see and am involved in things that I wouldn't be if I was *regularly* working out of the home.

Oh well...carry on.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 5:58pm
ITA.
baby in clothes basket
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 6:00pm
DD calls all women in magazines and books "Mommy." Shrug.
baby in clothes basket
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 7:20pm

"Why wouldn't you have simply explained that to the woman?"

I'm not sure which part you missed when I said:

"I did my best to explain that she just can't get out "Miss Rhonda" and that she hears my own kids call me mommy, it's not that she thinks *I AM* mommy ".

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 8:12pm

I like to work, I sah for brief periods and while I loved the time with my kids, I quickly learned that working status or lack there of was not relevant to achieve my goals

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 8:20pm
ot but a dear friend of mine where i used to live,indianapolis has a ds my own son's age who was diagnosed with brain cancer.

 

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