Kids as an "excuse" to stay home

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Kids as an "excuse" to stay home
1429
Fri, 08-15-2008 - 2:16pm

No one would likely ever admit to this...but what percentage of women who stay at home, and have no plans to ever return to the work force, or to do more than work PT...stay home because of the kids, but also for the major fact that they simply don't want to work?


I don't love my job every second, and there's definitely jobs out there that I don't think I could get out of bed for every day. But the idea of never working again, and being completely dependent on my spouse...kind of blows my mind. I realize not everyone's of the same ilk, and one's not better than the other.


I do wonder how many of the women who go on and on about how great it is to be home with the kids, are primarily just relieved to not have to punch the clock every day in addition to being mom.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2008
Sun, 08-17-2008 - 9:17am

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So your DS "needs" a bike to get around?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2008
Sun, 08-17-2008 - 9:19am
Right, birthdays were special.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Sun, 08-17-2008 - 9:29am
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2007
Sun, 08-17-2008 - 9:29am

LOL, that's likely very true.

I have to admit that if I were married, it really would NOT hurt my feelings to be a SAHW. (Can't really claim SAHM at this stage of the game, what with John being 25 and having his own place, y'know? LOL). And by that same token, I wouldn't be hurt to be the working spouse. I would expect to take on the majority of daily housework maintenance chores as the SAHW, and I would expect a SAHH to do likewise. It'd be like maid service. With sex. But sharing a bathroom and giving up closet space. (So, see, there are down sides ;)

If it's working for both spouses, I really and truly don't see the issue. I don't, however, agree that either spouse has some god-given right to be unemployed while the other spouse (whichever one it is) is working tons of extra hours or needs to take on an additional job to support the household.

~~~~~~~~~

Kitty


"BTW, I hate Lifetime. Their movies will suck you in and all of a sudden you've watched 3 in a row, used every tissue in the house and started on the toilet paper, there's no ice cream or popcorn left, and your IQ has dropped 29 points.", by the awesomeness that is zippinpipin

~~~~~~~~~

Kitty

"BTW, I hate Lifetime. Their movies will suck you in and all of a sudden you've watched 3 in a row, used every tissue in t

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2007
Sun, 08-17-2008 - 9:41am

you obviously don't know anyone who actually owns a boat. LOL.

My brother and SIL own a boat; they are on it constantly. WITH the kids. Who practically went straight from the bottle to water skiing. The four of them are almost always together on the weekends--now that both boys are in high school, the times they are NOT together in the boat are when the BOYS have other activities, not because the boat keeps the family apart. If anything the things the boys will remember (and speak of often now) are the times they've been out on the Mississippi or Rock River together as a family.

I don't know anyone who has a boat because they're trying to keep up with the Joneses (whomever they might be). The people who own boats typically ::::gasp:::: use them. Because, y'know, most people aren't moronic imbeciles, which is pretty much what someone would have to be to pony up for a boat that they never use.

As for the "giving up the finer things" answer me this, Texaco Answer Man. Why is it okay for me to languist as "just barely getting by", but not okay for me to earn lots of money? Why is it okay for us to struggle and scrimp, but not okay for us to be comfortable? Why is it okay to be on the brink of disaster, but for the next paycheck, but NOT okay for me to earn the most money possible for the time I'm away from my family?

~~~~~~~~~

Kitty


"BTW, I hate Lifetime. Their movies will suck you in and all of a sudden you've watched 3 in a row, used every tissue in the house and started on the toilet paper, there's no ice cream or popcorn left, and your IQ has dropped 29 points.", by the awesomeness that is zippinpipin

~~~~~~~~~

Kitty

"BTW, I hate Lifetime. Their movies will suck you in and all of a sudden you've watched 3 in a row, used every tissue in t

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Sun, 08-17-2008 - 9:50am

Both kids need to learn how to bike, as bikes will sooner or later be their main form of transportation, so both kids need bikes. I always rode my bike to school. Won't your kids bike to school someday? So far, dd has gotten mostly hand-me-down bikes from ds. She seems perfectly happy with them and looks forward to inheriting the next size up eventually.

I don't really understand the emphasis on gears. Doesn't that depend on what kind of landscape one expects to be riding through? Most of my Dutch friends have no more than 3 gears; they simply don't need any more. We got bikes with 21 gears when we lived in Switzerland because we had to ride up and down serious hills every day, and that was the standard number of higher gears at that time. We have the same problem with hills now and so got ds a bike 24 gears (24 seems to be the new standard number for bikes with higher numbers of gears). Dd is, unfortunately, still limited to 3 gears because that is all that is available here in her size. Unfortunately, it means she has to walk her bike up some of the worst hills.

My sister and I had similar taste in music and enjoyed listening to it together. When she needed privacy, she just closed her door. When I wanted to listen to something but she didn't, she lent me her stereo.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2007
Sun, 08-17-2008 - 9:52am
LOL. I've been known to tell John in a sweet moment, that he truly is my favorite child. ;) Sometimes I just narrow it down to gender, "You're my favorite son." I've also told John's little brother, "Of all John's brothers, you're my favorite." That never fails to crack him up.

~~~~~~~~~

Kitty


"BTW, I hate Lifetime. Their movies will suck you in and all of a sudden you've watched 3 in a row, used every tissue in the house and started on the toilet paper, there's no ice cream or popcorn left, and your IQ has dropped 29 points.", by the awesomeness that is zippinpipin

~~~~~~~~~

Kitty

"BTW, I hate Lifetime. Their movies will suck you in and all of a sudden you've watched 3 in a row, used every tissue in t

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Sun, 08-17-2008 - 10:03am
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Sun, 08-17-2008 - 10:07am

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Actually, yes and yes. We were very pleased with all of our dc situations (and we just about used them all over the years, LOL!). They've pretty much been comparable to what they have here at home.

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But you are wrong. I never worried, not once about whether they were "properly cared for". I did my research, interviewed like crazy, did spot visits (or had my mom do them) and KNEW that they were well cared for. We've spent the summer breaking in our new nanny. I've had no worries leaving my special needs dd with her.

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I can't even begin to imagine being a parent and missing any of that. Nope. Been there for all their "older" firsts. Ds joined a band and had his first "concert" on Memorial Day weekend. I dropped him off at his first job in mid-July and picked him up when his training shift was over. I've been present when dd 12 had her different dance recital shows, as well as her vocal recital with her private teacher. I've been with sd 10 when she went to her first swimming lesson (when she was 7).

In fact, the only "first" I "missed" was one teacher-parent night about 6-7 years ago. Ex and I (we were still married then), had purchased tickets to a concert and it just happened to be that same night. We sent my parents to Open house.

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Even while working all these years (17 as a wohm -- with 3 kids), I've always "been there" for them. I have depended on other people to "care" for them while I've bene working, but in general they are, and always have been (and will continue to be) MY responsibility.

Eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Sun, 08-17-2008 - 10:22am

"Eventually they will realize your absence in the big moments in their lives could pose bigger problems down the line."

Am I correct to assume that you are saying that eventually the children of working mothers will realize that the mother has been absent from the big moments in their lives, and that the mother's absence could pose bigger problems down the line?

If so, I'd like to know where you gained such knowledge and insight into the lives of all working mothers? See, I'm a working mom. I'm also the now-grown child of a working mom. While I think the above statement may be true for some family or another out there, I cannot imagine why you would think it is true for all. There is not a single grain of truth to it in regards to my childhood or family of origin. And I really do not think my family is the only one who managed to have a very happy and fulfilled life with two working parents.

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