Kids as an "excuse" to stay home

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Kids as an "excuse" to stay home
1429
Fri, 08-15-2008 - 2:16pm

No one would likely ever admit to this...but what percentage of women who stay at home, and have no plans to ever return to the work force, or to do more than work PT...stay home because of the kids, but also for the major fact that they simply don't want to work?


I don't love my job every second, and there's definitely jobs out there that I don't think I could get out of bed for every day. But the idea of never working again, and being completely dependent on my spouse...kind of blows my mind. I realize not everyone's of the same ilk, and one's not better than the other.


I do wonder how many of the women who go on and on about how great it is to be home with the kids, are primarily just relieved to not have to punch the clock every day in addition to being mom.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 3:02pm
but some consider furnishing full college rides a "necessity" for her family,her children..what does that make her?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 3:05pm

I would think choice, as college is not a basic necessity of life....but a life choice.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2008
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 3:10pm

Excellent definitions, imo.


And may I add

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 3:11pm

I think she is choosing to call that a necessity based on what is a comfortable standard of living for her. I mean, I think all of us sit down and weigh pros and cons and decide, yes, this is what I want out of life, and this is how I will structure my life in order to make what I want possible. People have goals, and they do what it takes to achieve them as long as the tradeoff isn't too high. We are planning on funding our childrens' college, and maybe even some other peoples' kids' college. But if I had had to work sixty hours a week to do that, I would have modified our goals -- because the tradeoff would have been too high. I would not be willing to work sixty hours a week to pay for my kids' college. On the other hand, if I had to work sixty hours a week to pay for my kids' medical treatments, I would have done that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 3:14pm
I think it DOESN"T matter, as long as you are happy with the situation. It is when you get unhappy with a situation that it matters. If I am working because I choose to, and my life situation changes and I don't choose to anymore, I can make a big change pretty easily. But if I am working because I have to, and my job situation turns south, it can get pretty ugly pretty quickly.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 3:57pm

To me, a htwohp is one without whose income the family would lack minimally adequate food, shelter, clothing and insurance.


Other families and parents define "having to work" differently, of course.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 3:59pm

It's not a "necessity" the way food, clothing and shelter are, but for generations now, in my family parents have paid most or all of their childrens' college educations. I'm proud of that, and I have no desire to "break that streak" with my kids.


It can't be a necessity in the true sense, as my BIL and SIL will still be paying off their own education loans when my nieces are in college, so my nieces are SOL.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 4:01pm

"I would not be willing to work sixty hours a week to pay for my kids' college."


Assuming the only reason you were working 60 hours a week, every week, was to pay for that, and not because you also enjoyed work and were advancing your career.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 4:05pm
Not quite a necessity, but definitely something worth working for. I would not sit home if it meant the difference between my kid having to put herself through college and having help from her parents. Likewise, I would work if it meant that my kid could go to a better school. Finally, even if all the above were taken care of, I would work in order to add to savings. IOW, it is hard for me to see why I would not work in some way or another almost no matter what the situation. This is in large part because I do not see any great advantage in my staying home any more than I already do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 4:17pm
I meant work sixty hours a week regularly over a period of time. I would not do that unless I had to in order to provide basic necessities for my family. My mother did that for many years after my parents divorced, and it took a decade off her life, I am persuaded.

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