Kids as an "excuse" to stay home

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Kids as an "excuse" to stay home
1429
Fri, 08-15-2008 - 2:16pm

No one would likely ever admit to this...but what percentage of women who stay at home, and have no plans to ever return to the work force, or to do more than work PT...stay home because of the kids, but also for the major fact that they simply don't want to work?


I don't love my job every second, and there's definitely jobs out there that I don't think I could get out of bed for every day. But the idea of never working again, and being completely dependent on my spouse...kind of blows my mind. I realize not everyone's of the same ilk, and one's not better than the other.


I do wonder how many of the women who go on and on about how great it is to be home with the kids, are primarily just relieved to not have to punch the clock every day in addition to being mom.


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Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 10:19pm

We had a great time thanks. Liza has some definite 9 year old "whatEVERRRR" attitude at times but i think that was exacerbated by a bothersome loose tooth which Kelly finally plucked out tonight - it was like Liza became a different girl almost immediatly LOL.

We spent a day and night in Plymouth then two nights in Truro/Ptown - we were there for Carnivale which was quite an adventure for Liza -- she got her body weight in beads thrown from the parade floats and saw more bad and good drag than she could ever imagine... We had great weather and are very tanned now!

here's a few photos from Carnivale-including the tuckered out kid after the parade

"If gay Americans are not allowed to get married and have all the benefits that American citizens are entitled to by the Bill of Rights, they should get one hell of a tax break. That is my opinion,"

- Jeane "Dear Abby" Phillips, in an interview with Lisa Leff.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2008
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 10:21pm
I always wonder if you still think I'm out of your league. It would be truly hilarious, considering your prowess at comprehension and complex thought in this thread.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 10:22pm

Do you think the sahdom provide a better safety net than working, in general? From my standpoint, working and banking a large portion of the salary provides a better safety net. Not only because the money is in the bank, but also because one's earning potential increases when they are gaining experience.

As far as the working moms complaining that they can't afford to sah, do you really know what they can and can't afford? It seems strange to me that you would have any reaction to them saying that, other than to accept it at face value. I know lots of dual income families in which a single income would cover the mortgage and the utilities, no food, no spending money. So they both work, and they double the family income, and now can afford all the necessities plus some luxuries. It would be easy to assume, since they now have luxuries, that they could afford to stay home if they just did without luxuries. But the reality may not be the case.

And finally, I think the whole line of argument that sahms are less likely to be in debt is silly. Some people are bad with money. Working or not. On one hand, people argue that the people who are working MUST be doing so because they cannot afford to sah. On the other hand, the same people argue that those people can afford it if they just make better financial choices. I wish anyone who has this strong anti-woh feeling would just make up their minds. Which is it? People who can afford to sah, do so, people who can't, work? Or is it that anyone who claims they can't afford to is just setting their standard of living too high?

Because posters admit that they don't need the money, and there is a whole trio of posters ready to say "nuh uh, if you didn't need it, you would work". Other posters admit that they work because they need it, and a whole trio of posters (sometimes the same ones) respond with "you can afford it if you learn to budget properly". It almost seems like said posters can't make up their minds which will make them feel more superior--being richer or being able to live on less.

And then there is always someone who insists that this board must be too heavily slanted on the woh side, not because there is a whole band of posters insisting that woh is morally superior or the better choice for everyone's kids, but because there are a slew of posters willing to refute that generalizations can be made about the morals, the finances, or the children of wohms.

I have a rant. Not necessarily directed at you, bizzy. Sometimes I think there is an underlying insecurity among a few posters that lead them to feel compelled to believe that somehow or another, they have to feel superior to wohms. It's not good enough to say our choices are equally valid, not good enough to say we're all good moms making the best choices we can for our families. Nope, not good enough to be equals. That particular trio seems to have something at stake in believing that being a sahm makes them better. A better mom. Wealthier. Morally superior. A better Christian. Better at budgeting. And if anyone dares say that no, sah is not superior, both choices are valid, well then they are clearly on the wohm side. And God forbid you have the majority of the board saying both choices are valid, because then it is a support board for wohms. Never mind that the majority is supporting BOTH choices. As long as they are not agreeing that sah is somehow superior, they are on the wohm side.

I have no doubt that there will be people who immediately respond to my post with the supposed parallel argument. That is the trend here. Every time someone points out that one or two people are making arguments stating the superiority of sah, someone responds with a fictional or greatly exaggerated statement that argues for the superiority of wohms, and is equally as ridiculous as the sah superiority argument, but was never actually argued.

So once again, I will state my stance on this debate: different choices work for different families. There is no superiority to my choice when compared to someone who made a different choice. My choice does not make me a better mother or a better wife or a better person than someone who made a different choice. It does not guarantee me a better life or a higher income or a greater standard of living than those people who have made a different choice. It is the best choice for me, for my family. It does not deprive my children of anything. If anyone here made a different choice, and feels it is the best choice for their family, then I accept your word for it, it is the best choice for your family and I am not going to argue about the effect it has on YOUR children or YOUR spouse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2008
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 10:23pm
She looks so much like you.
Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 10:25pm

Sigh..i know ..poor thing LOL. In Maine earlier in the month my SIL was sitting with Kelly at at the pool while Liza and I and my brother and boys were swimming and my SIL said to kelly "look at them" (meaning me and Liza) they even have the same waddle.

WADDLE? we WADDLE? sigh.... LOL

"If gay Americans are not allowed to get married and have all the benefits that American citizens are entitled to by the Bill of Rights, they should get one hell of a tax break. That is my opinion,"

- Jeane "Dear Abby" Phillips, in an interview with Lisa Leff.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2008
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 10:29pm

Because I believe that sah is better for children than having dual wohps, if the economy allowed.


Does your DH sah?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2008
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 10:30pm
Why would you still care what I think?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2008
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 10:38pm
I know that you believe that, that's the one liner you keep spouting off with. You have yet to provide any reasoning whatsoever behind that belief.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 10:45pm
It's so nice to put a face with the name! Those are great pics thanks for sharing! :)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2006
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 11:01pm

Personally I believe having dual wahs is better, but I've got nothing to back it up other than experience with my own children. They have both mother and father actively involved in all their activities not based on a 9-5 work schedule. We're school volunteers, sports coaches...

Do you have proof that sah is better? TIA.

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