Kids as an "excuse" to stay home

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Kids as an "excuse" to stay home
1429
Fri, 08-15-2008 - 2:16pm

No one would likely ever admit to this...but what percentage of women who stay at home, and have no plans to ever return to the work force, or to do more than work PT...stay home because of the kids, but also for the major fact that they simply don't want to work?


I don't love my job every second, and there's definitely jobs out there that I don't think I could get out of bed for every day. But the idea of never working again, and being completely dependent on my spouse...kind of blows my mind. I realize not everyone's of the same ilk, and one's not better than the other.


I do wonder how many of the women who go on and on about how great it is to be home with the kids, are primarily just relieved to not have to punch the clock every day in addition to being mom.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 11:16pm

Whew...I know I'm not going to be able to address all your points, but I wanted to hit on some of them.

"Do you think the sahdom provide a better safety net than working, in general? From my standpoint, working and banking a large portion of the salary provides a better safety net."

For us it did/does. I know our spending habits and we are not as disciplined at some of you fantastic savers. We tend to spend what we make, so we learned to reduce what we spend in order to originally SAH with the understanding that if something major changed things, I could and would return for work. Yes, banking the money is *a* safety net (better? No judgment there, right?) but not a "better" one for us.

"As far as the working moms complaining that they can't afford to sah, do you really know what they can and can't afford? "

Because I know these people intimately - they are my family members. They cry "poor" when they insist they "have to work" (based on the definitions of htwoh and ctwoh given by Lois) in order to pay for their third car (for a 2 adult family), to purchase a new pool table, to have not one but THREE time shares in Cabo, to buy an iPhone on it's first release..etc. etc.

"It would be easy to assume, since they now have luxuries, that they could afford to stay home if they just did without luxuries. But the reality may not be the case."

I have some uncouth family members who insist on sharing financial information (that I've always believed should remain private) so yes, I know.

"And finally, I think the whole line of argument that sahms are less likely to be in debt is silly."

Can you point out where I made that line of argument? Because I don't recall doing so...

"Because posters admit that they don't need the money, and there is a whole trio of posters ready to say "nuh uh, if you didn't need it, you would work". Other posters admit that they work because they need it, and a whole trio of posters (sometimes the same ones) respond with "you can afford it if you learn to budget properly"."

And I don't agree with that. But I also don't agree with the notion that sahp's are setting themselves up for financial doomsday by virtue of not working there is no safety net.

"I have a rant. Not necessarily directed at you, bizzy."

Uh oh...the "necessarily" has me worried that it is....

"Sometimes I think there is an underlying insecurity among a few posters that lead them to feel compelled to believe that somehow or another, they have to feel superior to wohms."

Whew. That surely can't be directed at me. I can think of several posters here that I admire. I don't think they are superior to me, but I can certainly admire their positions/methods even if I disagree with them on the subject. Similarly, I don't feel that I am superior to those with whom I disagree.

"And if anyone dares say that no, sah is not superior, both choices are valid, well then they are clearly on the wohm side."

Noooo...because I've made those kinds of comments too and I'm clearly not on the "wohm side". I tend to offer "the other side" which is, you can't deny, in the minority on this board. I don't often see other SAHMs who've been here for a long time answer the questions of "safety nets" and "what it is that they can provide that othercare can't", so I do. Maybe they've offered them several times in the past..I just haven't seen it in my short time here, so yes, it appears to be lop-sided. But I can understand why it is. It *is* hard to be one person fielding a firing of questions/challenges to points and I'm sure lots of sahm's just leave. That's the nature of debate boards I suppose.

"So once again, I will state my stance on this debate: different choices work for different families. "

And as a former ftwohm, a former ftsahm, and a current ft/ptwahm I completely agree. It's the nuances in the debate, though, that keep me coming back.

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Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 11:18pm

Hey...welcome back!


How was the trip?


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 11:29pm

....and I chose to go back to work.


You decided to continue to sah, you tell me.


PumpkinAngel

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 11:31pm

Every man I met before I even had kids thought it was awesome that I wasn't on this feminist sexual independant hear me roar campaign feeling the need to work and that I was totally cool staying at home. Guys would tell hubby.."I can't believe she's actually choosing not to work" "My wife would never do that"...It's only women that I encounter issues with. "


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-23-2008 - 1:48am
You do see, don't you, that #2 and #3 are about you, not the welfare of the kids, right?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-23-2008 - 1:52am
And if pigs cold fly, I would be a kangaroo.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2005
Sat, 08-23-2008 - 9:23am

"2. As Christians, my husband and I have certain values that we feel are important to instill in our children and one of the best ways to make sure that those values are instilled (in the way that we feel God is directing us) is to do the work ourselves.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2008
Sat, 08-23-2008 - 10:07am

You chose to sah twice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2008
Sat, 08-23-2008 - 10:12am

So, I'll take that as a Yes, your DH now SAH instead of you SAH.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2008
Sat, 08-23-2008 - 10:14am
Your use of the word "still"

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