KIDS LEARN BY EXAMPLE: HIGHER EDUCATION

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2003
KIDS LEARN BY EXAMPLE: HIGHER EDUCATION
186
Sun, 07-13-2003 - 2:08pm
I am the mother of three girls, they are 20,14 and 8 yrs old. I was fortunate enough to be married to a workaholic and was able to stay home with all my children until they all attended school full time. I have no regrets staying home raising my girls with high standards and good morals. It has been important to me that my children get a higher education so they do not have to depend on a man when they become adults. I have always taught them that the sky is the limit if they have that degree in their hand. So, in order for me to stress how important it was, when my 8 yr old started school full time, I went back to college and got my associates degree. It was time for me to back up all the talk of "higher education" and it was time for me to pick up the peices I had put on the back burner while staying home rasing small children. I have no regrets, it was a struggle juggling a full load at college and keeping up with the house and kids.

I think it is important to be home when the children are young because the first three years are so crucial to their developement. But SAHM's need to know that there is life after sleepless nights, being up all night with sick children. They need to enjoy and embrace those moments because children grow up so fast. They also need to know that you can still have your dreams and reach your goals that were important to you before you became MOMMY.

I feel it is important to teach girls by example not to depend on others for their happiness or for financial stability. If you do that, they will be ready for the real world and not have to be stuck in bad relationships when they are older.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 07-13-2003 - 2:19pm
Good for you. I hope you also teach your girls that it's possible to get your higher education and have a career BEFORE they start families. I've found it to make life great in a lot of ways.

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Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 07-13-2003 - 2:25pm
What do you think happens when mom works those first "crucial" three years??

BTW, I don't consider your kids lucky that their dad was a work-a-holic. I happen to think that fathers are important to have in a child's life. I would never consider myself lucky if dh were a work-a-holic so I could SAH. Your post is full of contradictions.

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 07-13-2003 - 6:08pm
Higher education isn't a bad thing at all, and probably increases the success rate of the things you mention, but teaching any child to be a decent human being with values and morals will take them a long way in ways that education can't. There are a lot of educated people who are selfish jerks. lol

Don't underestimate the power of being a parent who leads by moral example. Educated women get in bad and abusive relationships and manage their finances poorly too. Educated women can be high in educational knowledge and low in wisdom and common sense when it comes to self-respect, life, and relationships.

Just my 2 cents worth but I'm really not disagreeing with you. Just pointing out that a degree doesn't guarantee anything, not even a job.

Cindy (A sahm for the past 22 years who also has a college degree.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 07-13-2003 - 6:13pm
AMEN, SISTAHHHHH!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2003
Mon, 07-14-2003 - 8:38am
In this day and age if one parent is going to stay at home with the children, the other parent is going to have to pick up the slack when it comes to making money. I would rather be married to a hard working man and a good provider then to be married to a lazy man that has no ambition. BTW, my children have been fortunate since they have never had to worry about where their next bite is coming from like many of today's children. When you have children there are always sacrafices to be made and Dad working twice as hard so Mom could stay home when they were young was one of them.

It sounds like to me that you are full of resentment for some unknown reason or maybe you have some displaced anger.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Mon, 07-14-2003 - 8:58am
You like to remind us all how educated you are...go get a book on child development and see for yourself why the first three years+ are so important. A lot of development (physically, emotionally and mentally) happens early on that sets patterns for the rest of the child's life and many parents don't want to miss the opportunity to be there if they have a choice.

I don't think there were any contradictions in the original post, just different opinions than yours and different choices than you made (which hardly makes them contradictory). Working hard isn't the same as work-a-holic, and while she used the term work-a-holic, it seems she meant working hard, but I guess she'll have to clarify that herself.

Just as some husbands and wives choose to team together by both working outside the home in order to achieve financial goals, other couples team together by one working hard at home and the other working hard outside the home. Both make personal sacrifices to achieve the desired goal for the family.



iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Mon, 07-14-2003 - 9:09am
Our kids will probably go to college but if they don't and remain the kind and happy people they are now, I will feel hubby and I succeeded. Education is a wonderful thing, but if you aren't a decent person besides, you lose the opportunity to use your education to influence others in a positive way. No one wants to follow a jerk, no matter how many degrees that jerk may have.

I also agree that the education doesn't guarantee success in relationships or even life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Mon, 07-14-2003 - 9:38am
I disagree. I am a sahm but I would go back to work if dh had to work twice as hard for me to sah. As it is, he works reasonable hours--he has a 3 minute commute and gets off work at 3:30. Dd has never had to wonder where her next meal is coming from, nor does she wonder why her dad is never around. A child's relationship with her father is irreplaceable, not something that can be made up for by more time with mom.


My husband works hard and is by no means lazy, but he has no particular ambition to climb the corporate ladder. His family is much more important to him than the next promotion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-14-2003 - 9:40am
ITA Cindy, great post! :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
Mon, 07-14-2003 - 10:59am
"I would rather be married to a hard working man and a good provider then to be married to a lazy man that has no ambition."

Are these the only options? And does "hard working man and good provider" have to mean work-a-holic?

"BTW, my children have been fortunate since they have never had to worry about where their next bite is coming from like many of today's children."

OK--I work FT and neither have my children.

Don't get me wrong, I think your point about SAHMs realizing their dreams too is a very good one. I believe all human beings should develop passions in life that are not dependent on other people. But I don't think you should have to stay home until your kids are in school and THEN pursue your dreams. My dreams are intricately tied in with my family--not separate from them.

Jenn

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