Ladies...Enough Already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Ladies...Enough Already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Mon, 10-04-2004 - 2:10pm
Can we please voluntarily end this thread from grlimilakinskeeper, or whatever her screen name is...it's getting too personal, and not very productive.

Kat

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 4:50pm
You werent always there to curtail it though, right? Didnt he usually get the girls off to school in the morning? Who took care of them while you were in class? Did you keep him and them in plain view at all times when you were home?

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 5:29pm
It will be a wonderful thing if STBX quits altogether or at least manages to not smoke while dds are with him. But if you do manage to put a no-smoking stipulation on his visits and he loses visitation, there will be emotional fallout for the girls which will be quite likely worse than second-hand smoke.

If he loses visitation because of smoking, you will have to deal with 2 sources of some very serious anger they will have. 1)anger at him for smoking and thereby losing visitation and 2) anger at you for putting a condition on his visitation that you knew he couldn't follow. The fallout of this anger may make you wish you had something as easy to deal with as second-hand smoke.

Before you say, "Parents shouldn't make decisions based on what will make their kids not angry", I'm not talking about garden-variety "I'm angry you won't buy me a new X-Box" anger. This would be at the more fundamental, damaging level. The kind of anger that gets expressed by self-damaging behaviours and a particularly difficult adulthood because that anger will be carried to their adult relationships.

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 6:07pm
Yep.

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

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Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 6:35pm
You got your answer. Second hand smoke is not good for kids. If xh wants to turn this into a battle, then we'll deal with it. I will, however, not tolerate his smoking around the kids. From what I'm reading, neither will the court.
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Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 6:36pm
We'll deal with it. I'm a child of divorce myself. BDTD.
Avatar for taylormomma
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Registered: 03-23-2003
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 6:38pm
Ah. I see. So you didn't actually read her post. Got it.
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Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 6:46pm
If he loses visitation because he can't step outside, the girls will know why. I've been telling him for 9 years to take it outside. We know what he thinks of me by his actions. If he has the same response to the court, then he's a pretty lousy excuse for a father. What kind of parent would subject their child to second hand smoke knowing what we know today? A pretty lousy one if you ask me.

The situation will be explained to the girls if it comes down to it. They'll be told the court told daddy not to smoke around them and he did it anyway. Somehow, I doubt he'll show the court the same contempt he's shown me. I don't think he's going to be able to afford to smoke after we're divorced if he doesn't get custody and child support and I really don't think he can.

He's going to have some hard choices here. Smoking or his kids. Smoking and drinking or retirement some day. He also has to find medical insurance. I'm sure they'll call his heart condition a pre existing condition so he'll have about a $300/month prescription bill on top of insurance premiums. Money may very well be tight enough for him that he has to quit smoking.

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Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 6:48pm
When I was home, it was a constant battle. One in which I had much more power because I worked. Yes my working resulted in the girls being alone with him for an hour and a half a day but my quitting would have made it worse as I would have had no power. Their exposure was not increased by my WOH. That is what gave me the power I had to curtail what I did. Unfortunately, I didn't have enough power to stop it. Hopefully, the court will succeed where I failed.
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Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 6:50pm
OIC. Equal access to dad isn't important enough to work around logistics but it's important enough that you should subject your kids to second hand smoke to achieve. I don't think so. It's much easier to move than to get someone to quit smoking.

I'm trying to protect my kids from their father because he doesn't care enough to protect them himself. Smoking around kids is WRONG. PERIOD. Good parents don't do it. If he chooses cigarettes over his girls, he's a sad excuse for a human being.

Yes, I'm trying to limit their exposure to a smoker. Any good parent would.


Edited 10/9/2004 6:54 pm ET ET by grimalkinskeeper

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 6:58pm
Whatever.

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