Ladies...Enough Already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Ladies...Enough Already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
779
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 2:10pm
Can we please voluntarily end this thread from grlimilakinskeeper, or whatever her screen name is...it's getting too personal, and not very productive.

Kat

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 7:06pm
I didnt ask you if secondhand smoke was bad for kids. I asked about the emotional ramifications, which you conveniently and repeatedly choose to ignore. You have always been really big on citing statistics and research-what about all that documented research about things like how joint custody tends to be better for children overall, and about how girls who dont have fathers in their lives have a MUCH higher chance of having lifelong emotional issues.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 7:09pm
Wow did that point fly over your head.

You are PURPOSELY trying to restrict his access to his children. She is not. Big difference there.

So if you get him to agree to not smoke around the girls, are you going to be able to accept joint custody? Because somehow I think you are going to keep looking for things no matter *what* he agrees to.

Its just not about the smoking at all.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 7:10pm
And you want them to grow up having the same issues as you do? I'd think you would want more for them than that.

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 7:13pm
i can't even begin to imagine the conversation. "yes my 2 dd's i am keeping you from your father because 2nd hand smoke is dangerous. Nevermind the 9+ YEARS that i continued to allow you to be exposed to it. I'm doing it now because i can, because i can use this to make your dad do what i want him to do. I'm doing it because now i can CONTROL him. additionally, you'll thank me IF i've saved you from being exposed to 2nd hand smoke for the 9+ YEARS that you have remaining under my OR his roof -- so, when you're in your 60's hopefully you will continue to thank me -- assuming of course you don't still get lung cancer nor some other kind of cancer. remember kids i'm doing this because i love you and this is what's best for you -- even though it will virtually remove your dad from your life."

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eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 7:15pm
Quit saying I allowed it. I allowed about like you allowed your dh to go shopping on the web. Failing to stop something is NOT the same as allowing it and you know it. I've never ALLOWED it. I've been trying to stop it from day one and my dd's know it. They also try to stop it. He just doesn't care.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 7:16pm
No, I told you we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. There's not a damn thing I can do from here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 7:24pm
Thank you. There's a HUGE difference between what GK is doing re: visitation and what I'm doing. I've done everything i can to MAXIMIZE their time with him. However, there are only so many hours in a day -- and there's school and religious school and basketball and soccer, etc. He sees them 3 mornings a week to get them started getting ready for school (3 hours) and 2 evenings per week (6-9:30 pm -- 3.5 hours x 2 = 7 hours). when you balance that against my M, W, F from 5-9:30 pm (4.5 x 3) = 13.5 hours, plus they do sleep here. then he gets a weekend and i get a weekend. It's about as balanced as it's gonna get for now. If we tried to balance it further by alternating T, TH and M, W, F invariably someone would mess it up (most likely him, LOL!). Also, next summer, as usual, I'm home with them all day, every day with the exception of when they're in camp. So, then we'll do 2 weekends for him in a row and then 1 weekend for me -- so starting next summer (couldn't do it this summer because he was still living at his mom and dad's) he will have 8 weekends to my 4.

again, thanks for clarifying the differences between our two visitation situation. I'd be mortified if I even thought about trying to reduce his visitation -- they SO adore their dad!!!! And they NEED him!

Eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 7:26pm
i should also mention that we batted around the idea of their sleeping at his house those 2 nights a week, but it would be just too crazy the next morning. he doesn't live in this school district, so would have to get everybody up and out and back here by 7 AM, LOL...OR he'd have to take the morning off and drive to 3 different towns to drop them off....it's almost too funny to comprehend.

So, HE put THEIR best interests first as school is critical.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 7:32pm
if it really was this much of a bug up your butt, you would have left -- plain and simple -- and you wouldn't have needed YET ANOTHER thread on this board....you allowed it by staying.

Oh, and do you know WHY i "allowed" my dh to continue his little e-crap? because my son's bar-mitzvah was in 6 weeks and there was NO WAY IN HELL that i was going to do ANYTHING to ruin what he had spent a year preparing for!!!! So, like the great mother that i am, i stuffed down every bit of anger, loathing, condemnation, etc...because i LOVE my son THAT much. My best friend, sisters and parents were SO proud of me for doing it that way.

Oh, and i made the best of it by walking on my treadmill -- anger is a phenomenal motivator -- and i've since walked off close to 40 lbs.!!!! almost 3 full sizes!

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 7:35pm
and for the record -- if we hadn't been planning such a huge affair, stbxh would have been GONE, OUT OF THE HOME the NEXT day after I found out....or within a week or two as i put my ducks in a row.

eileen

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