Ladies...Enough Already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Ladies...Enough Already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
779
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 2:10pm
Can we please voluntarily end this thread from grlimilakinskeeper, or whatever her screen name is...it's getting too personal, and not very productive.

Kat

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 7:40pm
Theres a whole lot you could do. Find a psychiatrist or psychologist for the girls for one, and consult with them as to what really WOULD be in their best interests. They might be able to give you a clearer picture as to how difficult it would be for them to go from seeing their dad every day to not at all. They might be able to give you some tips on what using children as pawns in a divorce does to them.



dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 8:06pm
LOL, so it has to be THE reason for the divorce to be worth fighting for, lol. No, there are lots of reasons for leaving, this is just one of them. And yes, it is a big deal. We're talking about exposing my kids to, probably, higher levels of second hand smoke than they've already been exposed to if I don't get a court order in place to ban smoking around the kids. I see no reason for the divorce to result in more exposure. What they've been exposed to is bad enough but, at least, I was here to police the situation.

Yes, it is a bug up my butt to be told I ALLOW him to smoke around the kids because I don't ALLOW him to smoke around the kids. I've been fighting from day one to get him to stop smoking around the kids. He just doesn't care. There is no doubt in my mind his smoking around the kids would go up if there were a joint custody arrangement. Hence, I'm going for the kids living with me and their father being banned from smoking around them.


Edited 10/9/2004 8:11 pm ET ET by grimalkinskeeper

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 8:08pm
And if I didn't have the misguided notion that a two parent household is good for kids, I would have been gone. I did what I thought was right at the time. I was wrong to ever have tried to work it out. Live and learn. Who knew that he simply didn't care enough about his kids to not smoke around them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 8:09pm
YES, WITH DAMNED GOOD REASON!!!! It's ok to do it because of logistics but not to limit kids exposure to smoke?????? What are you smoking???
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 8:12pm
Yes there is. I'm doing it for the benefit of my kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 8:34pm
no. you may believe that you're doing it for their physical benefit, but the FACT is that they will live on their own for FAR, FAR longer than the 18 years they would be living with you or him. And, there is no way you can claim that you've even taken their emotional health into consideration -- since you are trying to remove his presence and relationship with them.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 8:36pm
She isnt *doing* anything. They have come to an agreement with pretty equal time between them, in the best interest of the children. She wasnt ever lobbying to prevent him from accessing the children, as you are.

Again, if your ex agrees to not smoke around the girls, are you going to be able to deal with the idea of joint custody, or are you going to come up with ANOTHER reason to keep him away from them?

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 9:03pm
I'm not trying to remove him. I'm trying to get him to stop smoking around his kids. If he is removed, he will do it himself. And if he does, we'll deal with it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 9:16pm
This really helps understand your entire attitude about (and disdain for) SAH. If the only way you could get "power" in your relationship was by having a job (and earning your own money) than it makes perfect sense that you cannot understand that other people don't have such an arrangement as regards "power."

Did your entire relationship revolve around money--who had it, who didn't, who made it, who didn't, who was saving it, who wasn't, who wanted to spend it on private school (or a second set children altogether,) who didn't? It sounds as though money plays a huge part in all the problems you've had in your marriage through the years.

Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 9:32pm
You may have tried to stop it, but you DID allow it to go on for 9 years. It's just a tad odd to me that your panties are all in a bunch about it just now. Maybe it took this long to get everything in order so you could leave him?

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