Ladies...Enough Already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Ladies...Enough Already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
779
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 2:10pm
Can we please voluntarily end this thread from grlimilakinskeeper, or whatever her screen name is...it's getting too personal, and not very productive.

Kat

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 12:31pm
BTDT.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 12:32pm
Nope. I'm blunt but not angry. This is a debate board and my posting style is to cut to the chase.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 12:34pm
Nope. Leaving wouldn't have reduced exposure!!! If leaving wouldn't have reduced exposure, how is staying allowing it??? Try again.

If the custody plan backfires, my girls will be exposed to more smoke than they are now with the courts blessing. I'm counting on that not happening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 12:35pm
BINGO! A 50/50 arrangement isn't best for MY KIDS EITHER!!! Different reasons but not best by a long shot!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 12:43pm

"Nope. Leaving wouldn't have reduced exposure!!! If leaving wouldn't have reduced exposure, how is staying allowing it??? Try again. "


Leaving would not have reduced exposure? Hello? They would not be in the same house with him for 100 percent of the time. They would have been with him...50 percent or less of the time. Therefore, exposure would have been lessened.


Plus, doesn't cigarette smoke linger? So, physically he isn't the house but his smoke is. If you had left earlier, they would have been in a smoke free house at least 50 percent of the time.


Therefore, your argument that you actually saved your kids from smoke by staying with a smoker is....well, bogus.

"Hasty conclusions are the mark of a fool" Sign in front of a church


Kristi

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 12:44pm
except that the way in which you're going about it is that you're trying to do ANYTHING to put his visitation down to zero -- all the while TRYING to cast the blame back to him ("his fault for not stopping smoking) while refusing to acknowledge that YOU are the one who has put the situation at that point.

FWIW, most custody arrangements are probably NOT 50:50. However, those of us that value our children's time with the other parent do whatever we need to to MAXIMIZE the time that is available -- instead of working hard to yank all that time away.

That is a HUGE, HUGE difference.

eileen

Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 12:57pm
<>

So by SAH, you could have eliminated most of the smoke during those 1.5 hours in the AM. But, then, of course, you would have lost your "power." Hmmm, now I see what has been more important all these years...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 1:00pm

Are you asking for him to not smoke at all around the children or to limit his smoking to outdoors when with the children?


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 1:04pm
" Pre call to lawyer, I'm sure he was smoking around the kids during the hour and a half he was alone with them M-F but 90% of the smoking he did when I was home was done outside because I chased him outside. "

This is precisely why I find it very hard to take your views about your husband seriously....just the amount of smoking he is supposedly doing in the house has changed over time as your story has progressed and as you have tried to fight of the accusation having condoned the smoke around your kids by staying with him.

First you said (from 14287.479)

"I gave an EXAMPLE of why someone might not feel like having sex with someone. Namely the kind of disrespect STBX shows when he smokes around me and the kids in spite of having been asked a million times not to. Did it ever dawn on you that it started small and grew? The more I asked, the more it bothered me that he wouldn't take it outside."

Hardly a description of someone who did 90% of his smoking outside after being asked.

Later on when I directly asked you about how much your nagging helped to chase him out you responded (from 14287.610)

"Sometimes he did, sometimes he didn't, however, you'd think he'd get the message after 9 years. No matter what I brought home for him to read (our pediatrician gave me lots of literature on the effects of second hand smoke) and no matter who told him (his doctor told him not to smoke around the kids) he did what he wanted.

If I got right in his face, he'd usually take it outside after calling me a nag and a bitch or telling me I ought to be nicer to him, unless it was cold or raining then he'd tell me to shove it. Once I go to bed, he lights up. I'd end up coming downstairs and telling him to take it outside and he'd insist that the smoke stays right where he is and doesn't bother anyone else. He also thinks if you crack the window in the car, the smoke all goes outside. Our vacation this year was fun. Not once did he stop to get out of the car and smoke. He just lit up when he wanted to.

Even if he went out every time I nagged him how does that change anything? "

Again hardly the description of someone how ended up "taking it outside 90% of the time". You live in Michigan, right? It's cold and raining for a good 6 months out of the year so the 90% isn't even realistic from your own words. So what's the real story about the actual amount of smoking he did around you and the kids?

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 1:45pm
That's because the amount of smoking he's done in the house has changed over time. It also changes with the seasons. It's much easier to get him to go outside when it's warm. Winter is much harder.

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