Ladies...Enough Already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Ladies...Enough Already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
779
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 2:10pm
Can we please voluntarily end this thread from grlimilakinskeeper, or whatever her screen name is...it's getting too personal, and not very productive.

Kat

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 9:10pm
Have fun. Sorry dear but I've been through enough counselors and psychatrists to have a pretty good idea what they're good for and this ain't it. If my kids have problems, the'll get help. I just don't see what me paying big bux to someone to lead them into thinking things are awful is going to help. I've seen too many times when what the counselor/psychiatrist thought led the patient to believe it.

I'll give my girls the benefit of a doubt first and see how they handle things talking to mom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 9:12pm
Gee, why don't you give me the same credit for knowing my kids?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 9:12pm

Family therapists most certainly have 'gotten through school'. . .it's just a different TYPE of school.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 9:19pm

But your objections to the suggestion of counseling hasn't been based on your knowledge of your kids (at least not in this debate). . .it's been based on your distrust of therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists. . .your lack of knowledge about the mental health field. . .and your past experiences-- probably 10+ years ago.


If you say that in your view, your kids wouldn't do well in counseling due to their temperament (and then explained what you meant by that), then I could respect that.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 9:25pm
I think kids are better off in a two parent household. My issues with my parents divorce actually have nothing to do with the divorce itself. They have to do with the way I was treated by others because my parents were divorced. Within my family, it would never have dawned on me to think divorce was wrong, as it was not something us kids were really made aware of, but not being able to play with the other girls on the street and not being allowed to go through confirmation because my mom was divorced and the other parents didn't want me around their children did have an impact. A HUGE IMPACT. It doesn't take much for me to feel the little girl who sat crying at recess because none of the other kids were allowed to play with her. I didn't understand. I still don't.

All of that came as a shock to me as we moved when I was 5 and I don't recall anyone ever treating me differently before the move. I remember we were poor and doing without but I don't remember anyone being mean until we moved. I didn't know what to think of any of this.

My parents divorce was really just a fact of life for me. I knew dad was sick and I knew he could be scary sometimes. I knew my parents didn't live together. I was too ego centric to give it much thought beyond that until I found myself unable to play with the other kids because my mother was a divorcee (a divorcee with an illigitmate child none the less).

I admit I often wished my step father were my father. I really do love him but it had more to do with the fact that his daughters weren't made fun of like I was and they could play with whoever they wanted. At least it seemed that way to me. I grew up feeling that his children were treated totally different from my brother and I, which is why I'm REALLY against remarriage. My kids won't be step kids. At least not by my doing.

I have bad feelings about the divorce but they stem from the times in which my mother was divorced and the stigma that was attached to my brother and I not from the divorce itself. I didn't know the reasons for the divorce until I was much older and then only because a shrink thought I should be told that my father beat my mother to a bloody pulp. Gee, that helped, lol.

I don't like divorce because I didn't like the way I was treated as a child of divorce.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 9:27pm
LOL, No one would have mistaken dh for mature back then. Why do you think he was dating a 19 year old??? While I admit I was mature for my age, I wasn't 31 years mature but neither was he. Trouble is, I kept maturing. I think he was done.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 9:30pm
If my kids are going into therapy, it will be with a psychiatrist. I would expect any mental health professional my kids needed to have as much education as their doctor. Actually, I'd like more. A bad therapist can really screw you up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 9:31pm
Same here. I talked to friends, family and the odd teacher or two. Friends mostly though. They were on my level.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 10:50pm
You have sure had some odd life experiences. Its no wonder you think the way you do, from being ostracized on the playground because your mother was divorced to being shunned by sahms in the park because you are an engineer....

My parents divorced when I was 4. I never heard of anyone being treated badly because their parents were divorced, most of my friends were children of divorce. I dont know of any of them being treated badly by others because their parents divorced. And I am only what, 4-5 years younger than you? Thats quite odd, that divorce in your demographic was considered so highly unusual that parents actually *prevented* their children from playing with you. Just doesnt seem to add up somehow, and sounds strikingly like the story of the sahms in the park...

Like I said, issues, lots of them. And a very very skewed view. The more info you provide about your personal life, the more those issues come to light.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 11:07pm
considering that you dont even know the difference between a psychiatrist, psychologist or family counselor, dont comprehend the differences in schooling, and think that anything less than a psychiatrist is just someone who *couldnt get through school*, I wouldnt say you are very informed OR experienced in any of this. Which makes you not the best choice as a *counselor* to your dds.

It suprises me that a supposedly educated person could have such a narrow view.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

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