Learned something about kids in public

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Learned something about kids in public
1020
Sat, 08-09-2003 - 1:22am
So, DH and I spent 6 days alone on vacation this week. I guess from recent discussions, these things kind of jumped out at me, but I learned a little something about kids in public on this vacation.

To refresh your memory, I take my kids pretty much everywhere with me. I have no issues with taking them to the doctor with me, out to nice restaurants with me, to weddings, funerals, etc. Anytime we have "dinner parties", children are included. Children are a HUGE part of our lives and we just include them in most everything.

Over the coarse of the weekend, I witnessed several things that made me think of these recent discussions here.

1) First night away, we stop for dinner in a really nice steak restaurant. We are seated next to a table of 6 people, two children and 4 adults. The kids are about 3 and 5. Thank GOD they were finishing their meals as we came into the restaurant, but the kids were HORRIBLE. The younger one got up and actually ran across the room! So, mom picks him up, saying nothing to him, and sits down, with him in her lap. All the while he is SCREAMING (as only a 3 year old can) this squealing "wanna gooooooo" "wanna gooooooo". So, mom wraps one arm around him, including his arms, so he CANNOT move, and he continues to squeal, so mom puts a hand over his mouth. the ENTIRE time, she NEVER says a WORD to him. They ALL ignored these two kids the entire time we were there, which was about 40 minutes. It is no WONDER the kids were miserable and misbehaving in the restaurant!!! It wasn't the kids, it was the ADULTS not parenting, and not paying ANY attention to the kids!

2) ONe of the mornings we were gone (don't remember which), we went to a Cracker Barral for "brunch". The restaurant was broken into three "areas" within one large room. We were in the center "area", and in the middle of eating when two boys start RUNNING through the (pretty crowded) restaurant, from their "area", around the partition separating our area from theirs, through our area, in a circular pattern. These kids were like 6 and 8! And the parents LET THEM!!! It was INSANE!

3) We were at Sea World this week, and it was HOT HOT HOT out! WE were hot, and we spent most of our time in the water and/or shade. We had taken a seat on a bench, in the shade to rest a little and eat some ice cream, and here comes a lady (about 3pm) with her 4 year old (approximately) in a stroller (fine, no problem with this), and a baby who couldn't have been even 2 months old in her arms. The babys face was RED, he was SCREAMING. The baby was obviously hot and tired, and he did NOT need to be out in that. Now, this was a kids place, but not for an infant, not in those temps. The baby was reacting to the heat the way he knew how...the mother was just an IDIOT for having him out there!

So, my point in this...I'm still working on it. ;-P

My kids have been in all kinds of public situations like these (excluding the baby in the HEAT). They behave in doctors offices and restaurants and stores, at weddings and funerals, etc because they are EXPECTED to, they have been taught to, and because we include them in whatever the "event" is.

While we were gone, my girlfriend went in to the military immunization clinic to get a tetnus (how DO you spell that) shot for her and her oldest daughter, and took all 6 kids 2 mine, 4 hers). They had to wait over 45 minutes, and all 6 kids sat quietly and never moved, because they have been taught, from day one, how to behave in public. My girlfriend had each of them take a book with them to look at/read while there, and there was no problems (never is).

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I can understand the frustrations people have with children in public who are just not taught to mind and/or are in a position where they are forced to act out. Even the most formal occasions can be made child-friendly by the parents/adults. But many parents don't seem to want to discipline their kids or teach their kids or deal with it. I don't understand it myself...any thoughts?

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

Pages

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 9:35pm
You know, a girl just can't win. Funny how I get blasted all the time for being sarcastic when I'm not being sarcastic, and when I *am* being sarcastic...
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 9:38pm
Goody for you. The AC in my car takes about 20 minutes to cool the temp. (And not to be picky, but you live close to where I live, not where I live...and where most other people in this thread live, we'd be at least a state apart)
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 9:59pm
Nah, you've just agreed with posters who have.
Avatar for karenester
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 10:41pm
I think she meant me (elizabeth) not you. And even though I only have a small number of "babysitters," I think our needs are covered, too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 10:50pm
I agree with this statement "I do not go out to eat (or anywhere else) with the expectation of making it an enjoyable occasion for others". But I don't think nayone here is saying you should make their occasion enjoyable. But you also shouldn't make their occasion UNenjoyable. While you're not responsible for making their evening nice, you could easily be responsible for making it a total waste of time and money.

<>

So do the other patrons. and if your child prevents them from having a good time, its *your* duty to fix the situation. NOw, I admit, some people explode the situation so that they, in effect, contribute to their own unenjoyment. But I've seen plenty of times when a person can't even hear the person seated with them due to other discourteous patrons. And that's wrong.

<>

I can't speak for others, but I DO expect it. I've complained as much in my life about discourteous adult patrons as I have discourteous children. And actually, I thin I CAN speak for others, else there wouldn't be an uproar about cell phones in restaurants.

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 4:11am
My best friend from high school was supposed to attend my wedding. I'd picked a bridesmaids dress for her, etc. She called about 3 weeks before and said she couldnt come because she wasnt able to get the money together for a plane ticket. Was I disappointed? Sure I was! Did I throw it in her face that I was in HER wedding d@mnit and she better come to mine??? No way. We are even still friends!

One of my very best friends is often out of town for various events in our lives. She travels a lot and refuses to plan her life around our children's birthdays and such. She was out of town when my ds was born, she missed another friends dd's 1st birthday, etc etc etc. Amazingly she still happens to be one of my dearest friends!!

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

Avatar for bobcatkathi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 5:18am
No I din't say that spanking taught a fear of God. I said fear of God was a good thing and it was something I wanted my children to have. I talked about them both in the same post but they weren't the same thing. Sorry if I jumbled the issues. They are separate issues. I was using fear of God as an example of how fear isn't always a bad things. I personally am fearful of rattlesnakes. That is a real threat where I live.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 7:36am
I believe the term is actually, *bridezilla.*

Married here, stepping in to back you up. My wedding (though it probably doesn't count as being a REAL one, lol) was not about testing relationships with anyone at all beyond the relationship between dh and I. It was the day we publicly announced our commitment. Our best friends were there, but had they not have made it, *shrug.*

Too bad friendships are so very frail that life's circumstances are not good enough to get in the way!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 8:12am
What are you babbling about? Why would the "provider" be invited to the wedding? In the case of the sitter i used on my friend's mom's recommendation, she was the housekeeper of her good friend, who had been with the family for years and cared for the friends children when they were young. She lived with the friend's family, and stayed with them at their house on Nantucket as well as their permanent home. Why would my good friend's mother's good friend's housekeeper be invited to her wedding?

And no, no one established that a bride should invite her friend's, relative's or mom's friend's babysitters to her wedding, maybe you're the only one who established that. While the housekeeper was totally unknown to me, she was not unknown to my friends mom, she has known her for the 35 years she has been with her friend's family, and has seen her have a big hand in raising her friend's children. I trust my friend's mom, I didn't have to meet the sitter beforehand or do a background check, I'm not that paranoid.

Whatever, I guess she would in your hypothetical wedding, but I don't see it.

Edited 8/14/2003 8:15:33 AM ET by islimshady


Edited 8/14/2003 8:38:46 AM ET by islimshady

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 8:19am
You went through that type of process to leave your son with someone for a few hours? We aren't talking full-time daycare here. There's a name for that - it's called paranoia.

Pages