Learned something about kids in public

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Learned something about kids in public
1020
Sat, 08-09-2003 - 1:22am
So, DH and I spent 6 days alone on vacation this week. I guess from recent discussions, these things kind of jumped out at me, but I learned a little something about kids in public on this vacation.

To refresh your memory, I take my kids pretty much everywhere with me. I have no issues with taking them to the doctor with me, out to nice restaurants with me, to weddings, funerals, etc. Anytime we have "dinner parties", children are included. Children are a HUGE part of our lives and we just include them in most everything.

Over the coarse of the weekend, I witnessed several things that made me think of these recent discussions here.

1) First night away, we stop for dinner in a really nice steak restaurant. We are seated next to a table of 6 people, two children and 4 adults. The kids are about 3 and 5. Thank GOD they were finishing their meals as we came into the restaurant, but the kids were HORRIBLE. The younger one got up and actually ran across the room! So, mom picks him up, saying nothing to him, and sits down, with him in her lap. All the while he is SCREAMING (as only a 3 year old can) this squealing "wanna gooooooo" "wanna gooooooo". So, mom wraps one arm around him, including his arms, so he CANNOT move, and he continues to squeal, so mom puts a hand over his mouth. the ENTIRE time, she NEVER says a WORD to him. They ALL ignored these two kids the entire time we were there, which was about 40 minutes. It is no WONDER the kids were miserable and misbehaving in the restaurant!!! It wasn't the kids, it was the ADULTS not parenting, and not paying ANY attention to the kids!

2) ONe of the mornings we were gone (don't remember which), we went to a Cracker Barral for "brunch". The restaurant was broken into three "areas" within one large room. We were in the center "area", and in the middle of eating when two boys start RUNNING through the (pretty crowded) restaurant, from their "area", around the partition separating our area from theirs, through our area, in a circular pattern. These kids were like 6 and 8! And the parents LET THEM!!! It was INSANE!

3) We were at Sea World this week, and it was HOT HOT HOT out! WE were hot, and we spent most of our time in the water and/or shade. We had taken a seat on a bench, in the shade to rest a little and eat some ice cream, and here comes a lady (about 3pm) with her 4 year old (approximately) in a stroller (fine, no problem with this), and a baby who couldn't have been even 2 months old in her arms. The babys face was RED, he was SCREAMING. The baby was obviously hot and tired, and he did NOT need to be out in that. Now, this was a kids place, but not for an infant, not in those temps. The baby was reacting to the heat the way he knew how...the mother was just an IDIOT for having him out there!

So, my point in this...I'm still working on it. ;-P

My kids have been in all kinds of public situations like these (excluding the baby in the HEAT). They behave in doctors offices and restaurants and stores, at weddings and funerals, etc because they are EXPECTED to, they have been taught to, and because we include them in whatever the "event" is.

While we were gone, my girlfriend went in to the military immunization clinic to get a tetnus (how DO you spell that) shot for her and her oldest daughter, and took all 6 kids 2 mine, 4 hers). They had to wait over 45 minutes, and all 6 kids sat quietly and never moved, because they have been taught, from day one, how to behave in public. My girlfriend had each of them take a book with them to look at/read while there, and there was no problems (never is).

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I can understand the frustrations people have with children in public who are just not taught to mind and/or are in a position where they are forced to act out. Even the most formal occasions can be made child-friendly by the parents/adults. But many parents don't seem to want to discipline their kids or teach their kids or deal with it. I don't understand it myself...any thoughts?

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 8:25am
I have enough insight to know that you are a very, very, very angry person. Even someone with no grasp of human nature can see that.

Cheer up, life's too short.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 8:32am
Apparently you can't see much of anything, since, once again, you've totally misinterpreted my statements. Why don't you not bother even responding to them, since it's oh so tiresome to set you straight?

One last time, declining a wedding invitation isn't being a martyr, not using any babysitters except for family or not leaving your child for more than a few hours, even with your husband, is being a martyr, IMO.

Now if you want to rebut THAT, be my guest.


Edited 8/14/2003 8:33:29 AM ET by islimshady

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 9:53am
Just a general kind of post...

Since I had opened my big mouth about available babysitters yesterday and then the situation with Duke came up, I thought I would share what happened. I put DH on the church prayer list which is like hiring a town crier to spread the news. By the time I got home yesterday, there were already three messages on my answering machine offering to take the kids and telling me we were in their prayers. It was really sweet and made me kinda of weepy.

I asked Zak where he wanted to spend the night and he wanted a teenager who babysits him sometimes to come over. I was really suprised because I had given him several options-a retired person that takes him to McDonalds, a childless person with a cool dog and some other friends of the family. He chose the teenager. I called her mother last night to ask if it would too much for her and she thought it would be fine. So cool. He will get to stay at home and he really loves the teenager.

Alex is going to stay with my childless friend with the cool dog. DH is worried that she will hate us when we come back and never have children after keeping Alex. They are really excited, though. Alex took right to them and lets Jeff (my friend's DH) pick him up and play with him. Quite shocking-he doesn't even scream bloody murder when I leave him with them.

There really is no point-just that I have awesome friends here on the board and in my "real" life. I am very fortunate. Also, sometimes the person that seems like the most unlikely babysitter can be the best one. I was surprised Zak picked the teenager but she can handle it. It is one night.

Kristi

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 9:57am
I'd say my former friend's DH or other trusted friend would have been a satisfactory sitter for the short duration of my ceremony. It may very well have been a made up excuse, but if she really couldn't leave her two girls with her DH, she might as well hang it up (it being a life of her own).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 10:00am
I am bitter about my former friend hiding behind her children, as a real or made up excuse not to attend my wedding. Otherwise? Nothing.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 10:01am
I'm sorry, I don't know the antecedent post to which this post refers.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 10:02am
Right. Sure. It's easier for her to act in a way that ended the long friendship, without giving an adequate explanation. But you're right, it was no one's problem but hers and mine.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 10:03am
Yes. Not the baby, but the birth? Yes.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 10:14am
Hmmm, interesting. I found the births of both of my children to be equally special and exciting (and very very different from each other).

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 10:15am
Ok, let me try this again.

It may have been just one day, but it was indicative of her attitude about the importance of me/other friends vis a vis her family. She once told me,"I can't get together at night and on weekends - that's the only time I see my DH." When I pointed out to her that since I WOH FT, my ONLY free time was nights and weekends, she had no response. We were just miles apart in our lifestyle philosophies, and the wedding was just the final straw.

I did not say your second marriage was less important. What I said was the second wedding is less special. After all, you had already promised to love, honor, cherish, etc. til death do you part. The groom and the marital relationship can be very special, but I just don't see how a repeat of the ceremony surrounding it can be as special. No matter how "justified" the end of a marriage - a spouse dying - it still doesn't make the second marriage as special.

Why is that naive?

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