Learned something about kids in public

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Learned something about kids in public
1020
Sat, 08-09-2003 - 1:22am
So, DH and I spent 6 days alone on vacation this week. I guess from recent discussions, these things kind of jumped out at me, but I learned a little something about kids in public on this vacation.

To refresh your memory, I take my kids pretty much everywhere with me. I have no issues with taking them to the doctor with me, out to nice restaurants with me, to weddings, funerals, etc. Anytime we have "dinner parties", children are included. Children are a HUGE part of our lives and we just include them in most everything.

Over the coarse of the weekend, I witnessed several things that made me think of these recent discussions here.

1) First night away, we stop for dinner in a really nice steak restaurant. We are seated next to a table of 6 people, two children and 4 adults. The kids are about 3 and 5. Thank GOD they were finishing their meals as we came into the restaurant, but the kids were HORRIBLE. The younger one got up and actually ran across the room! So, mom picks him up, saying nothing to him, and sits down, with him in her lap. All the while he is SCREAMING (as only a 3 year old can) this squealing "wanna gooooooo" "wanna gooooooo". So, mom wraps one arm around him, including his arms, so he CANNOT move, and he continues to squeal, so mom puts a hand over his mouth. the ENTIRE time, she NEVER says a WORD to him. They ALL ignored these two kids the entire time we were there, which was about 40 minutes. It is no WONDER the kids were miserable and misbehaving in the restaurant!!! It wasn't the kids, it was the ADULTS not parenting, and not paying ANY attention to the kids!

2) ONe of the mornings we were gone (don't remember which), we went to a Cracker Barral for "brunch". The restaurant was broken into three "areas" within one large room. We were in the center "area", and in the middle of eating when two boys start RUNNING through the (pretty crowded) restaurant, from their "area", around the partition separating our area from theirs, through our area, in a circular pattern. These kids were like 6 and 8! And the parents LET THEM!!! It was INSANE!

3) We were at Sea World this week, and it was HOT HOT HOT out! WE were hot, and we spent most of our time in the water and/or shade. We had taken a seat on a bench, in the shade to rest a little and eat some ice cream, and here comes a lady (about 3pm) with her 4 year old (approximately) in a stroller (fine, no problem with this), and a baby who couldn't have been even 2 months old in her arms. The babys face was RED, he was SCREAMING. The baby was obviously hot and tired, and he did NOT need to be out in that. Now, this was a kids place, but not for an infant, not in those temps. The baby was reacting to the heat the way he knew how...the mother was just an IDIOT for having him out there!

So, my point in this...I'm still working on it. ;-P

My kids have been in all kinds of public situations like these (excluding the baby in the HEAT). They behave in doctors offices and restaurants and stores, at weddings and funerals, etc because they are EXPECTED to, they have been taught to, and because we include them in whatever the "event" is.

While we were gone, my girlfriend went in to the military immunization clinic to get a tetnus (how DO you spell that) shot for her and her oldest daughter, and took all 6 kids 2 mine, 4 hers). They had to wait over 45 minutes, and all 6 kids sat quietly and never moved, because they have been taught, from day one, how to behave in public. My girlfriend had each of them take a book with them to look at/read while there, and there was no problems (never is).

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I can understand the frustrations people have with children in public who are just not taught to mind and/or are in a position where they are forced to act out. Even the most formal occasions can be made child-friendly by the parents/adults. But many parents don't seem to want to discipline their kids or teach their kids or deal with it. I don't understand it myself...any thoughts?

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 11:17am
So you act exactly the same way in front of your children that you do when you're at a professional function?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 11:20am
As I said in my orginal post, I will listen if there is a valid reason for disliking the babysitter. My little guy is pretty savvy. If he were given the final stamp of approval for his babysitter, he would pick the one that let him do whatever he wanted. I am not going to let that happen.

If I listened to my child and let him do what he wanted, he would have a gamecube, a nintendo set, various pets and he would not have a little brother. There is a reason I am the parent and he is the child. I am responible for his well-being and sometimes that means doing things he does not like. Oh well.

With that said, if he burst into tears when I told him I had a certain babysitter, I would cancel. I am not going to make him miserable but nor is he king of his world. He would like to be and I have to remind him sometimes that we are not in a democracy. We are in a benevolent dictactorship. He may be in therapy for it later but right now, we-his parents-decide his bedtime, his schooling and his schedule. We listen to his input and then decide.

He does not think he needs swimming lessons right now. He can swim, he says. Well, he can dog paddle. I don't want him to drown so he is taking swim lessons. He might cry and fuss but he is learning to swim. He has no choice in it. He might be miserable but too bad. Plus, it will give him something to talk about in therapy sessions.

Kristi

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

Avatar for karenester
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 11:21am
It is hypocritcal to go to chippendales and then to church the next morning, if your church is one that find chippendales immoral and you are going to pretend you haven't been there.

It is hypocritcal to sign an affidavit swearing you have never used drugs, when in fact you have, and then give lectures on morality.

It is hypocritical to engage in premarital sex yourself, and then tsk, tsk at a pregnant bride or a bride with a child or an unwed mother.

Your examples may be things you don't want to discuss in front of your children, depending on the circumstances. Mine know about my abusive alcoholic grandfather. And they know about the jerks at my old firm. It leads to great discussions on morality, on priorities, on loving and forgiveness.

If you are only keeping things from your kids because you think appearances are more important than reality, then I do strongly disagree with your motive. Now, if your particular child doesn't have the maturity to address a given situation, that is one thing. But I wouldn't lie to them just to pretend one is something one is not.

Avatar for karenester
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 11:24am
Huh? She was suggesting that her desire to have her friend present was more important than her friend's judgment in terms of childcare. She thought she and her desires were more important than what her friend has told her are her friend's needs. And she also finds her desires moreimportant than her friend's sitter's time and schedule.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 11:31am
ITA. I like your word "testing." I see friendship as a gift, not as something I can go around demanding from people. The only person who owes me the kind of fealty the bridezillas are talking about here is my DH -- I'm simply not owed that kind of excuses and expense and loyalty oaths and time from my friends.
Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
Avatar for karenester
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 11:32am
So, in fact, you do listen to your child, and weigh his opinion. We probably actually agree pretty much on this.

My two year old would eat candy from morning till night if I let him. This doesn't mean that I give him no voice in what he eats. It just means that he cannot forgo dinner for candy. He can forgo the stuffing fro dinner and have rice instead, as he doesn't like stuffing. There is a difference. I do allow him a voice, just not total control.

My six year old hates dairy. He will not touch milk or cheese at all. I could "force" him to drink it, as I am mom, but i don't. He gets calcium through other means. I allow him to express his likes and dislikes, and I listen to his reasons. He doesn't get Pepsi in place of milk, mind you. He prefers to drink water.

That is what I mean about allowing your child a voice.

My way may not always be the best way, so I am open to hear their ideas, and if it is safe and harmless, they may have their way. I am not automatically right just because I am mom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 11:33am
So take it up with your former friend. It might help you to stop going after what you perceive as other people's weaknesses like some kind of a bulldog.
Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 11:34am
LOL Thank you for that classic demonstration of my point. As I said, you've never ever shown the slightest talent for insight.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 11:35am
That friendship was doomed the minute you started counting up the hours and dollars you spent to attend her wedding day. You were, and are, quite clearly resentful that she had a special day for herself. Nice friend.
Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 11:36am
I'm starting to feel surprised that you had anyone attend your wedding at all. LOL.
Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.

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