Learned something about kids in public

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Learned something about kids in public
1020
Sat, 08-09-2003 - 1:22am
So, DH and I spent 6 days alone on vacation this week. I guess from recent discussions, these things kind of jumped out at me, but I learned a little something about kids in public on this vacation.

To refresh your memory, I take my kids pretty much everywhere with me. I have no issues with taking them to the doctor with me, out to nice restaurants with me, to weddings, funerals, etc. Anytime we have "dinner parties", children are included. Children are a HUGE part of our lives and we just include them in most everything.

Over the coarse of the weekend, I witnessed several things that made me think of these recent discussions here.

1) First night away, we stop for dinner in a really nice steak restaurant. We are seated next to a table of 6 people, two children and 4 adults. The kids are about 3 and 5. Thank GOD they were finishing their meals as we came into the restaurant, but the kids were HORRIBLE. The younger one got up and actually ran across the room! So, mom picks him up, saying nothing to him, and sits down, with him in her lap. All the while he is SCREAMING (as only a 3 year old can) this squealing "wanna gooooooo" "wanna gooooooo". So, mom wraps one arm around him, including his arms, so he CANNOT move, and he continues to squeal, so mom puts a hand over his mouth. the ENTIRE time, she NEVER says a WORD to him. They ALL ignored these two kids the entire time we were there, which was about 40 minutes. It is no WONDER the kids were miserable and misbehaving in the restaurant!!! It wasn't the kids, it was the ADULTS not parenting, and not paying ANY attention to the kids!

2) ONe of the mornings we were gone (don't remember which), we went to a Cracker Barral for "brunch". The restaurant was broken into three "areas" within one large room. We were in the center "area", and in the middle of eating when two boys start RUNNING through the (pretty crowded) restaurant, from their "area", around the partition separating our area from theirs, through our area, in a circular pattern. These kids were like 6 and 8! And the parents LET THEM!!! It was INSANE!

3) We were at Sea World this week, and it was HOT HOT HOT out! WE were hot, and we spent most of our time in the water and/or shade. We had taken a seat on a bench, in the shade to rest a little and eat some ice cream, and here comes a lady (about 3pm) with her 4 year old (approximately) in a stroller (fine, no problem with this), and a baby who couldn't have been even 2 months old in her arms. The babys face was RED, he was SCREAMING. The baby was obviously hot and tired, and he did NOT need to be out in that. Now, this was a kids place, but not for an infant, not in those temps. The baby was reacting to the heat the way he knew how...the mother was just an IDIOT for having him out there!

So, my point in this...I'm still working on it. ;-P

My kids have been in all kinds of public situations like these (excluding the baby in the HEAT). They behave in doctors offices and restaurants and stores, at weddings and funerals, etc because they are EXPECTED to, they have been taught to, and because we include them in whatever the "event" is.

While we were gone, my girlfriend went in to the military immunization clinic to get a tetnus (how DO you spell that) shot for her and her oldest daughter, and took all 6 kids 2 mine, 4 hers). They had to wait over 45 minutes, and all 6 kids sat quietly and never moved, because they have been taught, from day one, how to behave in public. My girlfriend had each of them take a book with them to look at/read while there, and there was no problems (never is).

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I can understand the frustrations people have with children in public who are just not taught to mind and/or are in a position where they are forced to act out. Even the most formal occasions can be made child-friendly by the parents/adults. But many parents don't seem to want to discipline their kids or teach their kids or deal with it. I don't understand it myself...any thoughts?

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 11:38am
You're right, my almost 4 year old and 22 month old do not have anywhere near the maturity to understand these things. And frankly, I want them to love their grandfather, even if I know the myriad ways in which he's a total jerk. If that's hypocritical, so be it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 11:39am
Oh, yes. I chuck my clients under the chin, give them raspberries on their cute little bellies, and pretend I'm the Tickle Monster during meetings. LOL. Your question has absolutely nothing to do with my post. There's a difference between knowing how to behave appropriately for a given situation and the nasty hypocrisy you display every day on this board.
Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 11:40am
Yep, we agree. We just needed more posts to figure it out...

KG

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 11:40am
Well, that's where we differ. My friends and I owe each other fealty (and lots of it) and I wouldn't have it any other way.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 11:42am
Yet you have no hesitation going after my weaknesses (and I admit them....)

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Avatar for tickmich
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 11:43am
That is just plain rude.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 11:44am
No, I'm resentful that being a bride was very important when she got married, but by golly, by the time I got married, being a mom was now the most important thing. Coinciding with HER stage in life.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 11:44am
Yes, and in the scenario she described, she automatically assumed that *she* could get the sitters to say "yes" when they'd already said "no" to their actual clients. Believing that one's friends are so weak and pathetic that they can't even convince their own babysitters to sit for a night is hardly the mark of a good friend. It's the hallmark of someone with a personality disorder. Really.

There's very little difference here between suzy's example (not suzy herself, mind you) and the stalker who believes that the woman who turned him down for a date doesn't *really* want to turn him down. She just has a job that gets in the way. So he shows up at her work to talk to her boss. She just has to walk that darned dog every night. So he takes the dog. She just has to organize her sock drawer. So he breaks in and organizes it for her. People who don't take "no" for an answer, who don't believe anyone has the *right* to turn them down, are disordered in their relationships with other people. It's not what friendship is all about, in my opinion.

Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 11:45am
Are you just going to follow my posts up with a negative every time? I know you don't like me or my posts. Why waste the effort?

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Avatar for tickmich
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 11:45am
I think this particular "debate" has just morphed into a let's gang up on pjm game.

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