Leaving Your Kids Overnight

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Leaving Your Kids Overnight
65
Wed, 05-07-2008 - 3:13pm
with relatives (or any other close person in your life). I'm really curious to see if there is a difference in SAHM vs. WOHM. This came up on one of the playgroups on here I lurk on. Someone asked what's the longest you've been away from your kids. Now, granted our babies are still rather young (17 months old) but IMO, it doesn't really make a difference. Needless to say I was shocked at the replies. The majority does not leave their kids with ANYONE overnight or more than a few hours. I got a sense from the thread that it

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Thu, 05-08-2008 - 1:20pm

Some of this may be a "helicopter" parent issue, and some could be due to lack of a good support network. When we first moved back to Massachusetts, we didn't know anyone in this town, so it took a while to get to know people that we could trust to take care of our kids. When DH and I went on a (company-paid!) cruise, we flew my parents out from Seattle to care for them. Now, however, there are several families I would trust to care for them, and my ILS have moved here as well.


What I look for in overnight care has changed, however. When kids are little, you want someone to keep them safe, feed and help them with basic needs. When they're older, you want someone who agrees with or at least agrees to respect the order and structure of your household. For example, I know my DD needs a lot of quiet time, so I would prefer not to send her to a family that always has the TV on, even if they're trustworthy people. Having things be as normal as possible is especially important when the parents are away.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Thu, 05-08-2008 - 2:18pm
Yup, that is what I have seen when I investigated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Thu, 05-08-2008 - 3:15pm

"Some of this may be a "helicopter" parent issue"


what does that mean??!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2008
Thu, 05-08-2008 - 3:56pm
We left our children with my mom and sister for 9 days when we went on our cruise.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Thu, 05-08-2008 - 4:23pm
are you taking them on your next cruise?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Thu, 05-08-2008 - 6:55pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2008
Thu, 05-08-2008 - 7:05pm

We have plenty of time with just the two of us after our daughter goes to sleep!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Thu, 05-08-2008 - 9:41pm

I don't know who coined the phrase, but "helicopter" parents are those parents who cannot ever let their children go, even when it is appropriate to do so. When the children are small, they micromanage every detail, accompany them on playdates well past the age when parents normally do so, and do things like chart their diets religiously. When the kids are school age, they're always in the faces of their children's teachers and coaches, trying to "arrange" things for their children's advantage. These same parents hang on even when the kids go off to college. Instead of letting them handle their own problems, they actually intervene, phoning the dean or professors to resolve things for their children.


I suspect that this type of parent would also have a hard time letting their children stay overnight with other caregivers, even those in their own family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Fri, 05-09-2008 - 5:50am

count this wohm as one who LOVES to travel sans kids when possible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Fri, 05-09-2008 - 8:27am

Simply living near family doesn't necessarily mean that your family is going to be willing to take that responsibility.

To go back to your original question, I don't think work status has anything to do with it. I've been both a WOHM and a SAHM. While a WOHM, the first time I left my dd overnight w/o dh or me was when she was a year old. She stayed with my parents for a few nights while we went OOT with a few other couples. While my parents would have been willing to take her over night more often, we just didn't feel the desire. DH traveled extensively at the time so when he was home, he didn't feel like leaving our dd to go away alone with me (which was fine). When I was giving birth to ds, my childcare provider kept dd overnight. My parents could have done it, but she was already at my provider's home. She had three older kids of her own who adored my dd and they had a great time playing with her that night. I'm not sure why it would be a problem to leave a trusted babysitter to care for a child overnight though - if you trust that person to care for your child during the day, why would ONLY leave your child with your family members?

The longest dh and I have ever left our children was for four nights when we went on a vacation shortly before our third child was born. We left our two kids in the care of first MIL, then my parents.

Going away for a long trip now would be logistically very difficult. We have four kids ages 3 to 9, so finding care for them for more than a night or two wouldn't be easy. They are involved in too many activities so trying to shuttle them around would be crazy for someone elsel I don't feel comfortable placing that burden on any of our family members. Instead, dh and I settle for a a night or two away and that's enough for us. When the kids are a little older and more independent, it will be easier for family members or even a paid caregiver to watch them for longer periods of time.

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