Let's be honest.....
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|Thu, 04-03-2003 - 10:22pm|
I overheard two women talking today. Both with newborns. They were, ironically, discussing returning to work. (I'm presuming they were co-workers)
One declared with a flip of her hair "Well THIS is MY career for the next 18 years."
Please don't misunderstand me. If someone wants to be a SAHM, then that's fine. But to me, the underlying *tone* with this attitude, is that it will pay off, in the end. That at the end of the 18 years, they will have a tangible "reward" of sorts. Will they? Oh, they will have memories, and so will the kids, but is it a guarantee? Is there any guarantee? I will go on record as saying I believe the answer is "no".
Most of the "militant" SAHM's that post here, will also say they have no guarantees, and aren't looking for guarantees. They are living for the here and now. I also wonder how much of this is the very newness of motherhood speaking. NOT the reality of wanting to be seperated from a bratty toddler. :O) And I also can appreciate, the very valid reasons for wanting to SAH. Abhorent DC experiences is, at least, imo, a very valid reason. The girl I work with, who is shelling out 50.00 a day for DC is a very valid reason to SAH.
I will be honest, and say when I SAH for the first few years of my kids lives, I did expect more. I expected to see the benefits. Oh, with the first one, I walked around with a puffed out chest. My second one, was reality. Although, she is a darling now, and outshines her sister in many areas.
Now that they are older (13, 11 and 6) for the newbies. Life is so much easier. Work is work, and home is home. I go to school functions, and don't waste time worrying if mine is smarter, or more well behaved than the others. That doesn't mean, I don't care. It means that life is much easier. I no longer worry when they are away from me. I know they are polite well behaved children. I know our values are with them. Am I ditching my motherhood? Not at all. I've shut one door, and opened another. Behind door number 2, are the kids who NEED all that we can afford. And, I'm willing to work for it. Doing these things on one income, would really dampen our lifestyle. (The ole' take-out pizza once a week, lol!)
I also would like to go on record as saying that there are posters here, who just say, "you know what? I WANT to be with my child." What is wrong with that? Why must we hide, or justify the fact that we are doing something for US? Just as, why should we be ashamed to say, "I want to WORK to get a break from my child?"
Can anyone, besides me, weigh both decisions, and the result of that decision, and honestly see the difference in a child? I can't. 2 were in DC, one wasn't. And there is absolutely no difference in how they think, act, or relate to me.
I missed a lot of firsts. I have YET to shed a tear over missing them. I've volleyed back and forth, between whatever worked for my family at that given moment. If I needed to work, I work. If it was 'ok' to SAH, I did. It's never been a one size fits all argument for me.
So, my question is. How can one say HOW they will feel about this issue in 2, 3 or 5 years? Can you honestly say that? Will you SAH or return to work simply out of a belief? I can HONESTLY say, I felt 'betrayed' when after SAH for most of Donny's younger years, he hoppped on that bus for the first day of Kindergarten, and without so much as a backward glance, waved "BYE MOM!".
What is the end product you expect of your decision? What do you want to see? What are your hopes? And do you BELIEVE your decision is a guarantee?