Let's get honest with each other........

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Let's get honest with each other........
Fri, 06-20-2003 - 2:02pm
We all know where we disagree with each other at this board, but what do you agree with that someone on the other side of the fence in this SAH/WOH debate has said, or something you see as a positive in their choice?

Try to come up with one thing about WOH that you admit is probably true (if you are SAH).

Try to come up with one thing about SAH that you admit is probably true (if you are WOH).

Let's try not to follow what we say with all the exceptions to it. Just be honest and admit if there is something from the opposite side you agree with. If you can't think of anything, then I guess this thread isn't for you.

For me, I admit that hour for hour, I don't do as much actual, measureable work as my husband does and that my work as a SAHM is more leisurely than his job. I admit that if something happened to him that he couldn't work, I would be hard pressed to be able to go out and earn the same income he did, having been out of the work force for so long.

I admit that I personally benefit from some women who WOH, my ob/gyn for example.

The women here who have my most respect and admiration are the single working moms. You truly have the hardest job in the world. All the issues we debate here must sound pretty silly to you when you truly have to be all and do all for your kids and it doesn't matter what is fair or equal or choice. You just roll up your sleeves and do what you have to do. I respect you for it.


Edited 6/20/2003 2:34:32 PM ET by cindytree


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-20-2003 - 2:04pm
Most SAHs are probably more laid back than I am (then again, alot of WOHMs probably are, too!)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Fri, 06-20-2003 - 2:21pm
SAH moms spend more time with their children, don't miss out on the little things. And, usually provide a less hectic schedule for themselves and their children. I am especially concerned about the summer for my daughter when she is in school. I want her to feel relaxed and to kick back a bit and waste time and feel carefree. I don't want her to be oversheduled. I have 4 years to work out a plan. I hope both DH and I can work PT in the summer, so she can be home.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-20-2003 - 2:28pm
I admit that SAH mothers get more hands-on time with their children. I also admit that I think those with small children have it harder than me. I get to go to work and eat in peace and quiet and go to the bathroom myself!


"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Fri, 06-20-2003 - 2:30pm
As you seem to be, I bet more of us are in the "Why can't we all get along" camp than not.

Ever since becoming a parent 11 months ago, I have been struggling with my decision to WOH FT. I spend many hours trying to find ways to make PT a possibility. Ultimately, though, my working FT is best of everyone in the family including my dd so it's the way it is for now.

Now, to your question ...

I believe that kids like having their parents home and I would like being home with my dd more.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Fri, 06-20-2003 - 2:37pm
I can't do this, I still haven't figured out whether I'm a sahm or a wohm. I'm so confused.

I do agree with you about single working moms. Hats off to them and anyone else who knows that you do what you've got to do, and would love to trade places with most of us here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Fri, 06-20-2003 - 2:43pm
I'm with you, I can't put myself fully in one "camp" or the other.

I'm at home all day, but I work 20 hours a week for pay while I'm here. I have a boss, and deadlines, and a 401K, etc. I just don't have to leave my house.

So, I sometimes see points on both sides of the argument, which I guess is why I am happy that my life is the way it is right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 06-20-2003 - 2:50pm
I admit that WOHMs keep options open for ALL moms. The fact that there are so many WOHMs means that SAHM is a choice, not a cultural mandate.

WOHMs keep the workplace open for moms, making a society where it is easier for SAHMs to jump back in the workforce as children grow older. WOHMs keep their foot in the door, and that holds the ddoor for everyone. It is onlyy because of WOHMs that I can so confidently plan to work FT when dd is older.

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 06-20-2003 - 5:08pm
In of itself, neither choice is positive or negative. So I'll have to decline.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 06-20-2003 - 5:38pm
C'mon. You can't think of even ONE positive thing to say about SAHMs? Not one? Ouch.
Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-20-2003 - 5:41pm
I do not really take side in this debate. I do not think that women who work are bad mothers. How can I? I worked for the first 9 years I had kids. And I do not think SAH parents are lazy leaches either. How can I? I am not working right now. I think that each and every family has different needs, wants and desires. As does each individual member of that family. I think it is the job of the adults in each family to do what is best for their family. And that will change from family to family.

I think that there is more than one way to be a family.